I have a tattoo on my arm. Well, I have a lot of tattoos on my arm, but the focal point of the whole thing is a portrait of Anne Boleyn. People always ask me, “Why her? Didn’t she get her head chopped off?” Indeed, she did. But that’s not why I have it. Back in the 16th century in England women were expected to be beautiful and ladylike at all times, they were supposed to dance, sing, stitch, and take their place next to their husbands quietly, never betraying emotion, only smiling sweetly even during the worst pain. Anne is a constant reminder of that very behavior. She changed the course of history by never allowing her king to see weakness in spirit. Even after he sentenced her to death she still kept her head high. When I want to cry, I smile sweetly and never betray my feelings. Even when my heart is breaking or when I’m terrified, no one will ever know; I know my place and it’s to never falter.
I’ve always been a fan of the phrase “fake it ’til you make it.” If you act like you know what the hell is going, on people are more likely to think that you do. This can be applied to most any area of your life — most recently for me at work; a promotion at my music club in Boston finds me off the bar and in a brand spanking new manager role which leaves me terrified daily. I have no idea what I’m doing; all these fancy bands and employees now answer to me — I have never been in charge in my life! I just fake it. Act like I know what I’m doing, and it will all fall into place and one day I won’t have to act anymore, one day I really will be this boss lady.
This mantra can be applied to relationships as well. A recent breakup (yes, I know, another one) has left me slightly damaged. I don’t know exactly where it went wrong, but somewhere during our summer in the city we lost something, and it was too far gone to be repaired. Somehow the nights of drinking hadn’t led to those talks that bring people closer together, and instead of trying to fix it, we both allowed the rope to fray until finally, something snapped. We didn’t even have time to heal; working together only a day after the breakup was like rubbing salt into an open wound. I wanted to scream in everyone’s face as I smiled sweetly and took their drink order, “Do you know what this is doing to me?!” Never once did I stumble, and neither did he.
I don’t know if it’s hard for him to see me, and I wonder if he knows that every time I smile or laugh or even talk to him that it’s all an act, every move rehearsed, planned, like a puppet on a stage. I don’t hang out at our bar as much on my nights off, but when I do, every minute spent trying not to look at him feels like an hour. Whatever guy I’m talking to might as well be speaking French, that’s how much I’m paying attention. The room is nothing but a dull roar in the background of my mind, and all I am thinking is “don’t fall.”
There’s something to be said about the way I go about things. Maybe it’s not healthy, maybe it’s avoidance, running away, a sham. Who knows? Maybe this isn’t easy on him either, and watching me just go back to my single life is equally as trying on his shot nerves. I have no way of ever knowing. All I know is that every other time I have built this wall, one day, I wake up and I’m fine. By forcing this immediate friendship I am diving headfirst into daily trauma, but I am laying the groundwork for a normal future. I have no room in my life for hate, so even if I am bursting with anger he’ll never see it.
I know one day, just like all the rest of my ex’s, I will be able to call him a friend. One day I’ll be able to look at him and not have to fake a smile that will tug at the corners of lifeless eyes. One day I will walk into my music club and not shake after I interview an employee or ask a tour manager to please pay attention and sign this contract. Maybe this is life beyond the bar scene after all, being in control and in charge of work and my emotions even though I feel like running to the bathroom in tears. Maybe this is just growing up, accepting this feeling of being scared and alone but powering though because there is no other choice but to go on, no choice but to hold your head high and conquer anything because in this life failure is not an option.
Joss Whedon is no mere mortal in need of rest and relaxation. After wrapping up The Avengers, Whedon used his month long vacation to do a secret shooting of an adaptation of Shakespeare’s masterpiece Much Ado About Nothing
JOSS WHEDON: Well, it’s not a bit secret that I’ve done these [Shakespeare] readings before, and I always had a vague notion of shooting Much Ado. But I didn’t really have a take on it. And then, for some reason, I kinda sorta did. As we were finishing The Avengers in New York, my wife and I were planning our vacation for our 20th anniversary. And she said, “Let’s not take the vacation. Make a movie instead.” I was like, “I’m not even sure if I can adapt the script, cast the movie, and prep it in a month.” And she was like, “Well, that’s your vacation time, so you do it.” And so I did.
Starring several members of the Whedonverse, the cast includes: Nathan Fillion, Alexis Denisof (Angel), and Fran Kranz (Dollhouse), amongst others. Shooting the film in only twelve days, the entire cast managed to keep the project secret until it was announced via a press release.
Whedon isn’t the only one moving past The Avengers in a hurry. Marvel has announced several superhero sequels for 2013. All the usual suspects are present: Iron Man 3, Thor 2, Captain America 2, and the long rumored Ant-Man is still on the list.
With three exceedingly mediocre movies based on The Punisher, it’s surprising to hear that he’s getting another chance, this time on TV. If anything could make this situation more shaky, Fox has purchased the rights to the series. Odds are it will either be fantastic and immediately get cancelled, or it’s going to be another agonizing hour of prime time that they’ll keep around for years to come.
Mark Hamill tweeted his goodbye to voice acting as the Joker after Arkham City was released. The goodbyes weren’t so final as he quickly reneged on his statement when asked about an adaption of the graphic novel The Killing Joke. After his confirmation he’d come back for such a project, a fan movement started to get the project in motion.
With so many other interesting TV series popping up, is it surprising to learn that Stephen King’s The Dark Tower has gone from film to television? Producer Brian Gazer reports that the series has been picked up by HBO. There is still the possibility of a movie, but they intend to ‘do it right.’
For those Star Wars fans not heart broken by the series being rereleased in 3D, the trailer for Episode I has made it online (though it was subsequently pulled from YouTube by Fox).
Moving onto more exciting sci-fi movies, Ender’s Game the movie has received an official release date of March 15, 2013. The film is still over a year out, but after a long rollercoaster ride of the project being off and on, it’s great to see a solid date.
First they released the sneakers from the Back to the Future movies, then they announced the rerelease of the DeLorean. As if in an attempt to make Back to the Future’s timeline absolutely correct, development of a real hoverboard is underway. The board currently needs a rail to guide it, but they have two years to fix that.
Pulling one straight from the Disney playbook, Warner Bros. will pull all Harry Potter DVD titles off the shelves on December 29, 2011; this includes the soon to be released Deathly Hallow Part 2. If you haven’t finished your collection, now is your chance. Who knows when Warner Bros. will release the films back into circulation? I’m betting no less than ten years.
Not the most shocking news, but Rockstar has officially announced Grand Theft Auto V. The preview will be released on November 2. I’m hoping they change things up a bit, perhaps a female protagonist?
On a final note, massive video game convention Blizzcon 2011 has come and passed. Several major announcements were made for World of Warcraft, including the introduction of the first neutral race, Pandaren. Most impressively, it looks like Blizzard plans on releasing three games next year, the expansions for World of Warcraft , Starcraft, and Diablo III.
