by SG’s Team Agony feat. Seizure

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over six months now. I love him, and he’s great to/for me. But he talks about marriage and spending our lives together. I know that doesn’t have to be right away, but even thinking about it gives me terrible butterflies in my stomach, and not the good kind. I’m almost 19 and I’ve never even thought about getting married, let alone at such a young age. The thing is, I can move past the marriage talk, but there’s something else in the way too. I’m enjoying every moment we spend together – the sex is good and he’s a total sweetheart who means extremely well – but I don’t see myself with him for a while. I’m not a cheater. I will remain faithful. But I can’t help flirting with other guys. It’s just in my nature to flirt. I can’t stop doing it even if I’m with someone. I really want to be with someone else sexually, but I won’t do it while I’m with my boyfriend. I guess what I’m saying is I want to have my cake and eat it too. What should I do?

A: My advice to you would be not to look too deeply in to his talks about marriage. Chances are that he’s just trying to let you know that he is serious about being with you. Maybe the fact that you are flirty with other guys is what’s making him want to let you know that he’s so serious about you. As you said, you are still young and so many people get in to relationships too early.

Honestly, if you are flirting with other guys and feel like you want to be with other guys sexually, the fact that you are questioning yourself means that you know that what you are doing is (at least a little) wrong.
 You shouldn’t ‘have your cake and eat it’ unless you are in agreement with your boyfriend that you are both able to have a ‘piece of the cake.’
 In short, if you are going to act on your impulses to be with other guys, let him know that you don’t want to be with him. Or, let him know that you want this and suggest an open relationship. Most importantly, be honest with him and yourself.



Good luck!

Seizure

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Laurelin

I have always felt a little indifferent about Valentine’s Day. It seems cliché to hate it, stupid to love it, and all in all, just another day of the week. I don’t think I have ever had a spectacular Valentine’s Day even when I was in a relationship. In college, my boyfriend at the time told me we were supposed to go to dinner and then he wound up not being able to afford it. I was crushed. But I remember one other day, in the middle of the summer when he left a single red rose under my windshield wipers, and he hid so when I looked around the parking lot I didn’t see him until when I turned around, he was right there kissing me. It was one of the most romantic moments of my life, and it was also just another day.

A few Valentine’s days ago my boyfriend at the time and I went to a romantic dinner at a candlelit historic restaurant in Boston’s Beacon Hill district. The tables were so close together and we were both so tall that we looked like bulls in a china shop trying to be classy and quiet amidst normal sized couples. We wound up eating so much food and dessert that we couldn’t even make room for drinks afterwards, and we were both massively uncomfortable for the rest of the evening. Sexy.

I feel like Valentine’s Day is just one of those days that winds up making people feel bad, so I usually just do what I always do on every other day: hit the bars. If anyone is out at a bar in Boston on Valentine’s Day chances are they’re single. The odds of running into a guy lying about having a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day are slim to none, so I look forward every year to some guilt free bar scene action.

One year ago today I was with four single friends. One guy had just been dumped (they got back together), one had just been snubbed my by best friend and was nursing a bruised ego (he is now happily in a relationship), and then there was me and my friend Lindsay, two girls who can’t seem to be tamed. We were drinking twenty three ounce Harpoon UFO drafts and knocking back shots of Jameson when I glanced up and happened to meet eyes with a guy standing across the bar. I leaned into my friend Jay not-so-stealthily, “he’s CUTE!” I whispered, quickly looking away, my cheeks burning.

Not two seconds later I had a shot of Patron placed in front of me, and the bartender gestured towards that guy across the bar. “It’s on him,” the bartender said. I looked up and the guy was holding a shot as well, and I knew that there was no turning back now, I had to rip this shot and act like tequila didn’t make me throw up in my mouth. Turning down salt and lime, I got the shot down the hatch and stood up to go say thanks. I flashed my best smile and held out my hand, and I met Dan.

I remember leaving the bar that night with a smile stuck to my face. Who goes to a bar and meets a guy on Valentine’s Day? It was perfect, so sappy, so lame, and oh my god, why couldn’t I stop smiling? That night was the start of something that wound up being silly, tumultuous, fun and pretty important. Dan has become a staple in my life, someone I call when I need advice, need a drinking partner, need a pep talk on getting over an ex. We just got back from an 11 day cruise with a few other friends, and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in crime with whom to spend that time in paradise with. Looking back one year later I can’t help but still have a smile stuck on my face.

It’s funny, how life works out. I always thought that Valentine’s Day was just another day, and it is — but you never know when life is going to hand you someone special — and as always, extra points when that someone special is holding a shot of tequila with your name on it.

[..]

by SG’s Contributors & Team Agony

Valentine’s Day isn’t a bed of roses for everyone – especially those who are single. Here, the SG Blog’s brain trust share their strategies for surviving the Hallmark Day devoted to lovers.

1. Two words. Ben & Jerry’s. – Sash Suicide

2. Chocolate, booze and drugs. – SnakePlissken

3. Make yourself a fuck-ton of cookies, and eat ’em all. (Or send me some!) – Lyxzen Suicide

4. Make heart shaped pancakes. Tearing them in half and eating them is delicious, barbaric, and therapeutic. Cover them with strawberry syrup so they look bloody. – Laurelin SG

5. Send yourself flowers or treat yourself to something nice. – Rambo Suicide

6. Do something nice for yourself, and remember that Valentine’s Day means we’re halfway through the last full month of winter. Fuck winter and all of its frosty bullshit! – Perdita Suicide

7. Call in lovesick from work, and indulge in a little erotica. – Atlea Suicide

8. Buy a sex toy and get down with yourself 😉 – Rambo Suicide

9. Stock up on whiskey and batteries. – Sassie Suicide

10. Strip clubs and liquor works for me. I hear there’s a strip club in Iowa where you can bring your own beer. I’m very excited about this. – Justin Beckner

11. Put on your favorite lingerie because it makes YOU feel sexy, treat yourself to a heart-shaped box of quality chocolates, and watch something that reminds you that being single/alone on Valentine’s Day is better than being married to an axe murderer – The Shining, for example. – Clio Suicide

12. Do not watch rom-coms. I repeat it: don’t watch rom-coms. You don’t want to do it. All those movies have happy endings, and a happy ending now can lead to never ending tears or immense anger. Don’t do it. – Dalila Suicide

13. Grab some popcorn and watch horror movies where the cute couples come to a sticky end (ie. The Devil’s Rejects). – Aadie Suicide

14. Take an overnight trip somewhere and treat yourself well, and pretend Valentine’s Day isn’t happening. – RIn Suicide

15. Hide under a rock. – Nicole Powers

16. Move back and forth across the international dateline to avoid it. – Zach Roberts

17. Take over the world, and declare an end to Valentine’s Day. – Elea Suicide

18. Try to get abducted by aliens. Maybe the dating scene is better on Mars. – Aadie Suicide

19. Move to Ethiopia – they’ve never heard of it there (source). Of course they’ve probably never heard of Jersey Shore either, so it’s a mixed bag. – Zach Roberts

20. Whatever you do, don’t move to Japan because they have two Valentine’s Days there! On February 14, girls give boys chocolate, and on March 14, boys who’ve received chocolate from girls have to give some back. – Brad Warner

21. Go out dancing at a club that plays house music. Holidays don’t exist for those maniacs. – Laurelin SG

22. Avoid social networks. Everyone has in their contact list someone who is madly in love and will post some cheesy glittery Valentine pic together with an annoying “I WUV UUUU” message. Ok, Linkedin is a exception. You’re allowed to go there. – Dalila Suicide

23. Troll the happy couples. Go out for a romantic dinner by yourself. Every time you hear a couple near by getting intensely mushy, rudely interrupt them. Start with simple things like: “Can I use your salt?” Then raise the stakes. – A.J. Focht

24. Throw a Valentine’s Day Massacre party. Dress up as your favorite mobster, police officer, or flapper, fill your bathtub (and Tommy water gun) with gin and put on some movies that feature it like The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre and Some Like It Hot. – Bob Suicide

25. Make a date with your single friends. Have everyone bring photos of their ex lovers. Have a nice BBQ and burn them! – Dorsal Suicide

26. Invite one (or ten!) of your other single buddies over for an XBox showdown, game night shenanigans (I recommend Catchphrase, Apples to Apples, or the Seinfeld version of Clue), or, if you’re artsy-fartsy like me, host a craft night! – Lyxzen Suicide

27. Host a spin the bottle party. – Rin Suicide

28. Invite the hottest single friends you know…and have an anti-Valentine orgy. Way cheaper than springing for flowers, chocolate, and dinner and everyone gets off (please practice safe sex). And the photos of the night for sure won’t bore your friends. – Steve Altman

29. Get a job at Hallmark and fuck with every V-Day card, substituting “love” for “douche” thus causing breakups and general emotional upset world wide. Misery loves Hallmark. – Darrah de jour

30. Carry a sharpie with you at all times and doodle a broken line on hearts everywhere you go. – Atlea Suicide

31. Pop Valentine’s Day balloons. – Rambo Suicide

32. Play Call Of Duty: Black Ops all day and shoot virtual people until you feel better. – Elea Suicide

33. Read the work of great philosophers, Arthur Schopenhauer for example. And no, it’s not boring. Schopenhauer believed that love and sexual impulse merely serves the will of life in its effort to perpetuate itself. Meaning we’re being tricked by nature with love. But we’re over that. Falling in love is so 1760. Embrace nihilism instead of a lover. – Dalila Suicide

34. Just think of it this way: every couple out there that is spending a crap load of money on flowers, dinner, and chocolates will end up having the same sex they had the night before for free. At least you’re saving $150 by not celebrating Valentine’s Day. – Damon Martin

35. Don’t mope *too* much! Seriously, you’re not the only single lady or gent out there! – Lyxzen Suicide

36. Give your dog a bouquet of roses and a box of doggie-safe chocolates. – Darrah de jour

37. If you don’t have a dog, rescue one ¬ that way you’ll have someone to love and love you (and remember, unlike a lover, a four legged friend should always be for life!). – Nicole Powers

38. Go out somewhere you’ve never been before. Last year on Valentine’s Day I met a guy at a new bar who became of one my best friends. That is, after we finished all the tequila in the bar and made out in the street for a while. – Laurelin SG

39. I’m a huge believer in random acts of kindness. Do something for someone just ‘cause. As an added bonus, giving someone else the unexpected warm and fuzzies will make you feel that way too. – Nicole Powers

40. Remember those corny packs of Valentine cards you passed out in school? Or remember actually MAKING cards? Do that, only for your grown-up friends, parents, neighbors, mailman, etc. Who wouldn’t grin at the sight of a “I choo-choo choose you” card? It doesn’t have to be about mushy-gushy romantic junk, try just making people smile. And you know you like sealing envelopes with stickers anyways. – Lyxzen Suicide

Alternatively, you could always spend some quality time honing your dating, love, sex, and romance skills with a little help from SG’s awesome community so you can snag a partner by Steak & Blow Job Day – which is less pressure and way more fun than V-Day anyway!

XOX

Related Posts:
Love Don’t Cost A Thing: What Men Really Want On Valentine’s Day

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Rin

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: My best friend fucked my ex boyfriend the day we broke up. We weren’t really friends before he and I broke up, and a week later she tried to convince me to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. When I told her I wasn’t interested she told me that she fucked my ex. Should I be alright with it since we weren’t really friends until the next week after he and I split? Should I be mad? Because I’m fucking furious and I’m not sure if I should be mad at her, but I know I should be at him because he lied to me and told me that he was still in love with me. What should I do? And I’m aware that this doesn’t have much to do with SG, I just don’t have any girlfriends that I can talk to about this and it’s tearing me up.

A: Your friend sounds like kind of a jerk! First off, she tries to ‘convince’ you to have a threesome (instead of just asking and then accepting your answer) and when you say no, she tells you about having sex with your ex. It seems like she did it to hurt you after you turned her down, and that is never cool. Although you said you don’t have many girlfriends, perhaps you should start looking for a best friend who has more respect for you than this current one seems to! It’s worth investing in friends who treat you like gold.

As for the dude, what a total dickbag. It’s emotionally manipulative for him to say ‘I love you’ when he fucked someone else the day you broke up! That kind of behavior is so destructive and because of it he doesn’t belong in your life in any capacity.

Your anger at both of them is completely legitimate. They acted in ways that were completely hurtful! My advice to you is to allow yourself to feel anger from the situation, but then to let it go and move on. If this was just a one-time douchey move for your best friend, then it’s worth discussing with her why her actions were so hurtful to you. Really examine your relationship with her, though: girlfriends are there to support and care for us when we need it, not to have sex with our exes and throw it at us later. It might indicate a long-term pattern of disrespect and that is absolutely not what friendship is about.

Rin

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Laurelin

There are a lot of things I remember about certain people, and a lot of things I’m sure I forget. A lot of the things I remember I wish I didn’t, some things make me smile, things remind me that I’m human, that things change, people change. I remember tracing outlines, wanting my fingertips to remember every dimple, every muscle line, every tattoo. I remember smells, sounds, songs playing before I drift off to sleep, songs playing in clubs when our eyes meet across the dance floor and I can just breathe in a beat. But always with these memories, I remember that things change.

I feel like I have already lived a lifetime of change when it comes to my friend Ben. I remember the first time I ever saw him, a fleeting moment of eye contact in a filthy frat house and I thought, “who is THAT…” and he was gone, and it didn’t matter because whoever he was, this was my boyfriend’s frat house. Ben and I wouldn’t talk much that summer, but I always remembered him.

Fast-forward to a year later, long after my boyfriend and I had broken up, and I was turning 21. It was a Tuesday night, and as the lights flashed for last call at my first bar my best friend Lisa ran up to me. I was drunker than I’d ever been before, and she was smiling as she gestured towards the door.

“I found him,” she said, “for your birthday. I found him, that guy from the frat house.” And there he was, she had found him somehow, and that was the beginning. It was a fairy tale in a sense, a sorority girl in a pink lettered sweatshirt and a smirking sarcastic guy with tattoos, something that didn’t make such sense but would be all and none of the sense I knew from then on.

It seems so far off now, but all those year ago I did love him, or I thought I did. We dated, we were inseparable, we would hit a rough patch and take a break. We would fight, like really fight; screaming and crying, nights where I would just want to die if he wouldn’t speak to me again. I did things that I haven’t done since and will never do again, things I can’t even say out loud let alone type. I am the most ambitious person I know, but I remember I wrote him a letter, saying that I could lay with him forever and be happy with everything I never did. Time stood still and moved like liquid at the same time. It wasn’t right, perfect to no one else but me. Then one day, he was gone.

When I say gone, I mean gone. Years together and then just gone, disappeared, fallen off the planet. It was one year almost to the day until I heard from him again. I can’t say what happened in that year; but finally, after indescribable hurt, I was eventually healing. Everything that’s happened to me since that moment has seemed like nothing I can’t conquer, every break up since then has been tough, but almost laughable. It was the longest year of my life, and then one day, it was over. 12 months later I looked down at the glow of my flip phone and recognized his number. I should have known better than to answer it I’m sure, but the apology on the other end of the phone was really a long time coming.

Add a few more years, a lot of bad choices (meeting his father for the first time while I was drunk at work at a strip club in a naughty nurse uniform), and a few good choices (endless concerts, dancing all night, swimming at the beach by moonlight, traveling to Ireland together) and we somehow found ourselves over the worst, over the on and off dating and finally, just plain friends. I don’t know when I stopped loving him, but somewhere along the line I finally found ME, and I realized that while I had always thought there was no me without him, that wasn’t the case at all.

Ten years later he would have the perfect description of what happened to us between now and then: “You moved to Boston, you found this life, this strong personality and you stopped being that small town girl from Rhode Island, that girl who just wanted someone to love her.” Our strong personalities clash, and one afternoon a few weeks ago I made a call, and he must have recognized my number. Ten years later, after yet another year of not speaking, I’m finally looking at him from across my bar. We’re both smirking with tattoos now, and I see our life together in a blur of colors, sounds, hurt feelings, songs and traced outlines. We order a round of shots and I rest my head on his shoulder, finally with my best friend again after all this time.

“How do you guys know each other?” my friend asks, pulling up a bar stool. Ben and I look at each other.

“It’s a long story,” I say, smiling.

[..]

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Jaeci

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I started dating my best friend about a month after we got back to college. I’ve known her since last year, and I guess we’ve always had feelings for each other. After about two and a half months we broke up. It wasn’t supposed to be a permanent break, but she made it a break up. I don’t even talk to her anymore and I can’t stand seeing her. It just hurts. I tried to keep busy, and between work and school it was working, but not really anymore. I’ve tried talking to my other guy friends, but that doesn’t help much, and I don’t have many girl friends to talk to. I’m not over her. I’ve tried talking to her, but I can’t find the words I want to say when I do. I just want to be over her and move on, but still part of me wants to be with her. It’s frustrating. What do I do?

A: This kind of problem normally resolves itself with time…but not all of us are so patient. These brilliant words of wisdom are for anyone who just can’t get over an ex despite a short romantic relationship.

• 1. Find a wing (wo)man — be selective — and make some plans to go out somewhere you might encounter some moderately attractive people.
• 2A. Take a shower before you go out. Don’t trim/groom/shave everything perfectly though, it’ll a guarantee you will not get laid.
• 2B. Get yourself off before you go out. It will help you relax, I swear.
• 3. Make sure you look spiffy. Wear your second favorite underwear — wearing your hottest stuff is another guarantee no one will get in your pants.
• 4. Let your wing (wo)man remind you that there is plenty of fine tail out there (and by fine tail, I might be referring to a super stellar (wo)man who could possibly, eventually be into you if (s)he doesn’t feel negatively objectified by your sexual advances. Treat all fine tail with respect.)
• 5. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get yourself some action. Be smart and use protection — the last thing you need is something iffy going on south of the border. Do not think about your ex while you’re having sex with someone new. Do not say your ex’s name. Do not cry. Do not tell new bedmate you love him/her. Do not ask for Fruity Pebbles/Tofurkey on rye/whatever your ex’s favorite post-coital snack was.
• 6. If you stay at his/her place, remember your manners. Be a gentleman — if (s)he stays over, offer a coffee in the morning. Ladies, we can behave like gentlemen too.
• 7. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Happy rebounding 😉

Jaeci

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Darrah de jour

Lux Alptraum is the 29-year old editor of pop culture giant Gawker Media’s sister site Fleshbot — the web’s North Star of sexuality and adult entertainment. It garners 1 million uniques a month. Given that Fleshbot is edited by a woman, there’s a delectable juxtaposition of raucous imagery meets female-approved editorial. So when Alptraum says, of porn star Sarah Vandella, “[She] is so sweet and sassy that you just want to c*** all over her face,” there’s a simultaneous squirm and awe that goes on as a woman. Did a chick just say that about another chick? Yup, folks, she did. So, in an era where prostitutes have publicists, and football stars do PSA’s about a woman’s right to choose, we couldn’t help but wonder: is Lux just a pliable paper femme molded by the boy’s club she inhabits? Or, is she our new Linda Carter? Let’s get down and dirty with this Lower East Side babe and find out!

Darrah de jour: You won my heart with those doe eyes when I read 21 Questions With…in New York magazine. Plus, you like Hello Kitty. I’m in love already. What is the compliment that you receive most often from men?

Lux Alptraum: I don’t know! I’m apparently really good in bed.

Ddj: So, you’re a 20-something successful single living in NYC. What’s different about your experience versus Carrie Bradshaw’s in Sex and the City?

LA: [Laughs.] My apartment is a lot more expensive than hers is. I write more than one column a week. I don’t have anywhere near as many shoes as she does. And I live on the Lower East Side, not Uptown. I think I dress better, too. I’ve always felt more like a Samantha, as trite as that is to compare yourself to a character on Sex and the City, but I think Carrie is driven to find something serious, whereas Samantha is just looking to find something that works.

Ddj: Back in 2007, you began your blog Boinkology — the convergence of culture and sex from your unique P.O.V. You attained a great following from that. Did Gawker discover your blog and then reign you in to be editor of Fleshbot?

LA: Kind of. I showed off my writing on Boinkology, which is kind of how Gawker found me. But it was also through friends that worked there and they connected me. When they needed a fill-in, they called me in and then they kept me on.

Ddj: Did you have any hesitance before stepping on board, because of the graphic nature of what you’d be looking at each day?

LA: No. I’ve always been in adult content prior to this.

Ddj: You host the Fleshbot Awards. Tell me about that?

LA: The Fleshbot Awards are the only awards show for sexy pop culture. We’ve done it twice now and they’ve been a success each time. The awards break down into two categories: we have culture awards where we award things like sexiest movie, sexiest fashion, sexiest TV show, sexiest art. We’ve had everyone from Alan Cumming to Molly Crabapple in the culture awards. We also recognize crossover stars. Last year’s mainstream to porn one was Levi Johnston and porn to mainstream was Sasha Grey. This year, Chyna, who went from being a wrestler to being a Vivid movie star was our mainstream to porn crossover and Joanna Angel was our porn to mainstream. The award show is about recognizing people who are doing really awesome sexy stuff that promotes positive ideas about sexuality, celebrates the human body, celebrates sex. We also have really awesome performances. It’s about celebrating everybody – trans people, gay people, straight people, of all different backgrounds. It’s a one of a kind event.

Ddj: I read somewhere that you used to be a roller-derby girl. Tell me about that?

LA: I was. For three and a half years. I got involved with Gotham Girls in 2004 when they were just starting out. I didn’t know how to skate, I learned to skate to play roller derby. It was interesting too, because when I joined it was really rough and tumble and loose, and roller derby itself was very punk rock. It’s still punk rock but back then people were still figuring out what the sport was going to be. It’s gotten dramatically more athletic and more professionalized. People got rid of the silly costumes and…train hard and take it really seriously — which I think is awesome. What started off as this ‘let’s get drunk and hit each other’ type thing has become a serious sport.

Ddj: Riot Grrrl turns Lilith Fair?

LA: Yeah, yeah. More like being a garage band to getting really, really serious about your music.

Ddj: What was the name of your team?

LA: Queens of Pain.

Ddj: You wrote an amusing yet very useful guide to casual sex called, Booty Call Like A Boss. I consider it the Thomas Guide of booty calls, meets Emily Post, ahem. What is the most common and fatal mistake made by men and women when trying to ascertain a F.W.B. type relationship?

LA: Not being upfront and communicating what you want. And that’s not just about casual sex, that’s with all sorts of relationships. But, I think a lot of times, people are too scared to say what they want because ‘what if I say that and it’s not what the other person wants?’ Or they are not sure what they want or they’re worried about offending the other person. So they keep going and hoping it will work out the way they want. I’m guilty of that too. On the flip side, let’s say you want to be in a relationship and you don’t communicate that because the person has explicitly said they don’t want that and you keep going hoping it will turn into something else. Having ridiculous expectations and not communicating. You can’t hold regret. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with casual sex obviously, but there’s something wrong with having casual sex when that’s not what you really want. It’s just damaging and you’re doing yourself a disservice and setting yourself up to fail by entering into a situation where you want something completely different than what you’re communicating you want. It’s entirely possible that the person will end up being your boyfriend or girlfriend, but it’s entirely possible they won’t. I want to go on the record as saying that serious relationships can come out of casual sex. You can have sex on the first date and end up marrying them. I’m not trying to slut shame.

Ddj: In 2011, Slate published an article called “Sex is cheap: Why young men have the upper hand in bed, even when they’re failing in life.” This bold piece, written by a man, asserts that partly because of porn, “the market ‘price’ of sex is currently very low….Porn gives men additional sexual options — more supply for his elevated demand — it takes some measure of price control away from women.” What do you think about the so-called price of sex? Do women really have less power because men have more access to porn now?

LA: There are so many things that baffle me there. Number one, I don’t know why anybody would watch porn rather than have sex. The whole “price of sex” thing bothers me because it bothers me to see women set up as gatekeepers. I often feel like, in my relationships, the dudes are the gatekeepers. I have a way higher sex drive than any guy I’ve ever dated. It’s weird, this idea of women using sex to get security or stability or a relationship. Other than for reproduction, I don’t think people should use sex to achieve some larger goal. Even the idea of premarital sex. It’s only premarital sex if you intend on getting married.

Ddj: You wrote a story about Deep Throat star Linda Lovelace for The Atlantic recently. You make a comparison between Lovelace and porn star-turned-actress Sasha Grey. What do you see as the bind between the two ex-adult performers?

LA: Grey’s not been particularly enthusiastic about the adult industry since she started focusing more heavily on her mainstream career. She’s not involved with any adult industry stuff and I feel like she’s gone on the record as saying she wants to get away from porn. She’s not the adult industry boost that once she was.

Ddj: Is there a general distaste for Grey in the adult industry?

LA: I can’t speak to what other people feel, but she went on the record numerous times saying that she wasn’t going to be like Jenna Jameson and she wasn’t trying to get out of the industry and that she loves her work and then she pretty much turned her back on it. She comes across as a bit of a hypocrite.

Ddj: Two Lovelace biopics are underway, one with Amanda Seyfried and one with Lindsay Lohan’s replacement, Malin Akerman. If you had the casting powers, who would you net to play her?

LA: I think Amanda Seyfried is pretty good. I’m curious to see what happens.

Ddj: Do you consider yourself a feminist?

LA: Yeah, of course, absolutely. I think feminism is a philosophy based on the idea that gender should not be the primary consideration when you are dealing with a person.

Ddj: What’s your favorite dive bar in NYC?

LA: The Double Down Saloon on Avenue A.

Ddj: What’s the best spot to meet single men in a busy city?

LA: The Internet.

Ddj: I saw some of your food posts on Facebook. Are you veggie?

LA: I’ve been vegetarian for 22 1/2 years.

Ddj: Before we go into Flash Five, I want to get your opinion on something. We have an ongoing debate on SG Radio about texting versus calling. What would you rather get from a suitor, a text or call?

LA: A text. I don’t remember the last time I talked on the phone with somebody I was casually involved with.

Ddj: Favorite Comic Book?

LA: A Child’s Life by Phoebe Gloeckner

Ddj: Vice?

LA: Sex

Ddj: Favorite place?

LA: My bed

Ddj: Any Regrets?

LA: I try not to regret things. I try to learn from them.

Ddj: Best Advice you’ve ever received and from who?

LA: I was very sad because my ex was moving away and I said, “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” And he turned to me and said “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” Not sure if that’s advice, but they’re good words to live by.

Ddj: You’re your own hero.

LA: Yes.

[..]