Got Problems? Sex, Love and Relationship Advice From SuicideGirls’ Team Agony0
Posted In All Things SG,Blog,Love,Relationships,Sex,Society
by SG’s Team Agony feat. Sassie
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q: So I’ll get right to it. I have known this girl for several years and we have a ton of the same friends. Randomly we started dating a couple months ago and I have noticed something I really don’t like — she CAN’T stop sharing every aspect of every date we go on.
It’s like being on one of those AT&T commercials where everyone is saying, “That’s so 10 seconds ago.” I’m tired of hearing about our dates second and even third-hand. We were talking the other day and she was describing the VERY intimate sexual habits of her female friend and a guy she had been dating. Then, when I asked her about how she could repeat stuff like that, she answered, “Well, girls look to each other to get verification of…” I had stopped listening.
Not only did she not think this was intrusive into what was an intimate relationship, but she was actually defending it. I think she later realized I was not exactly on the same boat with her and she said something to the effect that she would never tell anything about anyone she really liked.
I was even more puzzled because if her friend was doing what she said, I’m guessing she at least liked him. I realize she is unlikely to change even if I asked her to, but this is always in the back of my head and it really stops me from sharing with her. It definitely makes me feel less intimate and I feel myself withdrawing from her.
If we broke up we would still see each other very often just because of our common social circle. Is it too much to ask that when I ask her not to share certain details of our relationship that she respect that? Or should I just assume that if we do ever break up everything is going to get spilled?
Or am I being dumb to worry about this at all?
Thanks for your time!
A: I feel that there are two sides to this. Some girls (and guys) talk very openly to their friends about their sexual relationships and other wise. I am one of these people, but I only have one or two very close friends that I share this information with. These close friends, are people I can trust and know won’t go around telling every person they see.
However, it sounds like things are getting back to you about your relationship from people other than your girlfriend that are mutual friends. I can understand how this could bother you, but you can’t really control what she does or doesn’t talk about with whom. And if she doesn’t really see any problem with the behavior, you can’t make her change how she feels. So you don’t see eye to eye on this one matter. What if you try asking her not to talk about that kind of stuff around you? Explain that you don’t care to hear the details of all of your friends’ relationships. And tell your friends that they have no business talking about your relationship either. If they are your real friends they will understand.
The second side of this is begs the question, why do you care so much? Ask yourself what about her sharing these types of things really bothers you. Are you embarrassed? Or maybe you just feel that any talk of your intimate sexual habits should just be between the two of you. Why? Do you not have a close guy friend that you share your stories with? If you’re having problems coming to a resolution, and can’t even openly discuss this with her, then you’re headed for problems.
I know it sounds corny, but communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. If she’s just sharing with certain people and you’re not the talk of the town, I wouldn’t worry about it so much. Things start to get complicated when it turns into gossip. If you’re already asking yourself “what if” we broke up, then you obviously aren’t happy with how things are going and perhaps need to make some changes. So either stop withdrawing and have an adult conversation about how you feel and what you need, or maybe consider that you guys were, and are, better off as just friends.
Thanks for the question!
<3 Sassie!
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
