Ramonne Suicide in Loves Nico

• INTO: Art and steal souls.
• NOT INTO: Drugs…
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Beer, friends, sleeping, rainy days, whiskey, cigarettes, kisses, hugs, being loved, music, surprises, gifts, bothering people 🙂
• MAKES ME SAD: Not being loved, infidelity, animal abuse, lies.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: You, Coca Cola, music, sex, internet.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Studying and thinking of you ;).

Get to know Ramonne better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by @NicolePowers and @VizFoSho

October 19 was a momentous night in the Twitterverse. We were having some after-hours lulz involving over nine thousand #tittysprinkles, when all of a sudden our favorite Twitter play thing, the @DBZNappa bot came to life. It was a miraculous moment; synapses and circuits were blown. Our sugar-titted tweets had caused the automated entity inspired by the Japanese manga series Dragon Ball Z to break character.

For the uninitiated, @DBZNappa, in homage to dialog from a legendary Dragon Ball Z episode, is programmed to respond to mentions of “over 9000” or “over nine thousand” on Twitter with the obligatory reply: “WHAT, NINE THOUSAND?!” However, when SG was iron trolling his ass, he responded with an “I love you girls.”

Seizing the opportunity, we asked the temporarily lucid autoresponder if we could honor his master with an SG membership. Thus we tracked down DBZNappa’s elusive Dr. Frankenstein, Daniel Lo Nigro from Melbourne, Australia. We had oodles of questions for him – well over 9000. Here he answers just 15 of them:

SuicideGirls: What’s your favorite episode of DBZ?

Daniel Lo Nigro: To be honest, I didn’t really watch a lot of DBZ. I used to watch it but not really pay attention (I’d have it on TV in the background, while doing other things). Obviously, the “Over 9000” episode segment is a favorite of mine 😛

SG: What inspired you to code the bot?

DLN: Some of my friends had a habit of saying “Over nine thousand” a lot, and so I started replying with “What? Nine thousand?” (Yeah, I was a bit lame.) They suggested creating a Twitter bot to do the same thing. I loved the idea and started working on it right away. I didn’t think that it’d get as popular as it did!

SG: What did you study? What do you do now to pay the rent?

DLN: I studied software development at university. I graduated last year and I’ve been working full-time as a web developer since then.

SG: How long have you been coding?

DLN: I’ve been coding since I was 8 or 9 years old. Even before then, I had an interest in computers and computer games. My uncle introduced me to computer programming and showed me how to do a few things on the computer. Together we made a little Tamagotchi game (much like the handheld Tamagotchi) and my interest for programming grew from there. I was mainly self-taught and “learnt by doing” (that is, giving myself projects to learn new things). When I got an internet connection for the first time (dialup!), I spent ages browsing the internet. It was amazing. I was interested in how web pages were made, so I got a copy of FrontPage and messed around with it. I started to realize that I really liked creating websites, and decided to focus on web programming. At high school I met other people with similar interests, and spent more time learning about programming. This helped pique my interest even more.

SG: What’s your favorite language?

DLN: Definitely C#. It’s is my language of choice because it’s a very powerful, clean, clear and concise language. Microsoft’s developer tools and languages are generally very good, and they keep adding very helpful features in every new release. JavaScript is my second favorite language; in the last few years I’ve been learning it more. You need to know it well to truly appreciate it. In the end though, all programming languages are pretty similar to each other. They’re just tools that help you build awesome things, and it doesn’t matter which one you use as long as you know how to use it well 🙂

SG: Do you have any other bots on Twitter?

DLN: No. I’ve considered it, but haven’t had any good ideas

SG: Hypothetically, would you make an SG #TittySprinkles bot. And, if so, how could you see it working?

DLN: I could totally see myself doing that! I can if you like. I have no idea how it would work or what it would do though. What do you think a #TittySprinkles bot would do? Haha

SG: Chocolate or vanilla?

DLN: That’s a tough one! They’re both good. I think a mix of both is best – then you get the best of both worlds 🙂

SG: What other anime do you watch?

DLN: I don’t really watch anime any more. I used to watch Speed Racer, Cowboy Bebop, Naruto, Death Note, Bleach, and Inu Yasha. I’m sure there’s others that I can’t remember at the moment though, haha.

SG: Do you have a favorite SG?

DLN: I only got a subscription recently and haven’t had a chance to explore much yet. Having said that, Quinne is definitely one of my favorites. I think she’s really cute (but most Suicide Girls are). There’s just something about her that makes me like her. Bob is one of my favorites as well 🙂

SG: How much time do you spend on Twitter?

DLN: I used to spend a long time on Twitter, but nowhere near as much any more. I use it mainly when commuting to work since I catch public transport.

SG: Would do you follow and why?

DLN: Being a developer, the people I follow are mainly web developers and people that are very influential in the web development industry, mainly for inspiration and to learn about new development techniques and resources. I also use Twitter as a way to get news quickly, as stuff pops up on Twitter quicker than it does on news sites. Of course, I also use it to keep up-to-date with what my friends are doing. And @SuicideGirls of course!

SG: Any other bots you admire?

DLN: I love @CapsCop. It replies to people that tweet entirely in uppercase. @KingLeonidaz_ is somewhat similar to DBZNappa. There was also @AnnoyingNavi – but it’s been suspended by Twitter. Twitter don’t seem to like auto-reply bots and a lot of them end up suspended by Twitter. Not too sure how @DBZNappa has survived. I guess I’m just lucky?

SG: How would you improve Twitter?

DLN: Honestly, I don’t know. I think it’s pretty good as it is now.

SG: What else are you working on now?

DLN: No personal projects at the moment. I used to work on random projects (half of which I’d never finish), but recently I haven’t had much time or many good ideas. So now I’m just doing my day job 🙂

If readers have questions about @DBZNappa, Daniel will be happy to answer them in the blog comments below. For more from Daniel, read his blog and follow @Daniel15.

by Joanne Stocker, Kenneth Lipp and Dustin Slaughter

The baseball field behind Egbert Middle School is pitch black as our journalist team, led by Liam (who prefers his last name not be used), a Staten Island resident who swam flood waters to rescue neighbors as the nearby ocean swallowed his community, walk down an unlit street strewn with the detritus of Hurricane Sandy’s watery rage. Liam wants to show us what the neighborhood has been abuzz over: the site of what was a makeshift morgue, in the hopes that we might challenge what many here in Midland Beach see as an official orchestrated attempt to downplay Sandy’s death toll.

Midland Beach, a tight-knit working class neighborhood on the Island, has largely been washed away. What remains are uninhabitable homes and harsh utility floodlights that pierce the inky darkness to discourage looters, as unmarked police cars patrol the shells of former neighborhoods.

It is the closest to Hell any of us have ever been.

“It was in here,” he says as he beckons us to enter.

Taking just a few steps yields the stench of death. Like this smell, the truth of what happened here isn’t easily dismissed.

As with any story that spreads through a tight-knit community, especially in a disaster, there are inconsistencies and friends-of-friends third and fourth-hand accounts to rely on. Some say the flood victims, which rumor has it are to be found within the school, broke into the premises to seek shelter from the rising waters or the cold, only to meet with tragedy. Others claim that the bodies were found elsewhere and the school was used because the nearby Staten Island University Hospital’s morgue, with a capacity of no more than 50, could not handle the intake.

Rumors are natural, but this isn’t sensational gossip.

Earlier in the day, a New York City Housing Authority administrator [name withheld] at the South Beach housing development told us how her friend, a nurse, had been relocated to Midland after her hospital in Manhattan was evacuated. When we inquired specifically about the rumored school-cum-morgues, she said she could confirm that the school had been used as a morgue, and that the actual death toll was much higher. When we tracked down her friend, the nurse, she declined our request for comment. The NYC Housing Authority administrator later recanted her assertion over the phone, after telling us she had gone out to dinner with Staten Island Borough President James Molinaro, and that she now accepted the official death toll of 18. However, the rumor was subsequently corroborated by an Egbert Middle School teacher, who wishes to remain anonymous. When questioned by us, she confirmed that the school wouldn’t open Monday morning because it was being used as a temporary morgue.

A sanitation worker and Staten Island local, holding his hands to his head in horror upon seeing the destruction on Cedar Grove Avenue for the first time, repeated again and again, “They’re lying,” – he was referring to the death toll. He told us of another New York Department of Sanitation employee, only 22 years old, who was part of a crew that “lifted 50 bodies into a front-end loader” in the Midland neighborhood just a day earlier. Workers from the Sanitation Department were a constant sight as they helped residents clean up debris.

The morgue rumor becomes even more disturbing when one takes into account the behavior of local press, such as the Staten Island Advance. In an early report, the Advance mentions a temporary morgue site off of Bedford and Mason Avenues – Egbert Middle School’s location – yet later Sandy reports in the paper make no mention of this. The Advance offered no retraction, but the makeshift morgue item was there…

And then vanished without explanation.

Contrast the reliable testimonies of Midland Beach residents with the strange behavior of the local press and adamant denials from local officials [see official statement] and one begins to see a narrative emerge: Regardless of whether Egbert Middle School was or is still being used as a makeshift morgue, the death toll in this forgotten borough that is a casualty of political expediency is likely much higher than officials would like the public to know.

We return the following day to volunteer where needed and talk to the people who call Midland Beach their home. It is the day of what was to be the 2012 New York Marathon.

“This is all Staten Island is to them – a starting line and a dump,” Chris Rich, a Staten Island firefighter tells us as he cleans up debris and mud from his gutted house. Throughout his neighborhood today, New York City marathon runners prance through decimated streets, leaping over piles of donations yet to be distributed, bringing severe congestion to a community just beginning to regain its senses after the catastrophe. To place it in even sharper relief, according to Rich, it was only that very morning that authorities had gotten around to removing three bodies floating in Bay Street Marina. One was tied to a pier to avoid it washing down shore. The person who reported the bodies was told that they would be left for the time being as efforts were to be exclusively “rescue” oriented, eschewing “recovery.” While the Staten Islanders were, and are, still counting their dead, they felt as if they were expected to indulge catastrophe tourism.

“These aren’t Christmas lights,” Rich says, appalled by runners and the attendant onlookers taking in the destruction and pausing for photographs with shell-shocked locals. “People are looking for their wedding rings…These people should be shot,” he says, referring to the vast number of runners who arrived on the island to jog the marathon despite its cancellation.

The ultimate cancellation of the New York City Marathon on Sunday, which would have started on the Island, was an empty political gesture. Michael Bloomberg, NY’s billionaire Mayor, had fought tooth and nail to satiate corporate sponsors and have the Marathon commence on time. He was forced to cancel at the eleventh hour, not out of respect for the suffering of locals or for prudent administrative reasons, but because the public outcry over the issue forced his hand.

Time and time again, we speak to residents who are disgusted by the marathon runners, who seemingly use the Islanders’ misery as a photo opportunity. Yet his decision to return at least two generators slated for use during the marathon to New Jersey once the event was canceled was the last straw for Rich. It is widely reported that these generators could have powered 400 homes – something Staten Islanders desperately need. Already their walls and floors are spawning mold and creating hazardous conditions that will likely render their homes permanently uninhabitable.

It is a cruel sort of political maneuvering. Residents in and around Midland Beach are left to fend for themselves as the Red Cross – as of last weekend – were still rejecting volunteers. Meanwhile FEMA was merely handing out business cards on Friday as they distributed food that could barely nourish families of two or more. We would later learn that fully-furnished, non-toxic FEMA trailers – at the time of this article’s publication – sit less than two hours away in a Wilkes Barre, PA lot.

One local nurse, employed by Columbia University, was denied an opportunity to volunteer by the Red Cross, ostensibly because she, an educated professional, could pose an insurance liability. “People are going to die out there tonight,” she said. When she tried to drive supplies over the Verrazano bridge, she was ID’d and then denied entry.

There is more, however, that sheds light on Bloomberg’s disconnected and cruel countenance upon those in whom he does not see a personal economic or political interest. A borough firefighter who prefers to remain nameless relates the story of how two nights ago the mayor personally ordered police at the 122 Precinct to either arrest or otherwise disperse volunteers who refused to cease relief efforts on Father Capodanno Boulevard, which runs close to the Lower Bay and was slammed by Hurricane Sandy. We ask him what he thinks the mayor’s motive is for doing so: “They [Bloomberg and his administration] didn’t want cameras coming down here and seeing people helping people, they wanted it to look like FEMA or the Red Cross was helping. The fact of the matter is, it’s not. Down here, it’s people helping people,” he says.

The 122 Precinct commander refused to obey Bloomberg’s order, instead ushering people off of the street and into a parking lot, away from any network news cameras. The consistent answer from Staten Islanders to Bloomberg’s misprision was a defiant self-sufficiency and tirelessly persistent community-mindedness.

It was clear that the only ones willing to be responsible for helping Staten Island would be its inhabitants. Local groups such as the Hallowed Sons, a collective of former firefighters and police officers, were seen on Cedar Grove Avenue, in the nearby town New Dorp, giving out hot meals. They were also organizing roving bands of teenagers, who, armed with dust masks and shovels, were helping gut uninhabitable basements and garages.

In Midland Beach, we come across Kelly, who arrived from Boston with a raft and shovels to help his uncle Mike save his home. After just four days, the garage was beginning to mold. Mike’s wheelchair-bound neighbor had died in the flood, despite the best efforts of those trying to rescue him. One of Mike’s daughters was out delivering supplies to others who, in their words, had it much worse.

Kelly offers to put us up for the night. “We have a generator and heat,” he says, as the men pass beer around. Their hospitality and determination is characteristic of Island residents. “Come back in a year, you’ll see a new house!”

Images: Dustin Slaughter, Kenneth Lipp, Joanne Stocker, Joe Fionda and Lex Hortensia

by Nahp

A column which highlights Suicide Girls and their fave groups.

This week Danette tells us why she loves to go Vegan.

Members: 1,068 / Comments: 10,638

WHY DO YOU LOVE IT?: For everyone of us being vegan is more than just a diet. Here we share tips about food, lifestyle, animals, and some silly stuff we like share with others.

DISCUSSION TIP: Don’t compare veganism to religion.

MOST HEATED DISCUSSION THREAD: There isn’t heated thread!! This is a group full of creativity, and everyone loves that!

BEST RANDOM QUOTE: “We do not need to eat animals, wear animals, or use animals for entertainment purposes, and our only defense of these uses is our pleasure, amusement, and convenience.”

WHO’S WELCOME TO JOIN?: Everyone who’s interested in anti-cruelty, curious people, and those who are interested in starting a new meat-free life are welcome to join.

[..]

Glitch Suicide in Sentimental Tune

• INTO: Zombies, freaks, glasses, girls, art, aromatherapy, anime, geekiness, corsets, vampires, vintage, horror, anarchism, nature, baths, cult flicks, comics, burlesque, calligraphy, bubble tea, cemeteries, Yerba Mate tea, supporting local business, kissing, almond milk, lotions & potions, feminism, diversity, sci-fi, mannequin body parts, flea markets. Books, different perspectives, conspiracy theories, awkwardness, bitter comedians, kinky porn, atheism, questions, revolution, action, science, thought patterns.
• NOT INTO: Conservatives, racism, misogyny, fake breasts, war, animal cruelty, materialism, people who are afraid to be themselves, repression, meat, religion.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Sci fi, weed, space, blood, boobies, kitties, robots, tea, cartoons, pretty ladies, drugs, bikes.
• HOBBIES: Painting, bike cruising, dancing, walking, traveling, going to shows, making out, .applying makeup, philosophizing, writing, being kinky, drinking tea, fantasizing..
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Sex, eyeliner, sneakers, hair dye, fruit, and lip balm!
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Cuddling kitties, walking, reading, rocking out, having sex, exploring my body, conversing, dreaming, cooking, watching movies.

Get to know Glitch better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by Darrah de jour

Rachel Uchitel is famous for being infamous. She starred on Dr. Drew’s riotous reality show Celebrity Rehab, on which she spoke candidly about her destructive tendencies as a love addict with a proclivity toward various pills. In the past, she worked as Director of VIP Operations at Las Vegas’s hottest night club Tao. There, she caroused with the ultra-rich and mega-famous. Among her indiscretions were affairs with two elite married men: golf phenom Tiger Woods and Bones star David Boreanaz.

Before Uchitel’s name rocked headlines and Elin Woods’ marriage, Rachel lost the two most important men in her life. Her fiancé died at the hands of terrorists in the 9/11 attacks, and her father died of a cocaine overdose when Uchitel was just fifteen.

She’s been a media favorite. And by that, we mean, she’s a tabloid celebrity that people love to denigrate. A peek at some of the comment boards below any story about Uchitel reveal the general public’s scapegoating of the “other woman” as a bewitching siren that should carry the cross and absolve the cheating man of all responsibility.

Case in point, while Joy Behar of The View was busy apologizing for calling Uchitel a “hooker” on-air, newspapers around the country were swinging wildly in defense of Woods, with headlines like “Tiger Doesn’t Owe Us An Explanation.” In an exclusive interview, we asked Rachel about surviving that double standard, how her reincarnation as a wife and mother has changed her, and if Dr. Drew really is the rehab king.

Darrah de jour: Congratulations on your daughter, Wyatt. How has motherhood changed you?

Rachel Uchitel: Motherhood has changed everything about me. First and foremost, you find that you become all about somebody else. People talk about unconditional love. It’s the first time I’d really experienced that and really knew what that meant. I put her before me in every circumstance. I’ve never truly felt like that before. I’ve never loved anything as much. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I just feel so lucky. I can’t believe that I waited this long to have a child. Had I known what it was like to have a kid of my own, I absolutely would have tried to have a child earlier in my life. Now, I’m thirty-seven years old and I want so many more! I don’t have all the years ahead of me to just pop out kids when I want. I just love being a mother.

Ddj: How was your pregnancy?

RU: I tried to be really healthy during my pregnancy. I worked out almost every day, doing Pilates and water aerobics. I did Zumba up until my eighth month. A lot of walking. Walking is prevalent here in San Francisco, so I did a lot of that. I didn’t have any weird cravings or overindulgent cravings, so it wasn’t difficult for me to not over-consume.

Ddj: You’re always pretty much in shape. You have a great figure.

RU: I try to. Again, I’m thirty-seven years old and I’ve always lived in a world where I’m competing with girls that are twenty-three in some way, shape or form. Living in Las Vegas when I ran night clubs, I was always the only girl there that wasn’t half-naked. Most girls there are waitresses or dancers or whatever, and as a female you always want to look your best. I felt like I had to stack up against these gorgeous, fit young girls. So I was always conscious of trying to hit the gym as much as I could because I had a decade gap between me and them. And it always kept me trying to be better than I would, because I had them to look up to. The girls in Vegas have a high standard for fitness and looking good.

Ddj: Speaking of that, it was reported in 2010 that you were going to pose for Playboy. Is that still in the works?

RU: No. I was in talks with Playboy to do a shoot with them. I’m not in talks to work with them anymore. I was honored that we were even in talks. A lot of people have different things to say about Playboy, and the girls that are in Playboy, but listen — as a girl that’s being offered to be in Playboy, it’s definitely an honor. Whatever anybody else says about the person and the choice that they make about doing it, I felt very honored. At one point we did have a signed contract and I did back out, actually, last minute.

Ddj: I noticed online that you applied for a detective license. I joke with my friends that women are more intuitive and conscientious at detective work than the CIA. Are you still pursuing that or are you trying your hand at another career choice?

RU: I’m in a tough predicament. I’m right in the middle of it as you and I are speaking. In the last week, I’ve been having a kind of crisis about this. I love to work. I have a strong work ethic. I’ve had a lot of amazing jobs that people may or may not know about me. I used to be a television producer for Bloomberg News for many years. Loved my job, I was really good at it, loved the news and I’m a hard worker. I love to be challenged in that way. Now that I’m five-months into being a mother, I do want to go to work in some way. I want to have a hobby, and a steady income coming in, so I can contribute to the household. It’s very difficult for me to get a normal job because my name proceeds me still. I have no desire to go work in a night club anymore. I’d love to go back into what I was doing, which was news. Local news. I’m not interested in entertainment news, quite honestly. My favorite shows are on HLN: Jane Velez-Mitchell or Nancy Grace. I’d love to be a producer; I mean, I’m not talking about on-air. I love writing for that, I love researching stories. You need somebody that believes in you and gives you a chance, and overlooks stuff that they may or may not know about you.

Ddj: You starred on Season 4 of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. He reportedly paid you a personal visit to convince you to join the cast. What made you decide to allow cameras in on your recovery experience?

RU: That’s actually not true. I requested that. I didn’t believe in the Celebrity Rehab brand. I thought it was just a TV show. I said no for a good two weeks about being on the show. Finally, I said, ‘Listen if Dr. Drew and John Irwin [Executive Producer of Celebrity Rehab] will come meet me for a few minutes, then I’ll make a decision based on that.’ They both came. It was very odd. The second I sat down and looked at Dr. Drew I was in tears and I knew he could help me. I wanted someone to hear me and understand me. I immediately felt that with him. He had me at that meeting. I wanted to be in his presence and have him heal me, so to speak. I was so lonely and miserable.

Ddj: Dr. Drew seems to take on the role of doctor, father figure and friend to his patients on the show. What do you think makes Dr. Drew so effective in relating with his patients?

RU: I think that underneath everything he’s a little bit of a co-dependent. It’s such a great quality that he has. When he looks at you, he looks at you. He sees you and he hears you. That’s such an amazing quality for someone that’s so well known and so busy and someone that everyone wants a piece of. So when that type of person looks at you and hears you and wants to help you, that is a very attractive quality. He’s a genuine guy. I’ve seen people give him a hard time. [They say] you’re just a TV doctor, you’re not a real doctor. They’ve never been in his presence and they’ve never been treated by him. After the show, he treated me for almost half a year later until I moved away — that’s the only reason it stopped. He would come and meet me for an hour to two hours once a week, on his own time, without getting paid. Recently, I had a friend whose mother was struggling with food addiction. He took the time to write a long email about the different hospitals that would take inpatient treatment, how serious it was, and long story short, her mother went to one of these places and was there for two months.

Ddj: One part of Celebrity Rehab that is controversial is that Dr. Drew brings in people that are active in their addictions and he gets them on film. Do you think that the reality show aspect of Celebrity Rehab is a conflict of interest to the sanctity of the recovery process?

RU: No. Let me explain something to you. Whatever it takes an addict to get help is what it takes…My addiction wasn’t life threatening. It wasn’t like I was doing meth on the street corner, and was about to die. So, forget me for a second. But, some of the cast members on shows like this are serious heroin addicts, meth addicts, alcoholics, whatever their choice may be. Yes, they’re being paid, yes they’re hoping their career will be resurrected, but you can’t help but deal with your problems when you’re there. Yes, there’s cameras in your face, yes there are cameras in every corner of the room, yes, I think some people tend to overreact or act out in front of the camera… but at the end of the day, there’s no denying the help that you get when you’re there. I can attest to the seven people that were there with me, that the moment we left, we were all in amazing places. Those people who had suffered for so long — at that moment, were, what I would call healed. They were off drugs for thirty days, they were happy to be with friends, they were clean, they were sober, they had all of the tools they needed.

There’s a backlash because of a couple people who have died that have been on the show. It only brings to light those people and their addictions because they’d been on the show. They’re addicts! It’s not Dr. Drew’s responsibility to take the drug out of their hand once they leave treatment. I don’t understand why people say that they’re being exploited. The chance they got by being on Celebrity Rehab was a chance to save their life. They chose to take that chance.

Ddj: You’ve been involved in two high profile relationships with married men. Without asking you to recount any personal details, I wonder if you feel that our society places the burden on the “other woman” more so than the cheating man in those types of relationships?

[Writer’s Note: Rachel Uchitel would not comment on any questions related to Tiger Woods. She admitted that she had a relationship with David Boreanaz when he was married and has had relationships with married men. None of her answers reflect her experience with Woods.]

RU: My opinion on that is… Listen, it’s a very touchy subject for people. Adultery and cheating. It’s no fun to be the other woman, that’s for sure. And I’m not even talking about in celebrity status, I’m talking about in everyday life. It happens a lot in everyday life with everyday people. You don’t have to be on the cover of a newspaper to be in some scandal. It’s tough because I feel like the man does not take any responsibility. Let’s remember, for the most part, the man is the one making it OK in some way. I don’t know about other people’s situation, but in my situation with David. He was very clear to make it OK and to say that he did not have a relationship with his wife. And I chose to believe that. Now, I’m a smart girl. I didn’t necessarily believe that that was the truth and I also didn’t want to push it and ask any questions because I was happy in the situation I was in with him. I spent a lot of time with him, traveled with him. If he wasn’t somebody that was in the newspaper, I would have assumed that I was in a monogamous relationship with him because I don’t know how he would have time to go home and be with someone else. So I let it go. I believed what he was saying. And that’s a very stupid, very ignorant thing for me to have done. But I didn’t want to know the alternative.

Ddj: Denial is a really powerful thing. Were you in love with him?

RU: I thought I was. And I thought he was with me… I do think that sometimes [an affair] will rip your marriage apart and sometimes it strengthens your resolve and who you want to be with and what you want to do… The girl comes out as a home wrecker and a slut and a whore, and that was definitely not my relationship with him.

Ddj: There’s a general forgiveness with regard to the man. I’m not trying to pin boys against girls, but it’s like, “Maybe she seduced him, he was overcome…”

RU: The woman is always the temptress, the seductress, the person that lures the man into this awful thing and the man is helpless and weak in the knees and can be forgiven. That’s the way that I see it and read it when it’s written about anyone. The other woman is made out to be this cartoon character of the most threatening, seductive woman you can imagine who would steal your husband or your boyfriend away. And that’s sometimes not the case. Sometimes the husband just isn’t getting what he needs. Regardless of if it’s at home or not. Sometimes it’s an issue within the man himself and he finds it in other ways, shapes or forms and unfortunately sometimes that’s by cheating on his wife. It doesn’t really matter half the time what the woman looks like; it’s the connection and the chemistry and quite honestly it’s how she makes him feel that for some reason, he’s not feeling like that.

Ddj: I’m not sure if you’ve read the book Love Junkie by Rachel Resnick. It chronicles the tumultuous relationships had between the narrator and her sex-addicted partners. As a love addict, prior to treatment, were you attracted to sex addicts?

RU: Yes and no. I don’t really look at it that way. A sex addict to me is very different from a love addict. A sex addict has no connection with the person they’re having sex with, and for a love addict, it’s all about that emotional connection. And leaning on that person. For me, it’s two totally separate issues. I have been with people that were also love addicts. The people that I’ve been with are mostly addicted to that connection, that you’re codependent on each other.

Ddj: Sometimes a love addict is attracted to an aloof, unavailable person and they’re trying to extract emotion out of them. And the sex addict needs that person to be dependent on them and shuts them out. But, that wasn’t your experience?

RU: No. My definition of a love addict is that I mistook intensity for intimacy. So all this up and down and craziness and crazy things happening, that to me was mistaken for love. Another love addict also being crazy up and down with me and professing our love to each other and ignoring red flags and saying ‘This is the best person I’ve ever been with!’ Somebody that’s obsessed with the notion of being in love and you kind of forget who you’re in a relationship with. It doesn’t even matter. You’re just going on this whirlwind love fest. You could replace that person with anybody. Doesn’t matter who. Just as long as there’s somebody filling the seat.

Ddj: How have your relationships changed since getting treatment for love addiction?

RU: I attribute being on Celebrity Rehab for meeting my husband. Matt is somebody I would never have chosen to be with before. I always looked for people who had red flags that he doesn’t have. He’s a man with totally different qualities than anyone I’ve been with before and a different demeanor. Those are the reasons why we’re in a happy, productive marriage. Dr. Drew used to say I had a ‘bad picker’. He says, he adjusted my picker, so I could pick the right one. He also said not to date anybody for six months after rehab and to be careful who I jump into a relationship with and beware of the red flags and go slow. The first thing that I dropped was a type. I stopped saying, ‘This is who I want to be with, this is who I’m looking for.’ I let it happen with who it happened with. Matt is ten years younger than me. I’ve never dated somebody younger. But, I gave him a chance, and I’m very lucky I did.

Ddj: How did you meet your husband, Matt Hahn?

RU: We met on Facebook. He saw an episode of Celebrity Rehab and thought I was funny and I was friends of a friend of his. He sent me an email saying I made him laugh and he thought I seemed like a genuine person and he’d love to take me out for coffee.

Ddj: You must get letters like that a lot. What set his apart?

RU: I’m not sure. Normally I don’t go on Facebook. I looked at his pictures and most of them were him with his sister and his brothers — as opposed to the typical douche bags popping bottles of champagne over half-naked girls. Those were the guys I was used to going out with! Not that there’s anything wrong with those guys, but that’s who I’d ended up with before. Matt looked like a nice, normal guy. We started talking, and that was that.

Ddj: I’m so sorry about your fiancé losing his life on 9/11. What was the number one thing that worked as a salve in your grieving process?

RU: You can never get over something like that. It was such a horrific thing. Time definitely heals. Every year was a different level of healing. Ten years ago my healing was a lot different than two years ago. I thought that I was done and was over it and had closure many years ago, but I didn’t. When I went on the show with Dr. Drew, he came to New York with me and we put a letter into the water and I did something physically to have closure. On our anniversary, I went to Ground Zero and said my goodbye and that was it for me. It was a culmination of many things over the years and learning from the experience and my behavior and the loss. I had to stop living in the what-if. May 4th would pass and I would say ‘This is the date I was supposed to marry Andy.’ I was missing out on my own present by not being in the moment. That was the biggest lesson that I learned over time. Bottom line is it’s over — he’s not coming back. I had to stop dwelling in the pain surrounding that and grow from it.

Ddj: You gave an interview to Page Six, where you said, “My mother was never around; I was raised by housekeepers. I’ve basically been alone my entire life. I was put in the right settings, but I never had someone teaching me.” Do you feel like you’ve finally gained independence and wholeness as a woman?

RU: I’ve always been independent, I can say that. But I always felt alone. I can be in a room full of people and feel alone. It’s something that I suffer from. Because I didn’t grow up with a family. My whole goal in life was to have my own family, and now I have that. I have my own daughter, I have a husband. I do work on trying to remind myself that I can let people in.

Ddj: Do you stay in touch with Janice Dickinson, Leif Garrett or any of the other stars you were in rehab with?

RU: I was just in LA and Jeremy London and Leif came over. I don’t talk to Eric Roberts that much, but I talk to his wife. His son, who he was reunited with on the show, I’m a big fan of his work. I go to Keaton’s concerts a lot when Keaton comes to town. After I had my baby, I called Janice to let her know and to bury the hatchet because we had some problems on the show.

Ddj: You entered into Celebrity Rehab with an addiction to pharmaceuticals. Is that still something you struggle with?

RU: I was on anti-depressants then, and I was taking a lot of Ambien and Klonopin and Xanax and I haven’t taken one pill since I left Celebrity Rehab.

Darrah is a freelance journalist and consultant, with a focus on sensuality, environmentalism, and fearless women in the media. She appears as a “Woman on the Street” on The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet and has contributed to The Conversation website. Her lifestyle writing and celebrity interviews have appeared in Marie Claire, Esquire and W, among others. She contributes author and filmmaker interviews to The Rumpus, Hollywood Today. Her dating confessions have appeared in GirlieGirl Army and xoJane. Darrah’s “Red, White and Femme” columns for SuicideGirls takes a fresh look at females in America – investigating issues like gender, bisexuality, sex work, motherhood and more. Darrah lives in LA with her doggie Oscar Wilde. Her passions include youth mentorship, horses, painting and singing. Subscribe to her blog at Darrahdejour.com/, and friend her on Facebook.

[..]

by Sandor Stern

Dear Republican Friends,

Regarding the Presidential Election…

I’m sure you are feeling depressed over your candidate’s defeat. I don’t mean to gloat but I must confess I am deliriously happy. There are so many reasons for my joy.

Obama’s election means that in 2014 the Affordable Care Act will fully kick in and allow the USA to join the rest of the world’s more developed nations in offering a national health plan. This is not to say that the ACA represents the best plan this nation can offer but it is a major step towards universal health care.

It means that Medicare will not be gutted by a voucher system designed to do just that. The problems of Medicare will be addressed in a responsible way.

It means that the problems with Social Security will be handled without privatizing.

It means that Roe vs Wade will not be overturned and the government will stay out of every woman’s uterus, every couple’s bedroom and every person’s right to marry whomever they choose.

It means that women will not be ranked as financial second class citizens and will receive equal pay for equal work.

It means that Obama’s executive order allowing illegal immigrant children to be granted certain rights will not be overthrown and that the Dream Act will have an administration with a conscience to move it along.

It means that the elite 1% in this country will have to give up some of their enormous financial gain over the past 10 years in order to bring down the national debt.

It means that shipping American jobs to foreign countries will not give American companies tax breaks and that keeping those jobs here will be rewarded.

It means that government regulation will protect consumers from the avarice of banks, insurance companies and Wall Street.

It means that global warming will not be perceived as junk science and will be addressed as the real and dangerous problem it poses to the world.

It means that alternative forms of energy will trump oil drilling as a direction for our future.

All of these positive actions would have been impossible given your party’s published platform. I am so relieved.

On a more personal note, Obama’s reelection means that Ted Nugent will be leaving the country as he promised. As a final act of patriotism I beg him to take with him – Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity, Coulter, Rove and Trump. Given his hatred of Obamacare his final destination will be the only country remaining in the civilized world without a national health plan – Turkey. I wish him luck with his fundamentalist Christian ideology in that country.

Your friend,

Sandy

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