by Laurelin

I had this post written over a week ago. I had just walked home from his house for what I knew would be the last time. I was so sad that I could have cried, but I didn’t. I sat down and I wrote about it. When I woke up later and re-read what I had written, I knew it could never see the light of day. He didn’t deserve those words, like he didn’t deserve me. Words help me remember, and I desperately need to forget.

I had written something like it before: ten years ago sitting in an ex-boyfriend’s house in Providence. He was going to leave me, I knew it, so while he slept I would look around. I memorized the way the black curtains fell across the dirty cracked window pane, the way I could see the black bars of the fire escape over the setting sun and Providence skyline. I memorized every poster: Marilyn Manson, The Crow, the black and white kissing girls. I memorized the way it smelled, like Yankee Candle’s Moonlight Path mixed with the shavings from the snake and iguana cages. But most of all I would look at him.

The way his two metal gauged hoop earrings clinked together when I touched his face. (Years later I would buy the same earrings just to hear that sound.) My fingers had traced every outline of his body and just watching him sleep was enough to make me want to cry. Because I knew he was going to leave me, and I wanted to remember. I didn’t want to ever forget a single thing.

And when he did leave me, I wrote it all down. I said that the sky would never be as beautiful as it looked though his window. I was foolish; that that one didn’t deserve those words either. But I always treasured them. I remember being caught scribbling by one of my sorority sisters, and when she asked me to read her something I had written I hesitated before deciding to read her that essay. I got about halfway though when I noticed she had tears streaming down her face. When I was done she grabbed my hand and told me that I should never stop writing. We cried, but I was happy to have finally shared him with someone.

Last Friday after creeping in from his apartment I decided that enough was enough. I would never again notice how leaving the bar drunk my hand slides so easily into his. I would never again get so drunk that I would try to not feel ashamed for winding up in his arms, knowing he was only holding me because he had no one better. Last Friday I wrote my final piece about loving him, and I said goodbye.

I had traced his every outline, but his feeling will fade, and in time so will this sharp feeling of total loss. I might run into him again down the line, and hopefully by then I will be able to genuinely smile. Hopefully by then I won’t have to turn away so he won’t see my lower lip trembling. I write to remember, but some things need to be forgotten, erased. Hopefully one day I can come back to this and remember how last Friday was the start of something worth remembering.

[..]

by Damon Martin

The comic book industry has never been afraid to tackle tough and somewhat controversial subjects. They’ve featured stories of alcoholism, drug abuse, rape, and many other difficult themes that may have seemed somewhat taboo for a world that mostly involves spandex clad super heroes and mystical villains. The comic book world is more about fantasy than reality, but sometimes reality collides with their fantasy world.

Following President Barack Obama’s historic speech recently, in which he became the first sitting American president to endorse gay marriage, the topic has become a hot button subject on every talk show, news show and press outlet in the world. And now it appears the comic book industry is getting on board as well.

In 1992, Marvel revealed that Northstar, a character that was featured at the time in the Alpha Flight comic book, was indeed gay. Now 20 years later, in issue #50 of the Astonishing X-Men, Northstar (real name Jean-Paul Beaubier) proposed to his long time boyfriend Kyle Jinadu. They will marry in issue #51 set to hit stores in June.

“The Marvel Universe has always reflected the world outside your window, so we strive to make sure our characters, relationships and stories are grounded in that reality,” Marvel editor-in-chief, Axel Alonso said in a press release. “We’ve been working on this story for over a year to ensure Northstar and Kyle’s wedding reflects Marvel’s ‘world outside your window’ tradition.”

In addition to the wedding between X-Man Northstar and the love of his life Kyle Jinadu, DC Comics is set to reveal a major character as gay in the coming months in one of their books.

DC has tackled the subject previously, including with the relaunch of the Batwoman series in 2006 that revealed lead character Kathy Kane was a lesbian. The Batwoman comic has remained a top seller for DC over the last few years, and J.H. Williams III has actually been named the ‘Artist of the Year’ for Batwoman the last two years running by SuicideGirls.

Now, a major male character is apparently set to come out of the closet. “One of the major iconic DC characters will reveal that he is gay in a storyline in June,” said DC Comics co-publisher Dan DiDio earlier this month.

While no solid confirmation has been given by DC Comics regarding who it will be, most rumors have pointed to the original Green Lantern, Alan Scott, who was originally introduced to the DC Universe in 1941. He was the first ever Green Lantern, although in a much different incarnation than the Green Lantern Corps that survive today in most comic books.

The comic book industry as a whole has always been focused more towards the young male demographic, but these new characters help to broaden the comic book universe. It may sound hokey or somewhat old fashioned to think that way, but comic books are a real slice of pop culture and the introduction of more gay characters as well as the idea of gay marriage can only be seen as a positive step in the realm of science fiction, fantasy, comics, and real world social dynamics.

by Daniel Robert Epstein

“It’’s my music but in a totally different context, and it made me realize that it’’s possible for me to do things like that.”
– Clint Mansell

Clint Mansell was the lead vocalist and guitarist of the British band Pop Will Eat Itself. But now he is scoring major Hollywood movies such as Murder by Numbers, Suspect Zero and the upcoming videogame adaptation DOOM. But he is currently in the middle of his biggest challenge, scoring The Fountain for his long time collaborator Darren Aronofsky. I got a chance to catch up with Mansell on the Montréal set of The Fountain.

Read our exclusive interview with Clint Mansell on SuicideGirls.com.

Zephyr Suicide in Afternoon Tea

• INTO: Plenty of things. More than likely if it exists, I’ve taken an interest in it at some point. My biggest interests are art, books, videogames and food/drink. I like history, and I certainly love a good conspiracy theory. I love dominance and go all gooey-eyed when I see a pretty lady. Oh, I also love useless knowledge. Feel free to send me random factoids.
• NOT INTO: Greasy foods, bad music and pretentious assholes.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Creepy Asian horror movies, loud, shitty music, and a good cup of tea.
• MAKES ME SAD: Animal abuse, homophobia, and people with low self confidence.
• HOBBIES: Drawing/painting, playing games, and being awesome.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: PS3, hair dye, my Nook, tea, endless supply of fresh fruit.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Working, playing videogames, reading or drawing.

Get to know Zephyr better over at SuicideGirls.com!