by SG’s Team Agony feat. Squee and Clio
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
[Squee in Philosophy]
Q: I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We work really well together, and he legitimately makes me happy. Here is the issue; my upbringing was incredibly sheltered. He is the only person I have been with sexually, while he has had plenty of sexual experiences and encounters. He knows that my upbringing has resulted in me being very, very curious about sex and sexuality, and has been amazingly supportive of my questions and ideas and urges to try knew things.
He is even accepting of me experiencing sex with a woman at some point. (I know, what guy isn’t! But if you knew him and how he is you would see why this is a HUGE deal). That being said, I recently brought up the idea of buying one of those Clone A Willy kits. It’s a kit that allows you to make a vibrating replica of any penis you want. For a long time I’ve wanted to delve into the world of sex toys, so when I approached him I was pretty enthusiastic. But to my surprise, he was livid. He was angry and hurt that I would even want to try such a thing. He reaction was so shocking that I’m kinda afraid to bring it up again. I just don’t understand how he can say yes to sex with a whole person but no to a toy. Am I missing something?
A: I must admit, I would also presume most men would have more of an issue with sex with another person than with an object. If I were you I would try and talk to him about it again. I wouldn’t approach it from the angle that your really want to use toys and would like him to be more understanding. I would sit down and try and find out what upset him so much about the idea. Explain to him how important it is to you that you can be open and able to discuss these kinds of things, and let him know you’d just like to understand what he really dislikes about the idea.
He might have a serious reason that he just won’t budge on, or maybe he has some kind of small hang-up that you can talk out and overcome. Either way, it sounds like he has been incredibly patient with you, and it sounds like it’s your turn to be patient with him. If he continues to put his foot down and not want to talk about it, I think you will just have to assess how happy you are with that situation. If he still makes you happy and toys don’t seem so important, then that’s great. If being unable to experiment leaves you feeling uneasy and repressed, then you may have to reassess your situation.
Good luck. I hope you manage to talk things out!
Squee
xxx
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[Clio in Born Into A Light]
Q: My boyfriend left me after two years of dating. He says it’s for a while. We made a stupid deal that I only agreed because I love him and do not want to be without him. The deal is to be just friends for seven months, and although it has a little over a month and I’m still just devastated.
He asks me for money and favors. Of course I give him what he wants, because I love him. But apparently he does not think the same with me, because when I want to be with him, just to watch a movie and talked for a while, he is always busy. He keeps saying he loves me. He says the reason for separation is so we can become strong as individuals so we can be together without problems.
I know I am a dependent person, but I tried not to choke him, and now I do not call him or write him –– only when I have something important to say or ask. I do not know what to do.
A: Dear Blinded-by-Love, I’m sorry you got dumped and are now caught up in this lame situation. From what you wrote, it seems to me that he’s over your relationship and is just using you to do shit for him and lend him cash. The decision to take a break was obviously one-sided, putting him in control. Don’t give him this kind of power over you and stop letting him take advantage of you ASAP!
There is no guarantee that in seven months things will magically be better and that you two can have an untroubled relationship again, so either tell him how you feel and work out the problems together, become less dependent on him, or accept that he sucks for letting you go and move on. If he loves you like he says he does, he will listen to what you have to say and work towards a better relationship with you in a way that works for you both. But if he keeps being ‘too busy’ to talk, you should draw your own conclusions. I hope things work out for you!
Clio
xoxo
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Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
