by SG’s Team Agony feat. Sassie
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
[Sassie in Postern]
Q: I have this problem with my boyfriend. We have been together for over a year now, but last time he was here (I’m from Norway, he lives in the US), I was texting with one of my friends from his phone when a message popped up from one of his friends. I didn’t think anything of it so I looked at it, but on that text, she told him how much she missed him, and if he was coming back from “the bitch” soon. That got me curious, so I read some of the others. It turns out they have been texting about intimate stuff between them and about what a bitch/how horrible I am for months.
I really don’t know how to handle this because I really love him. And he doesn’t seem any different around me. He is as he always has been. So I’m wondering if he is just manipulating her, or if he means it. Either way, it’s unacceptable. Any idea how I can bring this up or what I should do?
A: I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that it is unacceptable. Regardless of his intentions, this is no way for anyone to behave. But I understand this must be very confusing for you. I will never understand why someone will put so much into a relationship, for example flying all the way from the US to Norway to see a person, just to talk shit about them behind their back. It really doesn’t make any sense. Another thing that I’m perturbed about is that he let you use his phone knowing that those messages were on there? He’s not even trying to cover his ass! Either he is just not very smart when it comes to cheating, or he wanted you to find out. Maybe he wasn’t man enough to break it off himself. I really don’t know.
If this other girl that was texting him truly was just a friend, he should be defending you when she called you a bitch. But you also said they were sharing intimate details, so do you think they are involved in a sexual relationship? I know long distance relationships can be hard, and cheating is probably more prevalent in them. I’m not saying this is an excuse for him, just saying it’s common unfortunately. He doesn’t seem any different around you because he is manipulating you. He wants the best of both worlds. He is probably manipulating this other girl in some way too, and is likely deliberately using his so-called “problems” with you to bond with her. She doesn’t seem to have much respect for herself in the first place if she is knowingly the “other woman”.
I know that you love him, but I only see a few options with this one. You could confront him, see what his side of the story is, and decide if that is acceptable enough for you to forgive him. But in my honest opinion, I really don’t see how there could be any acceptable reason for any of his actions. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. It’s hard to believe, but there are actually good guys out there that don’t cheat, and that will take care of you and worship the ground that you walk on. Why settle for this jerk? I say let him know that you found him out and end it. I wish you luck.
Sassie!
***
Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com
