by SG’s Team Agony feat. Sassie, Tita, and Setsuka

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I think I want to break up with my girlfriend. Yeah, I know it’s a shitty time to break up with her, but I was kind of like this last Christmas and put it off because of the time of year.

I feel shitty breaking up with her at Christmas and while she’s feeling down, but I’ve tried too hard to help her and feel like I’m doing all the effort and she just doesn’t give a shit! She says she doesn’t want to lose me over the way she is with her depression. The last time this happened I told her and she bucked up her ideas and things got better, but I really don’t want to have to keep repeating myself and have her go in circles.

A: Where do I begin? Obviously things aren’t “okay” if you’ve been feeling like breaking up with your girlfriend for over a year, and have found excuses to put it off. You say her depression “pisses you off,” however, depression is a medical condition – she can’t control the chemicals in her brain. If she had cancer would it piss you off? Because that’s pretty much what you’re saying.

You should be encouraging her to get help. You should be her support system. And instead you’re here complaining about it. The holiday season is particularly tough on those prone to depression. Also, there is such a thing as seasonal affective disorder (SAD), and that may be why she gets worse in the winter. It can also have physical affects which is why she doesn’t feel well. Now, I’m obviously not a doctor, but she probably needs professional help if you’re saying it’s so bad that it’s affecting her job too.

Some people are stronger than others, and you’re saying that you’re one of them, so why can’t you be strong for her too? I mean, if you really cared for this girl, that wouldn’t even be a question! What have you actually done to help her? It may seem like she doesn’t give a shit, but she obviously cares for you if she’s aware that it’s affecting your relationship, whether she shows it or not. It’s incredibly hard to think rationally when you’re depressed, so even you asking her to give a shit may seem like a huge task at the time.

You cannot just tell someone to “shape up or ship out” when they’re depressed. In my opinion, that is one of the worst things that you can say. Sure, let me just go into my brain and adjust my serotonin levels so that you can stop being annoyed with me! Really dude? The reality of it is it will probably always go in circles. That is the nature of depression. One day you’re fine, and the next day you’re not. It sounds like you can’t handle it. And you probably don’t deserve this girl if that’s the way you’re treating her. So break it off already.

Sassie

Q: I have a rather long situation here. It all started about a year ago. I was working at a local Mexican food place. I met a woman there. I say that cause she is 38 and I am 29. Not much of an age difference. So we get to talking and we get along, cracking jokes, some NSFW. Then she gets fired and I don’t see her again until about a month ago. We saw each other in a local bar, had a few, caught up on things and exchanged numbers. We texted each other and met up at the bar again the next weekend. We hung out, drink, I watched her play pool, and we kissed a few times. Then we went to eat after a night of drinking. Then some drama happens. She ended up crying. I comforted her. Before we left to go home we stood in the parking lot and I held her. Everything seemed to be going well.

Confused in Texas

A: I believe in romance, but I’m definitely not a hopeless romantic. It’s lovely that you two click, enjoy each others company, and that you think of her often. She certainly seems to acknowledge that you are good and caring, and are an overall “good guy.” However, I think that her statement regarding not knowing when “it’s right in front of her face” is a very big clue as to what to do…

Humans crave comfort, love, and support. We long to be safe, warm, well fed, and secure. When it comes to a partner, these items are usually high on the list of “wants.” The rules of relationships are simple (although in practice, it’s never easy to follow them). If someone “wants” you, they will let you know. There should be no question as to whether or not they like what you are offering, and want it in their life.

From where I’m sitting, it looks like you are prepared to provide, or work together to have all of those things, and yet, she is not running into your arms, and accepting comfort, love, and support from you. She is resistant to your good nature and care. Pay attention to that! I believe that ultimately, our fate is our own. For her to believe that things will go wrong because they “always do” indicates that she has a pattern of this in her life. She is the common denominator in those situations. (Now, I should point out that I’m in no way implying that people deserve everything they get. However, when it comes to life patterns and negative experiences, we have the power to change them for the better.)

Fear is not positive. It holds people back, and prevents them from experiencing, embracing and enjoying good things. She is scared she will miss out on a great guy, yet you are right next to her! You could be all that she wants and more, but if she is too scared to go for it, you will be left waiting, and in the end, heart broken.

In answer to your question, I think there is a third option! I believe you should take all your goodness, care and support, and find someone who sees it, wants it, and embraces it. What could make you feel better about yourself than that?

Standing up for ourselves is never easy, but I really do think you can do better.

Good luck!

Tita

Q: I’m a 26-year old male, and my dilemma is that I’m shy. What is the best way in your opinion for a guy to judge a girls interest? There is a girl who works at a diner near my work. I see her every morning. She rushes to serve me before any of the other girls can. Am I right in thinking her actions are a sign she may be interested in me? I wish everything was as simple as working on my car LOL. I feel like if I make an ass out of myself by asking her if she wants to catch up, it may jeopardize my breakfast ritual – and that would be bad! Hope I’m not being an uber creep.

A: First of all, women are all about body language. We like to drop subtle hints to let people know we are interested. Usually it involves smiling, joking, laughing, and subtle touches like on the hand or shoulder. It seems like she may have interest in you but it’s hard to say as an outsider. There is of course a chance that she is being overly friendly since you are a regular and she might be trying to get a good tip, but do you really want to let that stand in your way? I think you would regret not asking her out more than being turned down. You only live once so take the chance and ask her to coffee or something simple!

Good luck!
Setsuka
Xoxo

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Mentalrage

Independent publisher Avatar Press founded in the early 90’s has built up quite a reputation both for it’s stable of Bad Girl comics like Pandora, Shi, and a recently rejuvenated Lady Death (via their Boundless imprint), but also more prominently as being the home of numerous creator-owned titles by some of the most high profile names in comics, with Warren Ellis, Garth Ennis, David Lapham, and others being given free reign to tell stories with no restrictions. Another name in their cadre of writers is Alan Moore.

Alan Moore is probably amongst the most deified of scribes in the whole comics medium. He generally shuns the mainstream media and only gives interviews when it suits his purpose for publicizing a project of some sort . Whilst he may be best known for high profile works like V For Vendetta and Watchmen, his latest work for Avatar, Neonomicon, comes from another realm entirely.

Brears and Lamper are two FBI agents are tasked with investigating a series of bizarre ritual murders that are somehow connected to the final case of Aldo Sax. Sax, formerly one of the FBI’s top agents, is now languishing in a maximum security facility after being convicted of numerous killings. After a frustrating interview with Sax, where he speaks only in a guttural inhuman tongue, the pair find themselves drawn to a seedy rock club and an occult book shop. Trying to make sense of the bizarre turn of events they find themselves caught up in, nothing prepares them for the sanity shattering truth that lies behind it all.

In a rare interview, Moore spoke with Wired about Neonomicon, and had this to say:

Funnily enough, that is one of the most unpleasant things I have ever written…With Neonomicon, because I was in a very misanthropic state due to all the problems we had been having, I probably wasn’t at my most cheery. So Neonomicon is very black, and I’m only using “black” to describe it because there isn’t a darker color.

Neonomicon is probably amongst the most disturbingly misanthropic works you could read and will no doubt take a lot of readers by surprise especially considering that the book itself doesn’t feature an explicit content advisory. Consider yourself warned.

Taking the mythos of H.P. Lovecraft, and adding in all the things that Lovecraft himself only made veiled references to, the “nameless rites” are rendered in disturbing clarity by Burrows refined art. I imagine a good number of readers will share the practically blind Brears’ sense of disbelief after putting in her contacts and seeing with her own eyes the ugly truth for the first time.

Her reaction to this is portrayed in stages as she retreats into her own mind to escape from the horror of it, but then a more begrudging acceptance materializes, influenced by a briefly alluded to past and possibly a manifestation of Stockholm Syndrome.

Burrows has already had plenty of experience in depicting disturbing imagery working on Crossed with Garth Ennis (also from Avatar), but I think in comparison to the constant desensitizing bombardment of atrocities seen in Crossed, his work here is given even more punch due to the relative brevity of things.

Undoubtedly Neonomicon will get dismissed by some out of hand just due to its graphic content, and it will no doubt rile some Lovecraft fans for depicting that which Lovecraft merely suggested. But for all its dark and disturbing glory, Moore is still an excellent writer and his meta-fictional treatment of Lovecraft is impressive. There’s plenty going on beneath the surface, looking at language, how we interpret it, and the perception of reality. One scene involving Johnny Carcosa is a brilliant example of this and would be unachievable in any other medium. Throw in some pitch black humor and a few turned-on-their-heads clichés, along with a brutal gut punch of an ending, which makes you want to read it all over again and Neonomicon stays with you long after you’ve made it to the back cover.

Originally a four-part comic book series, Neonomicon is now available as a single hardcover volume.

by Daniel Robert Epstein

Alkaline Trio is the kickass band made up of Dan Andriano, Derek Grant and Matt Skiba. They just got the song, “We Can Never Break Up,” on an episode of the horror anthology series Masters of Horror. That song is included on the Masters of two disc CD soundtrack along with some amazing musicians as Buckethead, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Matchbook Romance, and many more.

Read our exclusive interview with Derek Grant of Alkaline Trio on SuicideGirls.com.

Friskey Suicide in Josephine

• MAKES ME HAPPY: Kittens, squirrels, children, back rubs, and tickles.
• MAKES ME SAD: Sick kittens and assholes.
• HOBBIES: Zombie making, printmaking, picture taking, and yoga.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Camera, computer, bike, chocolate, and kitten love.
• VICES: Living life luxuriously on credit, chocolate, a messy room, and Dirty Old Men.

Get to know Friskey better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by Blogbot

Every week we ask the ladies and gentlemen of the social web to show us their finest ink in celebration of Tattoo Tuesday.

Our favorite submission from Twitter wins a free 3 month membership to SuicideGirls.com.

This week, @alician_h wins with her elaborate, exotic, and erotic backpiece.

#99Percenter, @camXmorton also gets an honorable mention and a 3-month membership for his #solidarity to the #occupy cause.

If you haven’t won this week, don’t forget that you can enter each week until you do, so good luck next Tuesday, and happy inking!

A few things to remember:

• You have to be 18 to qualify.
• The tattoo has to be yours…that means permanently etched on your body.
• On Twitter we search for your entries by looking up the hashtag #TattooTuesday, so make sure you include it in your tweet!

Check out the Tattoo Tuesday winners of weeks past!

by Steven-Elliot Altman (SG Member: Steven_Altman)

Our Fiction Friday serialized novel, The Killswitch Review, is a futuristic murder mystery with killer sociopolitical commentary (and some of the best sex scenes we’ve ever read!). Written by bestselling sci-fi author Steven-Elliot Altman (with Diane DeKelb-Rittenhouse), it offers a terrifying postmodern vision in the tradition of Blade Runner and Brave New World…

By the year 2156, stem cell therapy has triumphed over aging and disease, extending the human lifespan indefinitely. But only for those who have achieved Conscientious Citizen Status. To combat overpopulation, the U.S. has sealed its borders, instituted compulsory contraception and a strict one child per couple policy for those who are permitted to breed, and made technology-assisted suicide readily available. But in a world where the old can remain vital forever, America’s youth have little hope of prosperity.

Jason Haggerty is an investigator for Black Buttons Inc, the government agency responsible for dispensing personal handheld Kevorkian devices, which afford the only legal form of suicide. An armed “Killswitch” monitors and records a citizen’s final moments — up to the point where they press a button and peacefully die. Post-press review agents — “button collectors” — are dispatched to review and judge these final recordings to rule out foul play.

When three teens stage an illegal public suicide, Haggerty suspects their deaths may have been murders. Now his race is on to uncover proof and prevent a nationwide epidemic of copycat suicides. Trouble is, for the first time in history, an entire generation might just decide they’re better off dead.

(Catch up with the previous installments of Killswitch – see links below – then continue reading after the jump…)

[..]

by Yashar Ali

I don’t like to drink. I don’t like the taste of alcohol. And, outside of a handful of memorable drinking stories that my friends and I repeatedly share with each other, I don’t get drunk and I don’t like to get drunk. I also don’t like the loss of time that comes with a hangover and the loss of control that comes with drinking.

And it’s not because I have a drinking problem. I never have. I just don’t like drinking alcohol, it’s simply not part of my life.

Even though I am in my early thirties, I still face this incredible pressure – peer pressure – to drink. I am talking about the kind of pressure we’re reminded of when we think of teenagers, college students, or those in their early twenties, and how our friends, during this phase of our lives, were pushing us to drink.

Although we often think peer pressure in drinking is tied to a younger more footloose group, to twenty-somethings who are still finding themselves, I’ve discovered through my own experience and through learning about the experiences of my readers, that age and professional status really plays no role in whether someone will pressure or be pressured. Men and women in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s are doing the pressuring.
It seems to me that social pressure to drink is more a cultural issue than an age issue.

I even have friends who claim they could never be in relationship with a person who doesn’t drink. Because that’s what every solid relationship is built on: consumption of alcohol.

In (Western) adult social culture, alcohol is a primary and important component of being part of a group, and people who are not interested in alcohol or dislike the taste, are subject to pressure to drink. They, in turn, are forced to find or create, what are deemed “legitimate reasons” for not joining in with the drinking. Failure to drink creates a barrier between the drinkers and those people, who, for various reasons, choose not to drink alcohol.

Why are we judging and pressuring people who don’t drink and why do we make them justify or explain their reasons for refusing alcohol?

Alcohol (and drinking) is a part of the wide range of social pressures in our culture and it’s part of the fabric of many people’s lives. However, it’s not an insignificant thing to ask and pressure someone else to drink.

I get that alcohol helps people loosen up in social settings, but it creates a barrier between people who choose to drink and people who don’t. And this barrier sets the tone for who talks to, and who hangs out with whom. It’s as if alcohol is the social glue that keeps us together, and if we don’t have it and are faced with some people who drink and some people who don’t, things seem to get off-balance and uncomfortable.

The idea of someone who doesn’t drink is so foreign to some people that we sometimes falsely assume that the person who is not drinking has a past of alcohol abuse or we force these non-drinkers to constantly explain themselves.

Mindy, a reader from Chicago in her early 30’s, often deals with new friends or colleagues who assume she was an alcoholic or member of A.A., because she chooses not to drink.

So when it comes to socializing, do we only have two categories for people: sober alcoholic or drinker? There are so many people that fall in between these two categories, they’re not really sober, but they’re also not active drinkers.

A friend of mine who works in corporate advertising commented on the pressure she feels when ordering a glass of water or lemonade at a restaurant with colleagues when everyone else is ordering wine or a cocktail, “I’m made to feel like I’m not an adult.”

Susie, a 38 year-old paralegal found herself being excluded from activities at work, because she barely drank.

“You won’t want to come out tonight because you don’t drink,” she would hear from her co-workers in an almost sympathetic tone (she would always be included in activities that didn’t include heavy drinking).

“I can still have a good time without drinking. It’s not like I’m standing there with my arms crossed at a bar, frowning. I just wonder if they feel judged if I am not doing shots with them and that’s why I’m not being included.”

For Susie and other people in her situation, the social interaction between colleagues, the same interaction that often aides people in their careers, is something that is stripped from her. Unless she’s willing to drink to intoxication, people just don’t feel comfortable having her around and so, Susie misses out on one part of professional networking.

My friend Erin, who is in her late 30’s, found her second pregnancy to be the saving grace, in terms of alleviating the pressure that comes with drinking, “I find it a relief now that I’m visibly six months pregnant, because I can point to my belly and say, ‘Sorry, I can’t!’”

“It will be a drag when I have to go back to explaining to people, ‘No really, I just don’t like it.’”

Having an excuse, whether it’s an illness or pregnancy, seems to offer a reprieve to those who don’t want to drink. But it still doesn’t make sense to me. I understand (but don’t accept) the social pressure to drink during high school and college-age years, but why are adults so obsessed with their friends, family, and colleagues drinking?

And why do there seem to be real, social consequences for people who don’t care to learn the difference between a Chardonnay and a Cabernet?

Yashar Ali is a Los Angeles-based columnist, commentator, and political veteran whose writings about women, gender inequality, political heroism, and society are showcased on his website, The Current Conscience. Please follow him on Twitter and join him on Facebook.

He will be soon releasing our first short e-book, entitled, A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not Crazy — How We Teach Men That Women Are Crazy and How We Convince Women To Ignore Their Instincts. If you are interested and want to be notified when the book is released, please click here to sign-up.

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