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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Yulia
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
Q: So here’s my problem, while I’m sure it is not unique it’s the first time I’ve come across it. I am interested in a woman that is a single parent. I am one too. However, my access to my son is alternating weekends, whereas she is, from what I can tell, the only parent in the picture. As I’m sure you can guess, this makes going out very difficult for her.
We met at a New Year’s Eve party and all attempts to get together since have turned into one obstacle after another, all dealing with childcare. I am a patient guy and I have no problem waiting for her, she is special, strong, good looking, and devoted to her daughter.
This is pretty special to me as all of my previous partners have been rather weak and unsure of themselves. She is different. I don’t want to push into her life and make her uncomfortable, but at the same time, I do want to see her again. Tonight we almost connected, however timing and childcare became an issue again. I am sure that she wants to see me again, since, as we exchanged numbers this evening to make communication a little easier, she was apologetic about the situation.
I am a patient guy and generally nice too. This, I feel, may work against me. I’m worried that I either won’t be assertive enough and she’ll feel I’m not interested. But, on the flip side I don’t want to push too hard and come off as either an ass or desperate.
Oh, did I mention, it’s also been eleven years since I’ve been on a first date?
Sincerely, trying to remember how to date!
A: You are in a tough and confusing situation, for sure! It’s hard enough beginning any relationship after being single for a long time, but you’re interested in someone whose first concern will always be for her daughter. Even if she is actively hoping to get together with you, her desire is not her priority. Because you mention childcare I will assume her daughter is young.
It’s nerve-racking when you’ve flown solo for so long but finally have feelings for someone else. It can feel like you’re hitting puberty all over again — figuratively speaking — and experiencing that first crush. What do you say? How do you let her know? How do you know what she feels? Even though you’re past this initial stage and have already planned on spending time together, you’re still waiting for the first date. If at all possible, try to see this as anticipation and excitement rather than frustration. I’m not suggesting you stop trying to plan, but that you focus on what could be and share these feelings with the woman you’re into and maybe it will motivate her to find a good babysitter.
Easier said than done, I know. Is her child very young, or old enough to understand a few things? If we’re talking about an infant, this won’t apply, but if the child is in school than your love interest may be worried about how that child will feel if his or her mother is dating. You say there’s no father in the picture, so the mother may fear her child will get attached to quickly or immediately see you as a potential dad. She may also fear the child will see you as competition for attention. She may not want the child to see her go through the range of emotions relationships bring. However, she has expressed interest in seeing you, so if she is deeply concerned about any of this, she may be willing to see you if you agree to underplay the significance of your relationship in front of the child (at least for now). There is nothing wrong with this! Many single parents choose to wait for months before telling their children about a relationship. They aren’t lying or hiding their partners; they’re simply making sure this is important enough to share with the kids. When it is, it will be that much more meaningful.
If that’s not the case, could you suggest getting together with the kids? If both your children are there it will seem more natural, and you could even fudge the storyline a bit by telling the kids you’re friends from work, Say you just happened to have four tickets to the ball game and needed two more people. Just don’t alter the truth too often or someone will catch on. Kids aren’t stupid!
Meanwhile, perhaps there’s a way you can help her find child care. Do you know any great babysitters? Do you have any responsible relatives nearby looking for a bit of extra work? If money is an issue, offer to split the cost of a babysitter. If trust is an issue, you could suggest meeting with candidates and then inviting them to spend time with both mother and child to create that trust.
Above all, pay attention to non-verbal signs you get from her. Is she really interested, but concerned about her kid’s reaction? Is she into you, but nervous for herself? Maybe she hasn’t dated in a long time either, or maybe you are the first person she has felt an attraction to since the child’s father. Try to find some common ground in your struggles to get together and work from there.
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
“I want to validate people and allow them to ask absolutely anything and take away this shame, guilt and judgment that can be associated with that.”
– Tristan Taormino
Tristan Taormino is best known for having one of the most famous assholes in the world. She is one of the foremost experts on anal sex and sex in general. That’s why she was the best person to edit the Best Lesbian Erotica anthology.
Read our exclusive interview with Tristan Taormino on SuicideGirls.com.
Get to know Crow better over at SuicideGirls.com!
The day started out so well. We began it with a hearty breakfast (our first sit-down meal in 4 days!), before heading down to the Occupy Chicago Convergence Center. The well-organized facility is located in the basement of Wellington Ave United Church, a branch of the United Church of Christ which is run by Dan Dale, a pastor that is sympathetic to the movement, and has gone above and beyond to help the cause.
By the time we got there, Occupy Wall Street’s Lauren had made herself at home in the Chicago occupation’s kitchen, and was serving up delicious breakfast burritos to anyone in need of sustenance. We spotted many familiar faces from the bus ride from LA milling around in the grazing area/community space, and met up with several personalities we’d conversed with on Twitter and seen on the livestreams over the past few months.
Our friends from OccupyLA’s #BaconBloc, whose mission is to combat the overwhelming veganism of the movement, were busy planning an action involving candied bacon. We were also introduced to the mastermind behind Clown Bloq, which has been enjoying quite a lot of media attention of late. And while we awaited the bus, which was scheduled to take us to our next appointment, which used 99% Solidarity’s stamps to embellish our dollars bills with the meme “THE SYSTEM ISN’T BROKEN – IT’S FIXED.”
When our chauffeur arrived with his big ass bus, we headed to the back to hang with our new heroes, the Bay Area Nine, who’d been through hell and high water to make it to Chi-Town. Our destination was Homer Park, which served as a staging area for our scheduled protest outside the Ravenswood home of Mayor Rahm Emanuel. Our aim, to exercise the First Amendments rights he’d tried so hard to quash outside his front door.
The atmosphere was jovial as protesters gathered in the park, greeting friends and rehearsing chants ahead of the march. The sun shone and the sky was blue, the only clouds on the horizon where the two omnipresent police helicopters, which hovered overhead.
As our procession made its way through the park, and then the well-manicured streets of the upper-middle class neighborhood, the rotating chants du jour included, “Fight, fight, fight. Healthcare is a human right,” “Healthcare is under attack. What do we do? Stand up, fight back,” and “Healthcare not warfare,” echoing the sentiments of yesterday’s NNU Robin Hood Tax rally, which called for a miniscule tax on trades to pay for, among other things, true universal healthcare. It was indicative of our government’s current priorities, that they spent tax dollars on helicopters to police a march for something that more civilized countries already consider to be a fundamental human right.
While moving through the suburban streets, we were greeted with a surprising warmth by locals, who came out of their business and homes to watch our procession. Code Pink’s “MAKE OUT, NOT WAR” stickers proved to be popular with a group of young female future activists. Other locals en route that I spoke to told me they thought what we were doing was “amazing” and wished us “good luck.”
There was a large police presence when we arrived at Mayor Emanuel’s home. Most were wearing riot helmets, and were armed with plastic zip ties, batons, and bikes – the latter serving as mobile barricades which physically barred us from stepping on the Mayor’s front lawn. Not that we would have. The protesters were very respectful of the fact that it was a residential neighborhood. The chanting had mostly ceased, and the human mic was functioning at a suitably low level.
Vendors were serving refreshing frozen treats from carts. Despite their clear capitalist exploitation of our political gathering, many protesters, including this one, were more then happy to indulge in their wares. Indeed, the scene was more than a little comical, as battalions of riot cops stood amidst flowering shrubbery, policing protesters who were milling around eating ice cream.
After making their point, the protesters gradually dissipated. As I walked back to the train station I saw two ACLU legal observers, who were easily identified by their bright orange T-shirts, thanking a group of CPD officers for their mostly good natured and restrained job. When I engaged the ACLU staffers in conversation, they told me that given the size of the action, which spilled from the pavement and onto the street due to the sheer volume of people, and the fact that it was un-permitted, things could easily have gone another way.
I remarked that this show of restraint was likely prompted, not by the Mayor’s new found respect for free speech, but by the fact that he didn’t want to be portrayed as the bad guy on the world stage. After all, though the mainstream media was conspicuous by its absence at this action, many around the world had tuned in thanks to the feeds pumped out by Occupy’s ever present livestreamers. Little did I know, that in a few short hours these brave citizen journalists would become the prime target of law enforcement agencies.
TO BE CONTINUED…
To keep tabs on the progress of the Chicago bus trip and actions, subscribe to the 99% Solidarity media Twitter list and check in with us via the following livestreams:
OccupyFreedomLA
CodeFrameSF
TheRevolutionWillBeStreamed
CrossXBones
Full disclosure: Nicole Powers has been assisting with 99% Solidarity’s efforts and is in no way an impartial observer. She is proud of this fact.
Related Posts:
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 1 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 2 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 3 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
After 50 hours on the road, and three days without a proper night’s sleep, tiredness was becoming a serious factor. Our ragtag group of activists, occupiers, and livestreamers had gathered in Pershing Square between 3 and 4 AM on the morning of Wednesday, May 16, and most, including us, had foregone sleep the night before in order to make last-minute preparations. The expected 4 AM departure of the three 99% Solidarity-organized and National Nurses United-funded Los Angeles occu-buses had been delayed for two hours while we awaited the arrival of the Bay Area Nine – a heroic group of Oakland and San Francisco occupiers who had traveled down via Greyhound after their direct ride to Chicago had been cancelled at short notice. It was therefore around 6 AM before we finally set off from Downtown LA.
Our journey time had been further extended by two separate cases of overheated-engine syndrome as we convoyed through the Nevada desert, and a minor medical emergency 100+ miles away from the Illinois state line. A few over-extended, but essential, pee and smoke breaks had also impacted our ETA. When we arrived at our final destination, a short walk away from Occupy Chicago’s Convergence Center at around 6 AM on Friday May 19, we were nearly half a day late. But despite the exhaustion, our spirits were for the most part high, boosted by the excitement of what was to come, and by the beauty of the city, which the majority of our group had never visited before.
As one of three designated bus captains, I hung around to make sure everyone was situated. Since the lateness of our arrival meant we’d mostly missed our accommodation opportunities for the night, some of our group decided to join other occupiers who were occupying Lake Michigan’s beach, some headed off to meet with friends, and the rest followed representatives from Occupy Chicago, who had kindly greeted us with an offer of breakfast, which would be served was soon as their Convergence Center opened at 8.30 AM.
With photos to edit and upload, and words such as these to file, I headed to a motel room which was serving as 99% Solidarity’s temporary base. Having been starved of a reliable internet connection for the past two days, there was much to catch up on, and very little time, since the march leading up to the NNU organized People’s G8 / Robin Hood Tax Rally was scheduled to star at 11 AM.
Following a shower, and a frenzy of emails, uploads, and social media posts, I grabbed a much-needed Starbucks, a liquid breakfast/boost being all I had time for. (Unfortunately, sometimes, corporate crack is unavoidable – and this was one of those occasions!) I met up with a core group of occupiers and activists at Michigan and Madison, and headed over to Daley Plaza with them.
As we made our way down East Washington, we admired the barricades which the Chicago Police Department had kindly laid out on either side of the street to make out of town occupiers feel right at home. Given the much-publicized increased police presence, which involved importing officers from several other states, the atmosphere was surprisingly relaxed. When a group of CPD officers wearing full-on riot helmets cycled past on bikes, at this juncture, quite frankly the sight was more ridiculous than threatening. But as we closed in on Daley Plaza, the police presence was far less frivolous.
It was heartening to see an impressively large crowd had turned out to support the nurses and their call for a Robin Hood Tax. This overworked and underpaid group are on the frontlines of the war against the working and middle class – the breakdown of the economy being particularly salient to those who staff our emergency rooms. There is therefore a natural affinity between the goals of Occupy and the nurses union, who were among the first of the traditional labor organizations to support the fledgling alternative grassroots activist movement.
Another stalwart supporter of the Occupy movement is Tom Morello, who performed at the rally once the talk was done. He gleefully taunted Mayor Rahm Emanuel, who had attempted to silence the Rage Against the Machine guitarist by pulling the NNU’s permit after they announced he was scheduled to perform. The resulting public outcry, and the tenacity of the nurses who were determined to exercise their right to free speech with or without a permit, having forced Emanuel to relent.
“I know damn well I’m welcome in Chicago” Morello said to the cheering and appreciative crowd. “The mayor’s office tried to shut this whole thing down…How ridiculous for the mayor’s office to think I would do anything to hurt Chicago? Chicago is my favorite city on the whole world.”
After Morello’s perfectly pitched mix of rhetoric and rebel songs, the rally dissipated. The nurses took to their buses, occupiers took to the streets, and, after another burst of essential online activity, this activist/journalist voted for sleep.
Visit our gallery at SuicideGirls.com for oodles more images from the event.
To keep tabs on the progress of the Chicago bus trip and actions, subscribe to the 99% Solidarity media Twitter list and check in with us via the following livestreams:
OccupyFreedomLA
CodeFrameSF
TheRevolutionWillBeStreamed
CrossXBones
Full disclosure: Nicole Powers has been assisting with 99% Solidarity’s efforts and is in no way an impartial observer. She is proud of this fact.
Related Posts:
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 1 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 2 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
Day 2 of our epic journey was very flat, but literally, rather than metaphorically. Having made it through Denver’s Rocky Mountains under the cover of darkness while most on the bus were asleep, we woke up to a spectacular sunrise as we sped across the border into Nebraska. There the terrain was level, very level, as were heads on our designated LA media bus.
California Dream Stream Team member, OccupyFreedomLA conducted classes aboard the bus on livestreaming and social media. A veteran occupier, she also made sure everyone knew the local Chicago National Lawyers Guild number and also read out a briefing she’d been given on the Chicago Police Department’s provisions for press over the long weekend. The CPD “Ground Rules For Media” included these ‘highlights’:
No “cutting” in and out of police lines will be permitted, or “going up against their backs.” Those who follow protesters onto private property to document their actions are also will be subject to arrest if laws are broken. Any member of the media who is arrested will have to go through the same booking process as anyone else. Release of equipment depends on what part the equipment played in the events that led to the arrest…
There will not be any quick personal recognizance bond just for media members…
But police emphasized that those who choose to walk amid the protesters are “on your own.” The department cannot guarantee the safety of those who do so and cannot guaranteed that they can extract any reporter who ends up the target of protesters.
That last line about reporters becoming targets of protesters was particularly inflammatory, and received the appropriate derisive response from our 99% Solidarity media crew, who though not impartial, were there to accurately report the news rather than make it with acts of violence. Indeed, everyone on board all of the 99% Solidarity buses had signed a non-violence pledge confirming their peaceful intentions, which was a pre-requisite for boarding.
Talking of peaceful, positive and progressive intentions, after members participated in one of the weekly Media Consortium Inter-Occupy press briefing calls, we had some great conversations on the direction of the movement over the course of the day – and some even greater ones with our bus drivers’ who shared their thoughts on Occupy, which were all very constructive if not entirely supportive. Of the three drivers we’d had (who’d operated in shifts due to the length of our trip), somewhat surprisingly given his former occupation, it was our last driver who turned out to be our biggest champion. Though a former Marine, he shared many of our anti-NATO sentiments, expressing a frustration at our government’s overseas policy and treatment of veterans, which was naturally tempered by his loyalty to his fellow servicemen.
When the conversation died down, the documentaries Casino Jack and The United States of Money, about corrupt lobbyist (is there any other kind?) Jack Abramoff, and Exit Through the Gift Shop, about street artist Banksy and his accidental protégé Mr. Brainwash, kept our group entertained. The standard revolution diet of pizza, again, kept them sustained.
As we drove into Iowa, we were confronted by another spectacular sunset. Our livestreamers, who by now had their own designated hashtag #CaliDST, were getting quite competitive when capturing these.
A minor medical emergency delayed us for an hour just before crossing the Illinois state border. As we headed into Chicago almost 50 hours after our journey had begun, those on the bus let out a collective cheer as we spied the spectacular skyline. Another sunrise, this time over the waters of Lake Michigan, greeted us as we drove into the heart of the city.
Our buses stopped at Lakeshore & Belmont, just a few blocks away from Occupy Chicago’s Convergence Center. Local Occupy members kindly met us with promises of a much-needed breakfast as soon as the staging area opened at 8.30 AM that day. Most on the bus decided to take them up on their offer, not wanting to make history on an empty stomach. Indeed news of the protesters arrival in the Windy City in a fleet of 14 99% Solidarity/NNU buses had already found its way into the mainstream media, with a photo of the first of four from NYC taking up most of the Chicago Sun-Times front page!
To keep tabs on the progress of the Chicago bus trip and actions, subscribe to the 99% Solidarity media Twitter list and check in with us via the following livestreams:
OccupyFreedomLA
CodeFrameSF
TheRevolutionWillBeStreamed
CrossXBones
Full disclosure: Nicole Powers has been assisting with 99% Solidarity’s efforts and is in no way an impartial observer. She is proud of this fact.
Related Posts:
