by Laurelin

The promise of a new year is always something that gives me such hope. It’s silly really. It’s a day in your life, the day after yesterday, and the day before tomorrow. It is no different from any other day except for one number after the same year as last year. But for some reason, every new year people make new promises: promises to become better people, thinner, nicer, get a better job, forgive their parents, donate to more charities. People want to feel like they have the power to change the path they are headed down, no matter what path it was; it doesn’t matter because it is a NEW YEAR and we can be anything we want. I am just like everyone else in the sense that I crave a reason to make me try harder to be someone worthwhile, but I also am not disillusioned that this new year can just magically bring about immediate change for the better.

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by Laurelin

The word “zing” is not in my vocabulary. I don’t remember ever having said it, nor have I ever heard it used in everyday conversation. However, I’m pretty sure when used in the context of a message during a particularly nasty text war with the ex, the word “zing” is equivalent to “fuck you.”

Breaking up is never easy. Everyone is quick to weigh in on your breakup once they hear about it. I’ve heard it all: the voicemail breakup, the post it breakup (how very Sex in the City of him), the text message breakup. Then there were the pep talks: the my-relationship-was-longer-than-yours-so-it-was-worse pep talk, the you’re-better-off-without-him pep talk, and, my personal favorite, the why-would-you-be-upset-about-him-he’s-wearing-a-velour-track-suit-in-public pep talk. People just want to help you get though, it’s heartwarming and gut wrenching at the same time.

I lucked out and got dumped while my [ex] boyfriend was blackout drunk and trying to get me to watch Youtube videos of The Muppets. All of a sudden, it wasn’t working out and here I am, wide eyed and trying to figure out what to do now while he falls into a blissful alcoholic coma next to me. I must have dozed off at some point, because I woke up a few hours later to the alarming sounds of someone sleep-peeing in the corner. I mopped up the urine that soaked my Complete Works of Shakespeare and threw away the last two years with the soggy paper towels. For some strange reason I felt like things could only go up from there.

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by SG’s Team Agony

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. I’m young, 18 years to be exact, and I was hoping that maybe you girls could give me some advice. Here’s the story…Earlier this year, around the middle of February, I started seeing this girl. We’d talked a few times before, and had gotten to know each other pretty well. She started coming over to where I live and we just hung out, played some games, and just bonded.

As you probably already figured out, we had feelings towards each other even though the relationship only lasted a little over a month. I was devastated. I tried to talk her out of it, but I couldn’t. I broke down and though three months passed, the feelings I had for her never left. I tried talking to her in July, only to find out that she hates me. So I stopped talking to her and attempted to block her out of my mind, but I couldn’t get her out of my mind either. These days, I’ve been thinking about her more and more, but she hates me and is now married. What would you do? Some advice would help, if you’re up to it. Sorry it was long and boring.

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by Brad Warner

Only a few more days before the annual War On Christmas ends! So get your shots in quick!

Ever since returning to the United States after spending eleven years of my life in Japan, the furor over Christmas has been especially amusing to me. Add to this the fact that I’m a Buddhist and not a Christian or an atheist – those being the two groups who are most upset about the matter – and I find it extra double-double hilarious (with whipped cream on top).

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By SG’s Team Agony

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. I’m 21-years of age and I’ve been going through a lot. I’ve known a girl for about 8 years and we’ve always been off and on. We stopped talking for 3 years and when we started talking again in April I found out she had a baby. That didn’t bother me. She was no longer with the father of her son but they still kept in contact and her son was still able to see his dad every week. She and I decided to get together and I treated her son as if he was my own. I fell in love with her son – he made me feel so happy when I was around him.

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by Andrea Larrabee

“I’m old fashioned and modern at the same time,” Rachel Federoff tells me at one point during our phone interview. As a key player in the hit Bravo TV show Millionaire Matchmaker – which is now in its fourth and most successful season to date – Federoff must reconcile her intrinsically alternative self with the always outspoken and often very traditional beliefs of her mentor Patti Stanger, who founded the Millionaire’s Club, the elite matchmaking service upon which the show is based.

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By SG’s Team Agony

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

[Salome in Pop Art Clash ]

Q. I’m 26, he’s 50. I really like him, he is respectful, thoughtful, humble, smart, funny, and just an overall wonderful person with good energy. We have been seeing another for about 3 months now. I was in a bad living situation, and I just moved in with him over the weekend. We both have every intention of this being temporary. I know my feelings will get stronger, as they already have in the last month. He occasionally makes jokes about our age difference, and I feel that it bothers him. I’ve never dated anyone even close to his age, nor did I ever see myself doing so, but it doesn’t bother me at all. I guess I’m just wonderingly what the chances are of things working out.

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