by SG’s Team Agony feat. Lyxzen

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. So my relationship is still new but already it feels like it’s losing its fire. I’ve actually known this girl since I was 17, but she was in a relationship at the time and we ended up losing touch. At the beginning of the month we found each other again online and at first she didn’t know who I was because I’ve changed so much. I keep hearing from her friends that she really likes me, but I just never get the same feeling that she wants me that I felt when we first started being together. I really like her and I really don’t want this to be like all my other relationships where the girl leaves me after a few months. If you have any advice on how to help me keep her around I would greatly appreciate it.

A. Spring has sprung and love is in the air, eh? The beginning of a relationship is so awesome. Butterflies in your stomach all the time; flirty texts, instant messages, and phone calls just to say “hi”; talking to your friends about the object of your affection so much that it borders on being annoying. I’m about a year and a half into my current relationship and I’m still guilty of all of these. Feels good, doesn’t it?

I say soak it in and stop stressing. Not every relationship is going to follow the same pattern of butterflies and giddiness, and some will end up settling down much sooner than others. Regardless of your worry about the flames dying down, your lady’s friends know her best, and if they say she’s into you – you’ve got to trust that. Sounds like you’ve turned out to be a pretty good catch if she ended up falling for you all these years later.

I do want to lay down some Dr. Phil talk on you, though. I’m picking up on insecurities on your end, and a lot of them. Maybe you didn’t like the old you before you changed, and that’s okay. We’re all ever-changing, but only you can decide if you’re growing as a person or devolving. Or maybe it’s this pattern of your previous girlfriends ditching out on you after just a few months that has you mentally preparing yourself for the same thing to happen this time.

Either way, these insecurities are preventing you from just relaxing and enjoying your time with this awesome girl. If all you’re able to do is stress out about how to keep her interest, I promise you that you will lose her interest. I’m sure men have the same sense, but I know for a fact that women can pick up on a lack of confidence pretty easily. It gets exhausting trying to convince someone you’re seeing that they’re attractive enough, intelligent enough, interesting enough, good enough in bed. And the list goes on. One of my friends recently broke it off with a guy because he kept voicing concerns that he didn’t have enough tattoos for her taste. (She hadn’t even thought of it until he brought it up, but his insecurity about it was what actually turned her off!)

Now, if you think your insecurities are more deeply-rooted, talking with a therapist or counselor is an awesome way to take control and start working seriously on the issue. If it’s not quite to that point, focus on spending time with people that make you feel confident (like really supportive friends) and working on hobbies that make you feel great — if you’re artistic or into sports, make time for these things!

And, although it sounds a little less relevant at first, another great thing to help figure yourself out is volunteering with an organization where you know you’re doing something great for other people or animals. Nothing will give you a boost like taking part in planting a community garden, helping homeless critters find loving families, or being a Big Brother or Sister to a kid who needs a role model. Volunteer Match (http://www.volunteermatch.org/) is a great place for anyone to start looking for ways help out in their community.

Let this rad new lady be your motivation to work on your confidence, but do it for yourself. Whether or not she’s in the picture, this pattern you mention will continue if you don’t break the cycle.

Good luck with everything, sweetness, and be sure to send me a wedding invite whenever it happens!

Lyxzen
xoxo

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Nicole Powers

Monday was supposed to start with a march to Boeing’s HQ, but after the craziness of the previous day, this activist, like many I suspect, slept through it.

One of the best things about this whole Chicago odyssey had been the opportunity to meet friends IRL I’d previously been conversing with exclusively online. This phenomenon seemed to be universal among the protesters that had gathered in the city. Consequently, over the past few days, at marches, rallies, and at the Occupy Chicago Convergence Center, Twitter handles seemed to be more ubiquitous than names.

Having attempted but failed miserably to meet up with a group of Twitter friends that were particularly dear to me during the chaos of yesterday’s #NoNATO rally, we decided to rectify the situation first thing today. Therefore, at the crack of midday, I headed to one of the best pizza joints in town to break some authentic deep pan pizza crust with my Twitter besties.

There’s always a little anxiety when meeting digital friends in the flesh for the first time. Would/could I live up to my online persona? Would/could they? Fortunately, in this case, expectations were exceeded, and our friendship affirmed. With relief (on all sides I suspect) that our camaraderie was justified, we finished our food and moved on to the next march.

The focus of this afternoon’s action was immigration policy and ICE, however, as our procession passed the Congress Plaza Hotel on Michigan Avenue, the sight of tourists entering the site of the longest ongoing strike in the US prompted spontaneous chants of “union busting, that’s disgusting” and multiple choruses of “Solidarity Forever.” It was heartening to see occupiers embracing the finer qualities of organized labor so enthusiastically, since at times – despite a natural affinity and synergy based on shared goals – relations between Occupy and the union movement have been strained.

Heading towards the Metropolitan Correction Center, we converged with those that had been on the Boeing march earlier in the day. As our numbers increased, the policing got a little more intense. However, clearly not wanting a repeat of the violence that had marred the previous day, the white shirts were mostly making a concerted effort to facilitate our route.

I ducked out around 5PM, since I had the next day’s SG blog content to post, and also wanted to edit and upload my last batch of photos before jumping on the bus. All fourteen 99% Solidarity-organized and National Nurses United-funded buses, which had set out from eight different cities to ferry 700 activists to the Chicago protests, were scheduled to depart at 10 PM from the same spot they’d dropped us off at on Lake Shore Drive.

During my pizza breakfast/lunch, LA Occupier b0xcar had called me to express concern at the large police presence outside the Occupy Chicago Convergence Center, where our group was converging prior to departure. That same police presence was now in evidence by our buses.

As my cab approached, one officer attempted to divert us. It was only after I explained I was actually getting on one of the buses, that he allowed my driver to pull up in vague proximity. While gathering my luggage, plus several other bags I was transporting for friends, numerous cops took turns to yell at me to hurry up. Actually offering a hand might have been more helpful than screaming at one girl who was clearly having difficulty wrangling six heavy bags. But since assistance wasn’t offered, I clenched my jaw shut and silently took the utterly superfluous verbal abuse.

Over the past 24 hours, one of the paramount concerns of the 99% Solidarity group had been to track those who’d been arrested and facilitate their release, since leaving any of our number behind would be problematic in more ways than one. Diane Moxley, a veteran activist legal adviser who was running jail support, noted that charges tended to match the severity of the baton-induced injuries so police could justify their use of force. However, as our departure time approached, the reality seemed to dawn on the Chicago Police Department that any occupier who missed our bus would likely just occupy Chicago after their eventual release. Not wanting to add to their problems – or Occupy Chicago’s ranks – all but one of our group was released in time to make their ride.

That didn’t mean everyone was going home though.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Full disclosure: Nicole Powers has been assisting with 99% Solidarity’s efforts and is in no way an impartial observer. She is proud of this fact.

Related Posts:

99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 1 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 2 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 3 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road TripFrom Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 4 (Pt. 1) Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 4 (Pt. 2) Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 5 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago

by Nicole Powers

Excitement for the dawn of a day that had taken much planning was severely tempered by the harsh reality of the night before. Sleep deprived but running on adrenalin, our group headed over to Grant Park.

In the same way the powers that be had tried to frame the narrative for the May Day ‘General Strike’ action by conveniently breaking news that morning of a terrorist plot by supposed Occupy activists, news of the arrest of the NATO 3 on the eve of M20 had been a prominent talking point over the past day. However, by now, more details were emerging, which made the whole scenario seem very suspect.

A pattern had started to emerge that had distinct similarities to the alleged May 1st plan to blow up an Ohio bridge – a scenario that turned out to be facilitated by the FBI to entrap a group of unfortunates who, left to their own devices, would likely be barely able to set off fireworks on bonfire night. Similarly, with the NATO 3 there was much talk of planted evidence and a highly suspect search warrant.

Following a speech by Jesse Jackson, Chris Geovanis of Chicago Indymedia briefed members of the media under the shade of a press not-quite-tent. She told us that when the police conducted the search that had lead to the NATO 3’s arrest it had taken them four hours to produce a warrant which was unsigned when it finally arrived. “That is the hallmark of dirty policing in this town,” said Giovanis, “There may very well be police entrapment here.”

The sun was beating down on Grant Park, so as the rallying cries began in the band shell, protesters were mostly scattered to take advantage of any shade they could find. Tactical and medic briefings wisely took place amidst clumps of trees.

Just before 2 PM, the protesters – and police – began to take formation, lining up in the road alongside the park. Protesters took their place in the center of the street, which was lined by police in riot helmets on either side. At the top of the march, ahead of the official rally banner, press were kettled in a pen of their own. Two police trucks were parked in front of the press pen, and in front of them, somewhat bizarrely, there was a red double-decker sight-seeing bus, the top floor of which was filled with news camera crews.

As the march set off, with the indie media segregated from the protesters, they resorted to interviewing each other. This made more sense that it might otherwise have, since the persecution of key livestreamers and members of the Twitterverse and Bloggersphere, had become one of the main stories of the day.

Walking through the streets of Chicago, I fell in step with Luke Rudkowski a.k.a. ‏‪@Lukewearechange, who was giving an on camera interview as he did his livestreaming thing. Listening in, I heard him talk about how he’d spent the night at a “safe house” outside of the city. This was a precaution several other streamers had thought it prudent to take. “We stream live, raw and unedited for people to make up their own mind,” explained Luke to the old guard reporter. “It’s a very weird situation when homeland security is interviewing your friends about you.”

When they weren’t comparing war stories from the past 24-hours, those in the press kettle were gleefully mocking the news crews atop the double-decker bus. Physically separated from the actual march by the two police trucks, these so called “journalists” were limited to reporting a perspective the police controlled. It served as a graphic illustration as to why the world is tuning into livestreams as mainstream news audiences continue to fall.

Halfway through the march, I ducked under the leading “NO to NATO warmakers” banner and worked my way back through the impressively large mass of bodies. I found my friends just as the march ground to a halt at a point where a group of veterans intended to symbolically hand back their medals. Hot, tired, and too far back to hear the speeches, we spread our large banner on the ground and lay down on top of it.

As I lay back and sunbathed with my eyes closed, I could hear the crowd at the head of the march taunting the cops on horseback who were blocking their way (“Get that animal off that horse”). When I open them once more, much of the crowd has already dissipated. Parched, I left my group, and went in search of somewhere to buy a drink. This turned out to be a highly fortuitous time to act on my thirst.

Heading back along the march route I encountered massive formations of ominously attired officers from a variety of law enforcement agencies. The state police I passed in full RoboCop body armor looked particularly threatening, sporting batons of a size and length more akin to baseball bats. Before ducking into a convenience store I passed one who was clearly in a leadership role. His smile, swagger, not to mention the large, lighted cigar he made a huge show of savoring all seemed highly inappropriate.

Heading back with supplies in hand, I bumped into my California 99% Solidarity media bus comrade @CodeFrameSF. He was one of several new but fast friends I’d made over the course of this hectic and historic weekend. As we made our way back towards the rally the CPD issued their first dispersal warning. A few minutes later the first of several injured and bloodied protesters began to trickle by, the most severe cases were being tended to and/or carried by Occupy medics. At this point, having got a fair idea of what was likely to come watching the livestreams the previous night, this reporter decided to get the fuck out of dodge.

Back in the relative comfort of the 99% Solidarity base camp, I monitored the livestreams. With the permit having timed out at 4 PM for the official march, it had now morphed into one of the wildcat variety, which was being policed with increasing ferocity.

Once again, the mainstream press were paying attention to Occupy for all the wrong reasons. Members of our group clustered around the TV and channel surfed through several network news reports.

The visions of violence were so shocking that the collective tone of the anchors was distinctly sympathetic to those on the business end of the batons. “We’ve also seen police officers pummeling people and we don’t know why,” noted CNN’s Don Lemon. Later on in the same report, after viewing a particularly brutal shot, he exclaimed, “My goodness! Does anyone deserve that?”

Reports of injuries and arrests were coming in thick and fast. At this point one of our number with legal experience peeled off to do jail support.

Disturbed by the riot porn that was taking over the TV on all channels, and in need of food and beverages of the alcoholic variety, the rest of our group decamped to a local eatery. The conversation was subdued, as our number stared down at their iPhone and iPad screens, keeping tabs on the wildcat marches that continued on for several hours.

As we walked back our base, a by now beyond capacity Red Roof Inn room, a brief moment of semi-delirious levity took hold as we spontaneously broke out in a chorus of our new favorite chant: “What do we want? Time travel. When do we want it? It’s relevant.” Yeah, I know, it’s occu-humor. Like much about the movement, you either get it or you don’t.

Full disclosure: Nicole Powers has been assisting with 99% Solidarity’s efforts and is in no way an impartial observer. She is proud of this fact.

Related Posts:

99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 1 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 2 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 3 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road TripFrom Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 4 (Pt. 1) Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 4 (Pt. 2) Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago

by Nicole Powers

The action that had taken up much of the first part of my day had gone down in my personal history as one of the most civilized political protests I’d ever participated in (see previous post). It was in a great neighborhood – the mayor’s – in the midst of a handsome tree-lined street, which provided just the right amount of shade. The neighbors we surprisingly happy to see us, which is testament to how popular Rahm Emanuel is in his own hood. There was lots of beautiful flowering shrubbery, albeit with riot cops popping up out of it at regular intervals, and vendors were serving ice cream and fruit popsicles out of carts.

Afterwards I’d hopped onto a train and returned to 99% Solidarity’s temporary base to edit images and exploit their wi-fi so I could upload them. I’d also intended to post an updated blog, but then shit started hitting the proverbial fan…

I first began to realize that something was awry when several sources warned me it might be best if I refrained from attending a National Streamers Meeting that was planned for that evening. Then Twitter started to explode with news that superstar livestreamer Tim Pool’s (aka @Timcast) Chicago lodging had been surrounded and searched. Later Pool tweeted that his car had been stopped and that he, fellow streamer Luke Rudkowski a.k.a. @Lukewearechange, and three others has been detained by CPD at gunpoint (see video below). Other 140 character or less posts confirmed the monitoring, detainment and/or arrest of several other online personalities and streamers.

Justified paranoia set in amongst their ranks as they realized they may have become targets of a coordinated effort to silence the truly free media. @YourAnonNews perhaps summed it up best, when they called it “a war on bloggers.”

The rationale for this strategy became all too apparent after two marches – one in support of the NATO 3 who had been arrested earlier in the day and another against police brutality – converged and rapidly devolved into a brutal cat and mouse game. After several hours, the police kettled increasingly panicked protesters in Millennium Park.

At this point, I got a call from one of our #CaliDST members @TRWBS, who’d been shooting at close quarters when a police van had seemingly deliberately plowed down a protester (he was later identified as Jack Amico of Occupy Wall Street). @TRWBS’ footage of the incident was among the first to be archived, and rapidly went viral (see video below). There were numerous other images being posted of shocking uses of force, arrests, and bloody injuries.

Like a deer in headlights, at one point I just sat head in hands, overwhelmed by what was coming through on the various Twitter feeds and Livestreams. Events were unfolding faster than I could process them. I was at a loss for words and stopped even attempting to type. And just when I thought shit couldn’t get crazier, it did.

Likely panicked by footage of the carnage on the street, which by now had hit the mainstream news, a call came into 99% Solidarity’s base saying that the bus company had cancelled all of the NNU-sponsored buses, which had been booked to transport protesters from Occupy Chicago’s Convergence Center to the main #M20 #NoNATO rally at Grant Park the next day. The tone of the bus coordinator’s voice, which I overheard as it was broadcast on speakerphone, said more than any of the words coming out of his mouth as he laid out a litany of so last minute they were implausible excuses as to why suddenly absolutely none of the fleet of 14 buses would be available the next day.

With chaos still raining on the streets, I monitored the livestreams to make sure my fearless #CaliDST friends were OK. One by one they signed off for the night, and as the Twitterverse calmed down I finally succumbed to sleep.

Full disclosure: Nicole Powers has been assisting with 99% Solidarity’s efforts and is in no way an impartial observer. She is proud of this fact.

Related Posts:

99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 1 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 2 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 3 Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road TripFrom Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago
99Solidarity Occu-Bus: Day 4 (Pt. 1) Of Our Epic Coast-To-Coast Road Trip From Los Angeles To New York By Way Of Chicago

by Steven Whitney

The long, agonizing, and often unintentionally hilarious Republican debates – the multi-network reality show that ran more first-run episodes than most network series – are finally over. And the one thing you have to grant early loser Rick Perry, the second successive mentally-challenged Governor of Texas, is that he never once claimed that “What three cabinet departments would you eliminate?” was a gotcha question.

While one can hope his restraint was the beginning of a new Republican trend, all evidence points in the other direction. Egged on by Fox (Not Really the) News and an almost complete lack of facts supporting their delusional positions, Republican candidates of all stripes – those running for local and state offices, and those aspiring to the House, Senate, and Presidential chambers – will be forced to campaign on lies, made-up fantasies, wild accusations, and, yes, outrageous whining and crocodile tears (or should we call them elephant tears?) when asked “gotcha” questions, especially when the gotcha is not a gotcha at all.

So where did the gotcha question come from?

Early in the 20th century, the gotcha question grew internationally popular through the fictional mysteries of Agatha Christie and Erle Stanley Gardner (Perry Mason). Said well-plotted gotchas always resolved the complex story at the climactic moment, freeing the innocent and/or condemning the guilty.

Before long, police detectives across America were encouraged to manipulate frightened, confused, exhausted, and unwitting suspects through a series of questions that would eventually lead to a self-incriminating answer.

So, too did trial attorneys on both sides strive for the most dramatic gotcha moments to impress upon juries the defendants’ innocence or guilt.

Then came the historic 1966 Miranda Decision, in which the Supreme Court restored suspects’ constitutional rights (to remain silent, etc.) by reaffirming the 4th and 5th Amendments. With attorneys now in the interrogation room, it became almost impossible to ensnare suspects into gotcha statements. Indeed, fearing accidental gotchas, most attorneys advised their clients to “shut the fuck up,” and gotchas became largely ineffective as a law enforcement tool.

Spying opportunity, and not bound by legal restraints, the press jumped feet first into the gotcha arena which – with the Cold War, the RFK and MLK assassinations, Vietnam, the Pentagon Papers, global student uprisings, and so much more – ushered in the glory years of investigative journalism. Indeed, Watergate provided perhaps the most famous gotcha question of all: What did he know and when did he know it?

With modern journalism’s mandate to make the news as well as report it, gotcha scenarios expanded exponentially, becoming the coup de grâce of political reportage – the gotcha moment of Muskie crying, the gotcha photo of Dukakis’ tank helmet, the gotcha forensics of a semen stain on Monica Lewinsky’s skirt. The victims were mostly Democrats, wounded by a relentless gotcha strategy employed by the Republican machine (and well-funded by the 1%)…and yet, I never heard a Democrat complain about a gotcha.

That was left to ill-informed Republicans, who bitched and moaned about every relevant question they could not answer while accusing the so-called liberal media of gotcha journalism.

But after the Supreme Court installed Bush and Cheney into the Executive Office, Republicans hit upon a unique solution to hide their cluelessness. If you asked a tough question, or even one they simply didn’t like, you were denied access and, worse, had to “earn” your way back into their so-called “circle of trust.” If a reporter on a political beat does not have or cannot get access to insiders, the news organization has no choice but to install a new reporter who can get access. The new Republican policy was: ask a tough question, you risk your job, your health insurance, your house, everything. So when the counselor at the Midnight Mission wonders how you became homeless and riddled with pox, you can only say: “I asked Dick Cheney what was discussed at his secret meeting with oil executives on May 31, 2001.”

But now that Republicans once again need the media, they’re reluctantly submitting to media debates and interviews. And their awful whining is about to hit fever pitch.

So let’s define it. A gotcha question is one that leads inescapably to a self-incriminating or self-defeating answer. While there may be many forms of gotchas, they are designed almost solely to trap, or corner, or “get” the target.

At the same time, gotcha questions are fair as long as they fall within one unspoken rule of honest journalism – that questions must arise from the real actions, thoughts, promises, and platforms of the person being questioned.

Here, as examples, are some legitimate questions based on the words and actions of some prominent right-wingers.

To Rick Santorum (and other Evangelical candidates): Like Abraham, if you heard God order you to kill your eldest child as a proof of your faith, what would you do?

To Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito: If you were speaking from the bench at a Court proceeding and one of the attorneys stood up and yelled “Liar!”…would that constitute Contempt of Court?

To any Republican running for office: Why is your pledge to Grover Norquist more sacred than your oath of office?

To Mitt Romney: Why are you on both sides of every important issue?

Given these real gotchas…really, how tough is “What do you read?”

Here’s a rule of thumb: anyone whining about a tough but legitimate question must be asked just one follow-up question: are you smarter than a 5th Grader? If you aren’t, you shouldn’t be running for any office, not even dogcatcher.

Gotcha!

[..]

by Blogbot

Every week we ask the ladies and gentlemen of the web to show us their finest ink in celebration of #TattooTuesday.

Our favorite submission from Twitter wins a free 3 month membership to SuicideGirls.com.

This week’s #TattooTuesday winner is Caitlynn Wachter a.k.a. @caitlynnmariex.

Enter this week’s competition by replying to this tweet with a pic of your fav tattoo and the #tattootuesday hashtag.

Good luck!

A few things to remember:

• You have to be 18 to qualify.
• The tattoo has to be yours…that means permanently etched on your body.
• On Twitter we search for your entries by looking up the hashtag #TattooTuesday, so make sure you include it in your tweet!

Check out the Tattoo Tuesday winners of weeks past!

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Yulia

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: So here’s my problem, while I’m sure it is not unique it’s the first time I’ve come across it. I am interested in a woman that is a single parent. I am one too. However, my access to my son is alternating weekends, whereas she is, from what I can tell, the only parent in the picture. As I’m sure you can guess, this makes going out very difficult for her.

Sincerely, trying to remember how to date!

A: You are in a tough and confusing situation, for sure! It’s hard enough beginning any relationship after being single for a long time, but you’re interested in someone whose first concern will always be for her daughter. Even if she is actively hoping to get together with you, her desire is not her priority. Because you mention childcare I will assume her daughter is young.

It’s nerve-racking when you’ve flown solo for so long but finally have feelings for someone else. It can feel like you’re hitting puberty all over again — figuratively speaking — and experiencing that first crush. What do you say? How do you let her know? How do you know what she feels? Even though you’re past this initial stage and have already planned on spending time together, you’re still waiting for the first date. If at all possible, try to see this as anticipation and excitement rather than frustration. I’m not suggesting you stop trying to plan, but that you focus on what could be and share these feelings with the woman you’re into and maybe it will motivate her to find a good babysitter.

Easier said than done, I know. Is her child very young, or old enough to understand a few things? If we’re talking about an infant, this won’t apply, but if the child is in school than your love interest may be worried about how that child will feel if his or her mother is dating. You say there’s no father in the picture, so the mother may fear her child will get attached to quickly or immediately see you as a potential dad. She may also fear the child will see you as competition for attention. She may not want the child to see her go through the range of emotions relationships bring. However, she has expressed interest in seeing you, so if she is deeply concerned about any of this, she may be willing to see you if you agree to underplay the significance of your relationship in front of the child (at least for now). There is nothing wrong with this! Many single parents choose to wait for months before telling their children about a relationship. They aren’t lying or hiding their partners; they’re simply making sure this is important enough to share with the kids. When it is, it will be that much more meaningful.

If that’s not the case, could you suggest getting together with the kids? If both your children are there it will seem more natural, and you could even fudge the storyline a bit by telling the kids you’re friends from work, Say you just happened to have four tickets to the ball game and needed two more people. Just don’t alter the truth too often or someone will catch on. Kids aren’t stupid!

Meanwhile, perhaps there’s a way you can help her find child care. Do you know any great babysitters? Do you have any responsible relatives nearby looking for a bit of extra work? If money is an issue, offer to split the cost of a babysitter. If trust is an issue, you could suggest meeting with candidates and then inviting them to spend time with both mother and child to create that trust.

Above all, pay attention to non-verbal signs you get from her. Is she really interested, but concerned about her kid’s reaction? Is she into you, but nervous for herself? Maybe she hasn’t dated in a long time either, or maybe you are the first person she has felt an attraction to since the child’s father. Try to find some common ground in your struggles to get together and work from there.

Yulia

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com