by Matt Dunbar

Valentine’s Day always wins. No matter how many times we protest the holiday as the sinister conspiracy of the Hallmark-Russel Stover-Pajamagrams industrial complex, or cite its offensively apocryphal origins (St Valentine wasn’t really the patron saint of love, but actually a divorced, sexually incompetent pharmaceutical salesman from New Jersey), Valentine’s Day always comes out on top. At the stroke of midnight on February 15th, we will either be desperately relieved to be lying next to the person we love, or dismayed that the search will require still more time, effort, and Smirnoff.

But while pretty much terrible for everybody involved, Valentine’s Day is especially cruel to one particularly wretched subspecies of the romantically forlorn: the long-distance dater. Convinced for God knows what reason that the only person on Earth they are compatible with requires a TSA patdown to reach, they attempt to defy the basic laws of physics, human behavior, and testicular depression. While their single brethren troll bars and parties for some holiday-induced hookup, those in a long-distance relationship celebrate the 14th by blocking out an extra hour on GChat with their significant other before retiring to their cold, empty and depressingly underutilized twin mattresses.

[..]

by Fred Topel

“I would draw naked pictures of my mom.”
– Jasika Nicole

A supporting character could easily slip into the background on a show like Fringe, but Jasika Nicole makes sure that doesn’t happen. She plays Astrid Farnsworth, lab assistant to Walter Bishop (John Noble). She’s there whenever Walter is explaining the crazy science of the week, and she serves as a trusted confidante for the eccentric scientist.

If you haven’t been following Fringe, here’s my best attempt to catch you up for the purposes of this interview. The Fringe team – Walter, Olivia (Anna Torv) and Peter (Joshua Jackson) – discovered an alternate universe. Over There, the other Bishop, dubbed Walternate, wants to destroy our universe. He sent Olivia from his world, Fauxlivia, to get close to our Peter, which she did. Now our Olivia is back to sort out the mess of cross-dimensional travel and Peter’s feelings. There’s also an Astrid Over There, and even some alternate copies of characters who died in our universe.

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Lainey Suicide in Imp of the Perverse

• INTO: Oolong tea, weed, capital punishment, raw sex appeal, Greek mythology, stilettos, MAC, cheese, zebra print, Southern accents, lip gloss, Betsey Johnson, plaid, serial killers, vintage band tees, Chapstick, cheeseburgers, antique books, bird watching, pugs, insects, Mountain Dew.
• NOT INTO: Self righteousness people, extensions, bad teeth, jealousy, invasion of privacy, Hugh Jackman, hypocrisy, seafood, renal failure, Catholics.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: People who are genuine, kush, steak, dreaming, music.
• MAKES ME SAD: Disney movies.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Cuddles, weed, steak, World of Warcraft, music.
• VICES: Reality TV and cheesecake.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Playing World of Warcraft, conning my boyfriend out of all the cuddle time I can get, and currently school and homework.

Get to know Lainey better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by Blogbot

There’s been a lot of talk around the SG office about what to get our men for Valentine’s Day. Girls are pretty easy to buy for; flowers, chocolate, Champagne, lingerie, fragrance, candles, and jewelry may lack originality, but that’s not always a bad thing. However shopping for the man in your life is a little harder. Turns out there’s a reason for that: What they really want can’t exactly be bought in a store.

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by Brandon Perkins

In the previous installment of our futuristic fiction series, Please Use Rear Exit, Mikhail, who recently x-ed his GF (Katya), ventures out for his first major post-break up night on the tiles with the boys. Unable to cut the ties completely, and with reminders in the form of text messages still causing his phone and his emotions to vibrate, Mikhail recalls his first breakup with Katya a year ago after temptation moved into the next cubicle at work. Meanwhile, Katya is similarly “enjoying” a night out with the girls. Though she’s putting lot of effort into her “over it” front, beneath the thin veneer, as with Mikhail, her mind’s in turmoil.

The scene in front of the mirror was absurd. Just wanting to touch up her mascara, Katya was finding reflective real estate hard to come by. Nipples were being forced back into tube tops as breasts were pushed together and back out. Faces ducked in close to the glass and everyone clucked away in the background. Spectacularly bedecked fingernails flicked at specs of makeup gone astray. Elbows flailed with more fury than the numerous turns of various lipsticks. A plethora of squinting and straining smiles dominated the mirror, turning the would-be reflection of harsh fluorescent lights into a pitch-black sea of narcissism. Katya couldn’t find a space to look at herself. The commotion upset her stomach more than it already was; acid churned into the swills of Smirnoff and tonic. She searched hopelessly for a sliver of space, if only to make sure that there wasn’t anything in her teeth or hair.

[..]

by Alex Dueben

“If I’m not having fun, I may as well go get a desk job.”
– Cherie Priest

Cherie Priest is one of those writers who became an overnight success after more than a decade of hard work. She has two book series going on right now. Her new book is “Bloodshot,” an urban fantasy novel featuring an obsessive compulsive vampire thief nicknamed “Chesire Red” who has an ex-Navy SEAL Cuban drag queen sidekick. It’s a great, fun read with a very different take on vampires than most books offer.

[..]

Voodou Suicide in Jacket Weather

• INTO: Vegetarianism, organic, local, art, design, typography, letterpress, tattoos, piercings, comics, video games, bull terriers, dachshunds, snakes, books, learning new things, languages, love, robots, aliens, the printed page.
• NOT INTO: Close minded people, stupidity, illiteracy, religion, newspapers, bad spelling, spiders, crossing the road.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Windy days up in the mountains, sunshine, wine, pot.
• MAKES ME SAD: Animal cruelty, driving in traffic, the thought of death.
• HOBBIES: Reading, designing, typography, archery, video games, comics, laughing, and wasting time.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Family, friends, pot, animals, the outdoors.
• VICES: Carbs, pot. impulsive buying, the internet.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Procrastinating.

Get to know Voodou better over at SuicideGirls.com!