Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony2

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Bow, Jaeci and Yesenia

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I am a 22 year old, large American that is broke, underemployed, and single. The hardest part is that there is a girl that is way out of my league that I like. I am talking a grade “A” American beauty. She’s a smart, funny, down home country girl. My problem is that I really enjoy hanging out with her and what not, but I have no idea how to take the next step with her and get to that romantic part in the relationship. I mean we go to dinner and watch movies together already, but she is on the friends thing, where I am trying to get it to the next level. How do I see if the next step is an option with her without ruining our current relationship?

A: First off, why shouldn’t you get the girl? Don’t demean yourself by putting yourself into a stereotypical group of the large American man. This girl must see past all of that; if you truly feel she’s out of your league you must be doing something right! She obviously enjoys spending time with you for other reasons than looks or wealth – and isn’t that a good thing? I can honestly say a previous boyfriend of mine wasn’t a stunning figure of a man, and I started to hang out with him because he made me laugh and was kind. The more I spent time with him the more I found myself attracted towards him, and we dated for nearly 2 years.

Of course there is always the possibility this girl may not have the same feelings towards you, but you have to take the risk or you’ll kick yourself for it later. Find out more about her, her likes, interests, hobbies, and try and take her on a hand tailored, one of a kind date. Is there anywhere she has mentioned she would love to visit? Or a favorite artist or book? Look into something she loves and base something around it – something more than dinner or a movie.

I’m sure if you put thought and effort into something special for her she will soon see how much fun you can have together and how you feel about her. And above everything be honest with her; It’s not always about actions, just don’t bombard her and overwhelm her! I’m sure if you’re a rad guy she’ll see beyond the elements you feel are hindering you, and if she doesn’t, then she’s not the sort of girl you want a relationship with.

Bow
Xox

Q: My girlfriend recently split with me saying that she wasn’t happy. I didn’t know what to do about it or why she is unhappy. She has texted me every day since and I have replied to her but avoided the whole topic of us as a couple. She wants to meet up Sunday, which I have agreed to. She first suggested just going for a drink and then she mentioned going for a meal. I declined the meal but said we can still go for a drink. I need advice on what to say to her because I have no idea what to say. I still care for her and if there is a chance of getting back with her I would like to take it.

A: Without knowing how long you have been broken up for or how long you were together, it’s a little tough for me to peek into her female brain and analyze her. If you’ve been broken up for a week, receiving texts from her is different than if you’ve been broken up for a month or two. If you were only together for a couple months it’s a whole different ballgame than if you were together for a couple years. Regardless, she still feels some connection to you. It could be that she feels comfortable with you so you’re easy for her to talk to. It could be that you’re a fixture in her life that she hasn’t figured out how to do without. It could be that she doesn’t know what she wants but she wants to keep you close in case she decides to come back. It could be that she still loves you.

Going to talk to her in a neutral space – a mellow bar, a coffee shop – is a good idea. It’s easier sometimes to not get so wound up in emotions when you’re not surrounded by the life you had together, especially if you lived together. If you want to get back with her, you obviously can’t avoid the subject of your coupledom. You need to ask her questions, you need to express yourself, you need to let her talk, and you need to listen.

Why was she unhappy? Did she need more freedom or more attention? Were you stuck in boring habits together and she wanted excitement? How was your sex life? There are a lot of factors that could have contributed to her discontent. Some of them might be her own issues that ultimately have little do with you, but others might be things you are willing and able to fix.

However, there are also things that might have made her unhappy that you shouldn’t have to change. Adjusting habits to make your partner happy can be healthy. Trying to change who you are as a person is not. Don’t do anything that will make YOU unhappy just to get her back. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep, don’t beg and grovel, and don’t tell her you can be someone you aren’t.

Hopefully in meeting with her you will have a chance to talk about what you both want from life, relationships, and each other. If those ideas are ultimately compatible, maybe you can be together. If not, there are plenty of other lovely fish in the sea. Take it from Auntie Jaeci: it is much better to be alone than to be with someone who isn’t right for you.

Best of luck.

Jaeci

Q: I work nights and the one day I’m off I usually sleep all day or get called in to work. Consequntly it’s really hard for me to socialize with anyone outside of work. My only free time is during the day. I was just wondering what you would suggest as the best way to get out and meet some girls. I’m just getting a little frustrated about all of this.

A: This is a really great question. Work can be very life consuming. My best advice for you would be to research the different activities to do in your area.

See if you can find any cool coffee shops to do your regular online social site checking. That way you are out of the house and given more chances to meet new people. Don’t be shy and enjoy yourself. I move around a lot and am forced to make new friends all the time. I found the best way is to become a regular at a few local spots, and eventually I will end up knowing everyone that comes through the door.

Check around for groups you can join. Join a group that best suites you. I joined a music group and a volley ball group. We only meet once per week so it is not very demanding – and it is a great way to meet new people.

You can also check for things going on in your community. Farmers markets, fundraisers, volunteering – these are all super ways to get out of the house and meet people. Think about the kind of girl you are looking for and where that girl would hang out during the day. Stop in to your local library. I know that sounds corny, but for some reason I always meet really cool people in libraries.

Join a gym. This will get you out of the house, and working out always makes you feel great. You will find yourself with more energy and eager to get out of bed. The gym is a great way to meet people, and a great way to meet the ladies. Ask your gym about classes they offer, such as a cycling class. There is a natural bond with people that take gym classes – even if you have never met them before.

Most importantly, be happy. Sometimes you need to decline being called in for work on a day off. Make sure you build a good balance between work and your life outside of work. There is a gal out there for you. You just have not met her yet, and you won’t meet her sleeping in every day. I know it is easier said than done, but use that as your motivation to make it out at least 3 days per week. When you do drag yourself out of bed, look in the mirror and give yourself a high five!

Yesenia
xx

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com