When SuicideGilrs last spoke with The Daily Show’s Senior Women’s Issues Commentator, Kristen Schaal, she was in the process of doing exhaustive research for a sex guide she was penning with her boyfriend, Daily Show staff writer Rich Blomquist. Two years later, after much sweat, tears, soiled sheets and general stickiness – their rigorously field-tested manual, The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex, is in stores. In this excerpt, Schaal and Blomquist take a peak through a Glory Wormhole to give us an incite into the future of sex.
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Teledildonics
by Kristen Schaal and Rich Blomquist
In the future, you’ll be having the best sex of your life, and your partner won’t even be there. No, you won’t be masturbating (at least not every time). You’ll be fucking each other thousands of miles apart with the help of remote stimulation devices known as teledildos.
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by Star Padilla
Trikoton has stepped up the game when it comes to self-expression and individuality in fashion. The Berlin-based fashion house has found a unique way to reflect your personality in their clothing. The company uses the sound of your speech as source code for designs that are then woven into their high-tech knit garments.
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by Fred Topel
“Eventually I’ll have to do something so I earn some money.”
– David Cross
David Cross is so deadpan, you might not even be able to tell he’s joking. Certainly when you type his text out and read it, it feels totally straight. That’s why it’s funny. He says things that are inappropriate or ridiculous in casual conversation, then moves on. It’s not that he’s “on” like a lot of comedians who aren’t comfortable unless someone’s laughing. Cross might prefer if you didn’t get it and reported a sarcastic remark as fact. Not so fast, David Cross – we’re onto you.
His new show, The Incredibly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, gives Cross another vehicle for that type of humor. The IFC series stars Cross in the title role. He created and wrote the show about an energy drink salesman sent to England to head up the company’s U.K. sales force. Todd keeps lying about his accomplishments, his abilities and even his home address. It makes his bad decisions worse when he tries to cover for his fibs.
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Epiic Suicide in Squidcats
- INTO: Looking at photography, art, videos, short films, movies, interesting cinematics. I’m easily captivated through my eyes. Also very intrigued by good rhythm and sexy beats. Music moves me. I love nerds, girl on girl action, tattoos, piercings, sarcasm, comedians, and having a kickass time!.
- NOT INTO: Rude and disrespectful people.
- MAKES ME HAPPY: New clothes from Hot Topic, bows, shinny stuff, weed, corny jokes, movies, pets, smell of cinnamon, being able to be me, laughing, great quotes, interesting people, sex, love, and friendship.
- MAKES ME SAD: Holding back, shame, guilt, pain, sun in my eyes, jerks, smell of horses, taste of cinnamon, rude and disrespectful people.
- HOBBIES: Piercing, fashion design, dancing, singing in the car, cut/style hair, cooking, riding horses, and travel.
- 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Computer, internet, eye liner, push-up bra, and camera.
- VICES: Always losing everything, biting my lip, [a tendency to be] shy, sarcastic and [have] a sharp tongue..
- I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Playing World of Warcraft or at the movies.
Get to know Epiic better over at SuicideGirls.com!
