by Brad Warner

Yesterday someone sent me a link to a story in the New York Times about a guy who had died when he and his wife were expelled from a Buddhist retreat.

There is so much I could comment on this story that it’s hard to know where to begin. So I’ll begin with the title. If you look at the URL for the story it’s clear that the New York Times originally titled it “Mysterious Yoga Retreat Ends in Grisly Death” and then later changed it to “Mysterious Buddhist Retreat Ends in Grisly Death.” Which goes to show you just how much the mainstream media, and by extension the mainstream public, knows about Eastern religions. You fine folks who read my posts and follow the Buddhist magazines and websites and what-not know the difference. But like nerds of all kinds, we Eastern religion nerds often forget that there’s a whole wide world of people out there for whom Yoga and Buddhism and Hare Krishna and Zorastrianism and Sufiism and all the rest appear to be just one big very weird thing. It’s really important to keep in mind that those of us who do know the differences are a tiny, itty-bitty, teeny-weenie minority. To the rest of the world our pointing out that yoga and Buddhism are two different things seems about as relevant as the Godzilla geeks I used to know arguing about whether Godzilla is actually green or not (he’s not, by the way, except that recently sometimes he is).

This is important because it’s hard for me to imagine that anyone who participated in this retreat actually knew anything about Buddhism at all beyond what they heard from its leader, one Michael Roach Geshe. I would think that even a very cursory glance at some of the beginner’s level books about Buddhism would have alerted them to the fact that something rather odd was going on here.

For starters, the retreat these folks got expelled from was supposed to last three years, three months, and three days. That’s just too gosh darned long! The early Buddhists did three month retreats during the Indian rainy season when there wasn’t much else anyone could do. This tradition is carried on in many places in the form of what Japanese Buddhists call an ango, a retreat lasting around 90 days that typically occurs in the Summer (though spring, winter and fall angos are common these days too). Three months is pretty intense and there’s a good reason Buddha never recommended doing retreats any longer than that.

While reading the story I found myself wondering just how Mr. Roach Geshe justified such an excessively long retreat. A clue can be found on their website which says, “The word ‘enlightenment’ sounds vague and mystical, but the Buddha taught that it is quite achievable by deliberately following a series of steps. The three-year retreatants have been studying and practicing the steps very seriously for the last six or more years, and by going into the laboratory of solitary retreat they hope (to) realize the final goal taught by Lord Buddha.”

So they figured that if they went at it really hard for three years they’d get enlightened. Just like Lord Buddha. Lord Buddha? I’ve run across that designation for Gautama Buddha before and it always seems like a signal that something strange is afoot. I suppose whoever made it up thought that the designation Buddha (the Awakened One) wasn’t quite grand enough and chose to borrow the word “Lord” from Christianity in order to make Gautama seem more supernatural. Whenever I come across someone who talks about “Lord Buddha” I assume they want to make the point that Gautama Buddha is, to them, a kind of god.

Again, this flies in the face of what any introductory text will tell you about Buddha. It’s another clue that the folks who participated in this retreat were the same kinds of people who don’t know any more than the New York Times does about the differences between Buddhism and yoga and whatever else falls under the umbrella heading of Eastern spirituality.

I spend a lot of time on the internets shaking sock monkeys around and poking fun at people who advance all sorts of incredibly obvious hookum as “Buddhism.” This story drives home the point that this stuff isn’t always funny. In fact it can be very serious and very, very sad.

Apparently Mr. Roach Geshe was one of a growing number of people trying to link Buddhism with so-called “prosperity theology.” This is something that first appeared in American Protestant Christianity in the 1950s and claims that the real teaching of Christ was that if you followed him you could get rich. Which flies in the face of pretty much everything Jesus is reported to have said in the Bible. But the folks who follow prosperity Christianity seem to know as little about what’s in the Bible as the people who follow prosperity Buddhism know about what Buddha taught.

I can see the appeal of prosperity theology. Look, I’m going to move to Los Angeles in a week. You best believe that if I thought I could pray my way to a higher income I’d be praying all the time! But I’m extremely skeptical of words like “prosperity” and “abundance” as they are used by middle class Westerners of the early 21st century. Compared to most of the rest of the world, we already start out with way more than we really need. Yet we still want more because our economically driven society continuously emphasizes the need to consume. If we can find some religious justification for greed we’ll grab it. It’s very attractive. I don’t think any of us are completely immune its charm. I certainly am not.

But, again, even a quick look through the most basic books about Buddhism — or, for that matter, a scan through any of the gospels — will tell you that Buddhism is definitely not compatible with prosperity theology — and neither is Christianity. Yet if these things are advanced by people who appear to be authorities, who wear the right robes and speak in the correct way, a lot of folks who really ought to know better will swallow them whole.

I’m not sure if it’s easier to dupe people into thinking any old spiritual sounding nonsense you make up is Buddhism than it is to dupe people about our more familiar religions. If people want to believe this kind of stuff they’re going to. But I feel like I’m going to have to keep pointing out that not everything that calls itself “Buddhism” has anything at all to do with Buddhism for quite a while.

Mr. Roach Geshe has posted a very long open letter on his website describing his take on what happened. Amidst a lot of ass-covering language there emerges a description of a retreat that was really far too intense for any of its members. Silent retreats with small groups of people often cause those among the group who may already have psychological difficulties to experience those difficulties even more intensely than they might experience them in a more “normal” setting. Of course people go off in the midst of straight society all the time. But there’s nothing like an intense spiritual retreat to really bring these things to the surface. The more intense the practice, the more likely it’s going to cause someone’s psyche to crash and burn.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, when you’re getting into meditation practice you’re dealing with some serious mojo, this is not to be taken lightly. And if you think you need a more intense or extreme practice to get you into the deeper stuff faster…you most assuredly do not. It’s absolutely crucial to take this stuff slowly. If you try to rush it, bad things will happen. We’re all full of lots of bad stuff. If you think you can push right through into the great enlightenment of Lord Buddha without first dealing with your own accumulated negative shit, you’re dead wrong.

Brad Warner is the author of Sex, Sin and Zen: A Buddhist Exploration of Sex from Celibacy to Polyamory and Everything in Between as well as Hardcore Zen, Sit Down and Shut Up! and Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate. He maintains a blog about Buddhist stuff that you can click here to see. You can also buy T-shirts and hoodies based on his books, and the new CD by his band Zero Defex now!
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by Blogbot

This Sunday, June 10th at 10 PM PST, SuicideGirls Radio host Nicole Powers and co-host Moxi Suicide will be joined in studio by Jessie Nicole, Michelle, and Vanessa from LA’s Sex Workers Outreach Project for a panel discussion about the unique issues their clients face.

Sex Workers Outreach Project is a social justice network dedicated to ending violence and stigma against sex workers through education and advocacy. SWOP works to create a strong community of sex workers and allies to support each other and educate the public on the institutional harms committed against sex workers.

Sex workers are seldom afforded protection or recourse from violence because of the precarious relationship between sex work and law enforcement. Violence against sex workers is tolerated because of the stigma and myths that surround the sex industry. Only when those falsehoods are corrected and sex workers are legitimized will we be able to effectively prevent and minimize the harsh challenges of sex work.

For more info on SWOP-LA visit: swoplosangeles.org/

Listen to SG Radio live Sunday night from 10 PM til Midnight PST at: suicidegirlsradio.indie1031.com/

[..]

by Jen Friel

On Twitter a week and a half ago I jokingly tweeted out that I hoped the next guy I dated had a foot fetish so I could get my feet rubbed. See, I recently started jogging in the morning and while my booty is getting into shape nicely, my feet are suffering from the extra pavement pounding.

What I didn’t expect from that one tweet however was the OVERWHELMING demand from guys actually wanting to help. Now, I know from a dear friend of mine who is formerly a porn star that feet are the number three fetish, just behind butts and boobs (pun intended) – but I had yet to actually find a guy to date that was into it. I then received an EXTREMELY heartfelt email that changed everything for me.

Here’s the actual email, in which the sender explains his history…

Hi Jen,

Because you’re interested in having me massage your feet, and intrigued by foot fetishism in general, I wanted to tell you about my foot fetish history.

For as long as I can remember, I was preoccupied by women’s feet. When my parents female friends would visit the house, I would stare at their feet. I was equally obsessed with the feet of girls my own age. I have always loved women’s feet. And my submissive impulses were already there as early as 3 years old: I had fantasies of being a butler, a servant. I had one babysitter who would plop down on the couch and I’d bring her drinks and snacks and she would rest her feet on my face while she watched TV. Good gig for her. But I was happy; I needed feet in my face – even back then.

By the time I was actually kissing girls and fooling around, the fetishism and submissive tendencies were completely buried. It’s interesting to note that VERY EARLY ON, i realized this was considered to be weird and taboo. So my sex life was normal through my teens.

My junior year of college was the first time I lived away from home and had access to the internet. I immediately began exploring my fantasies online. This was the late ‘90s and the internet was new to me.

I looked up foot fetish and BDSM porn and I realized I wasn’t alone in my desires. I had also found a book in Barnes & Nobles called Different Loving. It was a sympathetic view of power exchange / BDSM interactions with many personal essays. It shocked my system. I read almost the entire thing right there in the aisle. But I still felt intensely shameful. I felt like a creep, like a loser. And of course, there are plenty of people out there who would say that foot fetishists are indeed creeps, losers, or worse (is this online? – just look at the comments below).

Fast-forward a few years. I had moved to New York City. And much like I responded to your “foot fetish / I want my feet massaged” post, I wrote an email to a professional Dominatrix who lived in Manhattan. We arranged to meet. I went over to her “studio” where she conducted her BDSM sessions. We discussed my interests. And long story short, she made me her “houseboy.” This wasn’t a professional arrangement. I wasn’t her client. This was a personal, mistress/slave thing.

For over 5 years – FIVE YEARS ! – once a week, I would go over to either her studio or her apartment, sometimes both, and clean for her. I would run errands. I would give her massages. And she would reward all of this service by allowing me to worship her feet. The arrangement ended when I moved out here to Los Angeles.

I’m still in touch with my former Mistress. And she was instrumental in encouraging me to be honest with my current girlfriend. Instead of being secretive, I was able to be honest and up front about my desires. Listening to the Savage Love podcast didn’t hurt either; I could hear Dan Savage calling me a “piece of shit asshole” if I tried on the idea of going to see a Dominatrix behind my girlfriend’s back – and he would have been correct to call me that.

So after years of shame and secrecy, I did the unthinkable and came clean to my GF. I told her that I have a foot fetish, that I have the desire to be dominated by other women. And I explained that this was a compartmentalized impulse, distinct from the romantic love and sex we shared.

Guess what: She completely understood and gave me her blessing. It was life changing. Someone I loved more than anyone in the world was accepting me for who I am.

It made something that I admit is weird feel more normal. Everyday, since my girlfriend’s acceptance of me, I’ve felt more healthy, true, and peaceful.
My biggest epiphany was that this was really about humiliation. I’m someone who requires humiliation to feel sexual. So someone ordering me to pick up a coffee or dry cleaning and then allowing me to get on the floor and pamper their feet while they relax or work – that really does it for me.

BTW: you can Wikipedia this shit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_humiliation

I hope all of this intrigues you. Let me add one more thing…

It’s really, deeply upsetting that foot fetishists or people into BDSM or whatever are considered to be FREAKS. If you Googled “foot fetish” or do a key word search in Twitter, I’m sure there are people saying tons of negative shit.

You can’t choose what gets you off. There are kids killing themselves because they’re gay and they’re in environments where being gay is shit on, where they’re told they’re going to burn in hell, or that they’re just plain freaks. Sexual shame is seriously intense.

The people who are quick to shit on foot fetishists – calling them freaks, or leaping to an even more absurd presumption that they’re dangerous – I bet a ton of those people would be quick to be like, ‘Of course it’s OK to be gay!’ Meanwhile, not realizing that people who have foot fetishes are just as hurt and shameful and often closeted because of their desires. There is an absolute parallel. (And look: I have to admit that foot fetishists do creepy things. But I believe this is a result of being closeted and desperate. I get that there’s a reason for this reputation. I guess I’m just saying it’s a shame.)

So you have no idea how grateful I’ve been in my life to meet people who are like, “Let me get this straight: you’re going to worship me like a Goddess, I don’t have to say ‘thank you’ or even be nice, and in return all you want is my feet? GREAT.: It is pretty fucking great and mutually rewarding if you have an open mind.

This is long. I could say a lot more. But I hope foot fetishism continues to intrigue you and that you see it can be pretty cool.

How awesome is that? He’s so upfront and honest – but I could FEEL the shame bleeding onto my monitor. This man was so closeted with his fetish and desperately seeking an outlet.

We outlined each of our boundaries and after about 40 emails back and forth, we finally agreed to meet at a public place last Friday.

I have to say this experience hands down changed my life. He approached me in the park with sunglasses and a hat on, but quickly asked me if he could put on his hood. “Yes,” I said, noticing that other people weren’t around (and even if they were – I didn’t care).

He then went to town for about a half an hour rubbing not just the base of my feet, but also in between my toes and all the way up my calf. I watched his body shake as he found certain “sweet spots” – and while having my feet rubbed does nothing for me sexually, in this moment it allowed me to explore the dominant side of my personality. Here is this guy laying on the grass literally WORSHIPING my feet and my only job was to ignore him and be as mean to him as possible.

FYI, I literally do not have a mean bone in my body. I’m pretty much all about jelly beans and rainbows twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, constantly seeing the bright side of things. In this moment, and in this position, I got to explore the dark side and all I can say is that I WANT MORE!!!

It was so liberating being so…bitchy. There is clearly a side of my personality that I had suppressed – much like this guy and his fetish. I can’t wait to get more into it and really let the dominant side of my personality come out to play.

This relationship is TOTALLY beneficial for both of us and I only hope this post can inspire more women to do the same. Here I am thinking foot fetish guys are “creepy” and in fact I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s also helping me grow and become a better person by exploring a place of discomfort.

Foot fetish guys aren’t “creepy” ladies – they are just closeted. Why not explore the dark side yourself? Who knows, like me, you may enjoy it!

If feet are your thing, you may want to join our Foot Fetish Friends of SG group.

Jen Friel is a lifecaster and corporate sponsored minimalist. She went out on over 103 dates in 9 months while couch surfing for a year building her website and bartering social media to live. Consequently, she’s an accidental expert on online dating. You can read all about her ongoing adventures on OKCupid at TalkNerdyToMeLover.com and follow them on Twitter.

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Talk Nerdy To Me Lover: Mirror Mirror On The Web…

by Bradley Suicide

I am generally the girl that thinks like a guy when it comes to matters of the heart. I try and turn off emotion and build up my walls as a matter of shear self preservation. I don’t think this is the healthiest of things, but it is what it is, and at least for now it seems to work for me. That is until I run into that one dude who pulls at my heart strings.

I have a thing for boys with rockstar mentalities, who live life in the limelight. I must be a glutton for punishment. These are the only boys who are able to get under my skin, and with whom I let my guard down. Sadly, these are also the boys who drag me through the mud.

The worst part is that I can see how things will end from the very beginning. And yet I jump in head first anyways. I think a small part of my normally jaded brain wants to still believe in the fairytale ending.

I have recently found myself falling head over heels for someone that I have been seeing for some time now. However, I didn’t know how deep I was into him emotionally until today. I guess I was in denial, telling myself that if I didn’t want to have feelings for him that they just wouldn’t formulate, a mind over matter sort of situation. Well that definitely didn’t work.

I told myself from the beginning that I needed to tread lightly and not have any expectations. I thought that I was doing great at this and that I was walking into the whole situation with a good mindset. I told myself that I was just there for fun and if it led to something else great, but I wasn’t going to count on it. Maybe I thought that if I told myself that enough I would be able to escape the fate that I knew in my heart of hearts was inevitable. I don’t think I could have been more wrong.

The worst part is that there really isn’t anything to be mad at him for, he is being a typical guy. Maybe this is all karma coming back around to bite me in the ass? After all, I am generally the one who, unintentionally mind you, will crush a dudes heart within a week’s time.

Want to hear the worst part of all of it? This just makes me want him more. How screwed up am I? I am knowingly walking into a situation where I am going to get the living shit beat out of my emotions. My head is saying to cut and run, my heart is saying to stick around, and my pride is telling me that I am not a quitter and that this has become a conquest.

So here I go, embarking on a game of cat and mouse that is going to end with me either getting what I want, getting caught and squished, or, what generally tends to happen with me, a mixture of all of the above. Wish me luck in my endeavor. I know that I sound like a crazy person who doesn’t have my head screwed on straight, and that is a pretty accurate assessment, after all I’m knowingly getting myself into this.

Someone get me a shot of Jack a let the games begin.

Until next time.

Bradley
xoxo

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Confessions Of A Reluctant Dater

by SG’s Team Agony feat. Sassie

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: So I’ll get right to it. I have known this girl for several years and we have a ton of the same friends. Randomly we started dating a couple months ago and I have noticed something I really don’t like — she CAN’T stop sharing every aspect of every date we go on.

Thanks for your time!

A: I feel that there are two sides to this. Some girls (and guys) talk very openly to their friends about their sexual relationships and other wise. I am one of these people, but I only have one or two very close friends that I share this information with. These close friends, are people I can trust and know won’t go around telling every person they see.

However, it sounds like things are getting back to you about your relationship from people other than your girlfriend that are mutual friends. I can understand how this could bother you, but you can’t really control what she does or doesn’t talk about with whom. And if she doesn’t really see any problem with the behavior, you can’t make her change how she feels. So you don’t see eye to eye on this one matter. What if you try asking her not to talk about that kind of stuff around you? Explain that you don’t care to hear the details of all of your friends’ relationships. And tell your friends that they have no business talking about your relationship either. If they are your real friends they will understand.

The second side of this is begs the question, why do you care so much? Ask yourself what about her sharing these types of things really bothers you. Are you embarrassed? Or maybe you just feel that any talk of your intimate sexual habits should just be between the two of you. Why? Do you not have a close guy friend that you share your stories with? If you’re having problems coming to a resolution, and can’t even openly discuss this with her, then you’re headed for problems.

I know it sounds corny, but communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. If she’s just sharing with certain people and you’re not the talk of the town, I wouldn’t worry about it so much. Things start to get complicated when it turns into gossip. If you’re already asking yourself “what if” we broke up, then you obviously aren’t happy with how things are going and perhaps need to make some changes. So either stop withdrawing and have an adult conversation about how you feel and what you need, or maybe consider that you guys were, and are, better off as just friends.

Thanks for the question!

<3 Sassie!

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Laurelin

I had this post written over a week ago. I had just walked home from his house for what I knew would be the last time. I was so sad that I could have cried, but I didn’t. I sat down and I wrote about it. When I woke up later and re-read what I had written, I knew it could never see the light of day. He didn’t deserve those words, like he didn’t deserve me. Words help me remember, and I desperately need to forget.

I had written something like it before: ten years ago sitting in an ex-boyfriend’s house in Providence. He was going to leave me, I knew it, so while he slept I would look around. I memorized the way the black curtains fell across the dirty cracked window pane, the way I could see the black bars of the fire escape over the setting sun and Providence skyline. I memorized every poster: Marilyn Manson, The Crow, the black and white kissing girls. I memorized the way it smelled, like Yankee Candle’s Moonlight Path mixed with the shavings from the snake and iguana cages. But most of all I would look at him.

The way his two metal gauged hoop earrings clinked together when I touched his face. (Years later I would buy the same earrings just to hear that sound.) My fingers had traced every outline of his body and just watching him sleep was enough to make me want to cry. Because I knew he was going to leave me, and I wanted to remember. I didn’t want to ever forget a single thing.

And when he did leave me, I wrote it all down. I said that the sky would never be as beautiful as it looked though his window. I was foolish; that that one didn’t deserve those words either. But I always treasured them. I remember being caught scribbling by one of my sorority sisters, and when she asked me to read her something I had written I hesitated before deciding to read her that essay. I got about halfway though when I noticed she had tears streaming down her face. When I was done she grabbed my hand and told me that I should never stop writing. We cried, but I was happy to have finally shared him with someone.

Last Friday after creeping in from his apartment I decided that enough was enough. I would never again notice how leaving the bar drunk my hand slides so easily into his. I would never again get so drunk that I would try to not feel ashamed for winding up in his arms, knowing he was only holding me because he had no one better. Last Friday I wrote my final piece about loving him, and I said goodbye.

I had traced his every outline, but his feeling will fade, and in time so will this sharp feeling of total loss. I might run into him again down the line, and hopefully by then I will be able to genuinely smile. Hopefully by then I won’t have to turn away so he won’t see my lower lip trembling. I write to remember, but some things need to be forgotten, erased. Hopefully one day I can come back to this and remember how last Friday was the start of something worth remembering.

[..]

by Darrah de jour

Inga Muscio is the highly acclaimed, and equally controversial (and unapologetic) feminist author of Cunt: A Declaration of Independence, Autobiography of a Blue-Eyed Devil: My Life and Times in a Racist, Imperialist Society, and her latest, Rose: Love in Violent Times.

In the current political landscape, women’s healthcare rights are under attack daily by new cockeyed legislation. Our social and sexual freedoms are being preyed upon by fervently conservative Republicans. The youth of our country are also at risk — whether because sex ed is being taken out of schools in favor of abstinence-only education, or because bullying by other kids is resulting in suicide. The Right’s proposed answer? “Don’t Say Gay” bills.

What better time to visit the themes of Muscio’s literary toils, and pick her brain about everything from sex, race and violence, to female friendships and that dude, The Pope.

Darrah de jour: You are one of the most important and accessible feminist writers of the 21st century. Your seminal book Cunt has changed the lives of so many women by promoting body-love, pro-sex attitudes, and by embracing LGBTQ life-styles — even when, as you state, a lesbian’s desires include wanting to roll in the hay with the opposite sex on occasion. What inspired you to pen Cunt? And how have your views changed in the last ten years?

Inga Muscio: My views have expanded and mutated some, but not earth-shatteringly so. I’d like to qualify that it’s my desire about rolling in the hay with whatever gender. I can’t speak for the general lesbian population on that one. I believe it was Cynthia Nixon who got into a lot of trouble for saying that being a lesbian was a choice for her. I’ve gotten into trouble for saying that as well. And I understand why. The bible-thumpy closet homos get all in a lather about gayness being a choice and with the right amount of prayer and support, one can simply change their mind and no longer be gay. So, if you have people out there saying, “Oh yes, lesbianism is a choice for me,” then you’rr gonna feel a bit betrayed. But the thing is, that’s kind of, in a way, the whole crux of sexuality. It exists on an ever-changing continuum, which is something bible-thumpy closet homos can inherently, never embrace.

What inspired Cunt? Two things. First off was ‘The Mistake,’ which I briefly wrote about in Cunt. Early in my writing career at a weekly newspaper, I accidentally turned in an article to my editor (this is back in the day when actual pieces of paper were exchanged amongst such individuals) and it had the title, the word count and my name at the top. Only I left out the “o” in word count. I didn’t notice “The Mistake: until my editor pointed it out to me. After the newspaper and I parted ways, I sat on my kitchen floor, with all of my articles surrounding me in a 180 degree circle. And I was thinking, “Well, I’ve always wanted to write a book.”

Thing #2 is related to your next question. I’d spent a good part of a decade stewing in this primordial rage, after my mother told me she’d been raped by two men when she was nine years old. I wanted to hunt them down and tear them apart with my bare hands, gouge out their eyes, stomp on their balls. This happened in London in the late 1940s, when she was walking home from school. She had no idea who they were. There was no way for me to satiate my vengeance fantasies on the men, themselves.

And I realized, it wasn’t about these specific men, per sé. Or my mother, or my childhood — which was 100%, 24-7 themed around this far away act of violence. I saw the hugeness of rape. How many childhood’s were shaped by violence? How have the traumas of abuse, rape, slavery and genocide echoed through each passing generation? How does war — and the mass rape it usually engenders — affect a population? I saw this act of violence committed against my mother as one minuscule facet of what I eventually saw as a fractalized, kaleidoscopic panorama. Cunt became my way of setting light to that view. It was, and remains, an incredibly satisfying means of exacting vengeance.

Ddj: In Cunt, you describe one evening where a conversation with your mother about rape changed your relationship with her. The bond between mother and daughter is a complex one. Why do you think so many women have difficulties getting close to their moms?

IM: Here we have another continuum. Some moms are not affectionate. Some are too affectionate. Some daughters are dying for their mother’s approval and their mother will never, ever give it. Some daughters could give a fuck what their mother’s think, and their mom’s doormatishly consider them the most beautiful being ever to grace this planet’s hull. Such a mixed bag.

If you want to talk just general indoctrination, there exists a lot of jealousy between women in patriarchal cultures and this does not spare relationships just because of strong blood bonds.

Ddj: We are living in a very unique time, where the GOP is trying to take women back into the Dark Ages. Their aims include: making contraception difficult and expensive to ascertain; adding additional (and sometimes painful, invasive and expensive) hoops for a woman to jump through to terminate her pregnancy; and trying to make women socially and financially subservient to men, by allowing her to be fired for using contraception — among other wonky Santorum-sanctioned ideas. Why do you think the pendulum is swinging backward instead of forward? And, what would the Muscio plan of attack be if you were organizing a retaliation?

IM: Women’s bodies are difficult to control. So is the earth, itself. So are the many people on the planet who don’t feel like being controlled, such as Palestinians, indigenous people in the US, aboriginal people in Australia, Tibetans, black people, and homos the world over. So my plan involves a lot of education and making these connections. If you’re well versed in the oppression of women, great. Now it’s time to learn about the oppression of everyone and everything else. If you understand how the people you identify with are controlled, move out of your sphere and apprehend how everyone else is controlled. Otherwise, we are all small groups of people looking only to our own self-interests, and meanwhile, do not understand the true nature of our adversary. In war, this is not a powerful position.

We see this on display in the fractured Occupy movement, where the name itself is highly offensive to indigenous people. Those within the movement who hold power do not seem willing to apprehend the gravity of this, thus weakening the very thing they are trying to make strong. How can indigenous people — this includes Mexicans, Chicanos and native folks — really, heart and soul get behind the concept of an occupation when it is something their families have been struggling with for over 500 years? And without the people who come from this land – without the full backing of people of color, homos, and white women – the Occupy movement, for example, will not get anywhere. When we remove all the things that keep us in racist / misogynist / xenophobic mindsets, then we can start talking revolution.

Ddj: Many conservatives are rallying for the removal of sex-ed in public schools. If sex education is removed from public schools, in favor of abstinence only education, or none at all, what kind of effect do you think this will have on children, teens and the future?

IM: Pregnancy rates will skyrocket. Date, gang, and sexual abuse rape will reach epidemic proportions, as if they haven’t already. More young women will go to jail for throwing their baby in the trashcan in Olive Garden during their lunch break or in the school bathroom toilet. Poverty, homelessness, hunger. The young men who actually try to stand up and be fathers for their children will most likely join the military and put their life on the line. The children of these young people will be more available to abuse from relatives, day care center workers, baby sitters or family friends because the parents both have to work. Deaths from homemade abortions will rise. Adoptions will also rise. Good times.

Ddj: South Carolina Governor Vikki Haley recently proclaimed that “women don’t care about contraception. They care about jobs, the economy, and raising their families.” What would you say to Ms. Haley if you had the chance?

IM: I’d say, “That’s a fascinating talking point you learned at one of your dazzle camouflage meetings. If it was based in reality it would not work nearly as well as it does.”

Ddj: Two and a Half Mem co-creator Lee Aronsohn came under fire last month for what many claimed were sexist comments. In response to a reporter’s inquiry about current television programming, Aronsohn replied, “We are reaching peak vagina on television, to the point of labia saturation,” referring to female-centric sitcoms like 2 Broke Girls and Whitney. He went on, “Enough, ladies. I get it, you have periods.” What is your response to this bravado? Why do you think some men still fear women and women’s bodies? How does this affect women?

IM: I see, since Lee Aronsohn knows we have periods, then periods are due to cease existing. When will we reach peak penis in any realm of existence? In architecture? Sitcom plots? Political campaigns? There are very few things in this world — from structures of hierarchy to the cadence of songs — that isn’t penis shaped in some way or another. Hello, war? Bullets, missiles, warheads. Please. I can’t leave my home without being inundated by the realities of penises. Enough, gentlemen, I get it, you (hope to god you) have hard-ons.

I think most men fear women’s bodies because they are indoctrinated to mistrust nature. These are the nice, well-intentioned men. The ones who feel compelled to control nature are a whole other problem. The sexiest men are the ones who’ve faced all of those fears. I think all this affects women by controlling us. Many of our thoughts, desires, aspirations, fears and traumas are also very penis shaped.

Ddj: Your latest book Rose: Love in Violent Times, explores women and violence. In it, you write, “Rape is so much more than the mainstream definition of ‘forced sexual intercourse.’ Rape is murdering part or all of someone’s soul. Snuffing out someone’s power.” While we do not condone honor killings in the US (though some have occurred in families that have relocated here), our attitudes do include blame, judgment, and inaction. When Sarah Palin was mayor of Wasilla, the city billed sexual assault victims through their insurance companies for the cost of rape kits. Others try to differentiate “forcible rape” from incest, as though the results – the stripping of dignity, the violation – were somehow different. Where do you think these attitudes stem from?

IM: Funny you should ask, because it all comes from the above-mentioned penis-based thought. Men who create and pass laws don’t think rape is all that bad. Unless it happens to their daughters, of course. No one dies. It’s as close to a victimless crime as you can get without actually being victimless. Somewhere in the dark heart of a man’s penis, there is the possibility that the woman really wanted it. There is also the problem of slavery and the genocide of native people that we’ve yet to face. We come from a long history of rape being condoned. If a senator’s great-grandfather owned slaves, and raped the women, it was passed through the family that rape was just boys having a little fun. We really, really do have a lot of rapists in our history. And child molesters. So the laws reflect this. Any rhetoric that victimizes/demonizes those who oppose this reality isn’t warmly welcomed. Especially when it comes from a woman. That really is the bottom line throughout our culture: we attack/demonize the victim. Without the victim opening their mouth, there would be no problem. This applies to whistleblowers, environmentalists, animal rights activists, labor unions, incarcerated prison rights activists, un-closeted breastfeeding mothers, and pretty much everyone else who bucks the system of total control.

Ddj: I often engage in conversations with the men in my life (I have an abundance of fantastic male friends) about the challenges they face with the current state of gender dynamics, third wave feminism (or are we now in fourth, arguably?) and the polarization of subjects like abortion and rape. What can the good guys out there do to better understand issues affecting women right now?

IM: I really find it beneficial to immerse myself in the art, films, music, and writing of any demographic I’d like to better understand. See if they could commit to doing this for a year. Your man pals will come out of it with a pretty nice understanding. But not just feminists. Tell them to read biographies about beauty queens and cheerleaders, about powerful women such a Barbara Bush, Imelda Marcos or Margaret Thatcher. Watch independent films by women of color. Just grab any and every CD by a woman at the library. Only go to local shows or openings by women. Tell them to be sure to include transgender women. And good job putting the lid down after they pee.

Ddj: Relationships between women can be intense. What do you think is the biggest challenge women face in having authentic, intimate friendships with each other?

IM: Mirroring competitive models of power. It goes against our nature and wears down out spirit, and so we set upon each other in internecine and highly damaging ways.

Ddj: Not long after Prop 8 was deemed unconstitutional in California, North Carolina voters approved amending their state constitution to ban gay marriage. Last week, President Obama spoke publicly in favor of same sex couples‘ right to wed. Eight states in the US have legalized same sex marriage. Do you think marriage equality will provide equal rights for the gay community? If not, what issue trumps it?

IM: I do think it is a big and important thing. So many people do not enjoy the benefits of marriage. I’ve heard of partners of 20 years being barred from their beloved’s deathbed by homophobic family members who never approved of the relationship. Or firemen whose surviving spouse is not eligible for widow’s benefits. It’s truly horrifying. That being said, I’d like to see gays passionately fighting for the rights of black people, or putting energy into the water or fishing rights that native people are fighting for. I’d like to see homos branch out a bit. All of the issues facing humanity today are important. It’s difficult to prioritize.

Ddj: Pope Benedict XVI said on April 5th that women have no place representing God as ordained priests and rebuked priests who support ending celibacy. Do you think women who ascribe to Catholicism and similar organized religions that oppress women and create/support violent and divisive laws against them are self-loathing? What say you about the myth of female purity (let’s not forget Mother Mary had children after Jesus), and that men can only receive salvation through a sexless woman devoid of physical passion?

IM: The reason he was made Pope was because all of this child sex abuse stuff is constantly erupting and he is the person most experienced in covering it up. The Pope is a total psychopath and anything that comes out of his mouth is guaranteed to be psychopathic.

This whole female purity thing is the Catholic Church’s grudging way of accepting the fact that women must exist on the planet. This is an enclave of men who live in an almost all-male city within a city, who propound to be the word of a male god who never consorted with a woman to produce his child. Is he, in fact, god because he managed this feat? Is this not the holiest thing conceivable (no pun intended), to have a son without touching a woman? Now that’s some shit to aspire to, huh?

These men are absolutely out of their minds. These are the fellas who helped “discover” the new world and sanctified the total subjugation of entire Indian nations. They’re behind a lot of the beliefs in this country that keep people divided and conquered. I look forward to their downfall with bated breath.

Ddj: What are you currently working on?

IM: I’m re-working Autobiography of a Blue-Eyed Devil, which will be published next year.

Find Inga online at ingalagringa.com and facebook.com/inga.muscio.7

Darrah de jour is a freelance journalist and consultant, with a focus on sensuality, environmentalism, and fearless women in the media. Her lifestyle writing and celebrity interviews have appeared in Marie Claire, Esquire and W, among others. She contributes author and filmmaker interviews to The Rumpus. Darrah’s sex and sensuality column for SuicideGirls, “Red, White and Femme: Strapped With A Brain – And A Vagina,” takes a fresh look at females in America. Darrah is also a regular guest co-hosts on SuicideGirls Radio, which is broadcast on Sunday nights on Indie 1031.com/. She lives in LA with her doggie Oscar Wilde. For more of Darrah visit Darrahdejour.com/, and friend / folow her on Facebook and Twitter.

A version of this interview originally appeared in The Rumpus.

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