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Jul 2011 22

by Aaron Colter

The bulk of this blog post isn’t about San Diego Comic-Con, I’m just using it as an excuse to get you to click on the title. And it worked. Fooled you, motherfuckers! You might as well stick around though, I mean, you did already click on the title, and you are already reading this sentence. The next one’s pretty good, you should read it too.

Comic-Con can actually be a lot of fun, but it’s expensive as hell and crowded as five pounds of shit in a four pound bag. If conventions are your type of party, there are smaller conventions around the country that are legitimately well-attended, where you’ll have the opportunity to meet with other fans and actually speak to creators about their work. If, however, you’re looking to blow a few thousand dollars, and can get a decent group of your friends to do the same, plan a year in advance, and set aside hundreds in cash for stuff on the show floor, then yes, San Diego Comic-Con is fucking awesome. If attending, my top three picks for things to get at SDCC are Mr. Hipp Strikes!, Any Empire by Nate Powell, and the 2011 Color Ink Book.

But, if you’re like me, and don’t really want to deal with all of that noise this year, next, or ever, unless absolutely necessary, then here’s some cool stuff that you can do this weekend that will still be pretty fun.

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Jul 2011 22

by Mur Lafferty

SuicdeGirls presents the seventeenth installment of our Fiction Friday sci-fi series, Marco and the Red Granny, which is brought to you by SG columnist Mighty Mur a.k.a. cyber commentator Mur Lafferty.

Marco and the Red Granny is set in a not-so-distant future where an alien species, the Li-Jun, has transformed the moon into the new artistic center of the universe, where the Sally Ride Lunar Base soon gains the nickname “Mollywood.” These aliens can do amazing things with art and the senses, allowing a painting, for example, to stimulate senses other than sight. However, humans remain suspicious of the Li-Jun’s emotion-imbued goods, so while their entertainment can be beamed back to earth, a trade embargo prevents anything from being physically imported to the planet.

In the previous installments, Marco, a writer whose career has long been in the doldrums, gets a surprise call from an agent he thought he no longer had informing him that he has received an offer from Mollywood for a much coveted Li-Jun patronage. Keen to catch up career-wise with his ex-GF Penelope, who’d unceremoniously dumped him after being recruited by the Li-Jun two years earlier, Marco hastily jumps on the next shuttle to the moon. Once aboard, he finds himself sitting next to a seemingly unassuming old lady called Heather, who turns out to be The Red Granny, a legend in Li-Jun’s reality show world for being a three-time champion of The Most Dangerous Game (which requires contestants to sign away the rights to their life).

After settling into his new accommodations at House Blue, Marco has a brief meeting with his new patron, a Li-Jun called Thirteen. It’s only then that Marco realizes he’s never been shown the terms of his employment, and a sense of unease sets in. That evening, Marco is taken on a trip to see The Red Granny in action in The Most Dangerous Game. After a bloody battle, the senior reality TV star is again victorious. The viciousness of the game leaves The Red Granny unconscious, and Marco shocked, disturbed, and in need of a stiff drink. Unfortunately stiff drinks are frowned upon by the Li-Jun, so Marco settles for an early night

The next day, Marco learns first hand about the process that enables the Li-Jun to put taste into paintings, music into pie, and stories into (nonalcoholic) beverages. Having had his deepest and most depraved memories dredged and thoroughly probed by the aliens so they can be monitored and recorded, Marco finally sees the terms of his contract. He ultimately accepts the Li-Jun’s too-good-to-refuse offer, and embarks on his new life at House Blue. However, though he’s been handed everything he ever wanted, somehow the reality of it is hollow.

Twenty thousand words into his new graphic novel, with his first deadline looming, Marco suffers from a severe case of writers block, and searches for inspiration in the bottom of a glass that’s actually had something worth drinking in it. To this end, he stumbles across an illicit drinking establishment on the seedier side of the moon which turns out to be run by a collective of folks who are strictly persona non grata as far as the Li-Jun are concerned – The Alcoholic’s Guild. There Marco has an uneasy encounter with a glass or three of gin, his ex-GF Penelope, who is now going by the name Knowledge, and her AG sponsor, Defect. After downing one too many drinks, Marco begins to get a sense of exactly how severe of an infraction the Li-Jun consider the consumption of alcohol to be.

While attempting to conceal his inebriation as he sneaks back into House Blue, Marco is caught red handed by his Li-Jun keeper Seven (it was probably his spontaneous vomiting that gave him away). The punishment is a second bout of mind raping/mapping. Afterwards, with his patronage in jeopardy, Heather gives him a ‘special’ necklace to calm his nerves and promises to plead his case with Thirteen.

The following morning, Heather takes Marco on a behind-the-scenes tour of the secret areas of House Blue where the Li-Jun infuse emotion into art. The Red Granny also reveals that everything created in Mollywood will soon be permitted to be legally imported back to earth. Duly inspired and placated, Marco is allowed to resume his patronage…However, that was before he got kidnapped twice in one day. The first time by Penelope/Knowledge and Defect of The Alcoholic’s Guild, who made him realize the Li-Jun had brainwashed him into compliance, and the second time by the Li-Jun, who were rather upset about the fact he’d just been fraternizing with said Alcoholic’s Guild – albeit initially unwillingly. Marco’s punishment for this infraction? He was to be a contestant in The Most Dangerous Game.

Having selected his weapon of choice, with a little help from Heather, we join Marco as he prepares for his first bout – armed with nothing more than a bad case of nerves/abject terror, a staff, and a seemingly unassuming knife. However, something Heather said gives him pause for thought:

We are not that dissimilar. We’re just going about our paths in a different way.
Before he enters the arena, Marco cuts himself with the knife to see what it might be imbued with. He discovers thanks to its nefarious Li-Jun properties, it gives him a sense of rage he’s never felt before…

[..]

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Jul 2011 22

by Flux

Every week we ask the ladies and gentlemen of the social web to show us their finest ink in celebration of Tattoo Tuesday; our favorite submission from Twitter and Tumblr each wins a free 3 month membership to SuicideGirls.com.

Check out this week’s winners below:

From Twitter:


@jollybeggarman‘s cute and sexy down-home pinup girl.

From Tumblr:

 

downwiththerobot‘s cool apple and snake evokes a fall from grace.

If you haven’t won this week, don’t forget that you can enter each week until you do, so good luck next Tuesday, and happy inking!

A few things to remember:

  • You have to be 18 to qualify.
  • The tattoo has to be yours…that means permanently etched on your body.
  • On Twitter we search for your entries by looking up the hashtag #TattooTuesday, so make sure you include it in your tweet!

Check out the Tattoo Tuesday winners of weeks past!

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Jul 2011 22

by Daniel Robert Epstein

“I wouldn’t say Knoxville’’s too talented.”
– Jeff Tremaine

On camera the Jackass cast and crew always come off like psychotic eight year olds, which they are. But it also takes some talent to take this very motley crew, have them do all these insane and disgusting things to themselves and each other, and still be able to formulate it all into a movie. That’’s where Jackass co-creator and director Jeff Tremaine steps in.

Before the Jackass phenomenon, Tremaine was best known as the editor for Big Brother Magazine. Tremaine was the one who put all these lunatics together into the major franchise that they are now.

Read our exclusive interview with Jeff Tremaine on SuicideGirls.com.

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Jul 2011 22

Rambo Suicide in Chalk Talk

  • INTO: Photography, exercise, Nintendo 64, Playstation, being domestic, Photoshop, arts, crafts, crocheting, mysteries, psychology, and animals.
  • NOT INTO: Negativity, irresponsibility, side aches on the treadmill, turbulence during airplane rides, Indian cuisine.
  • MAKES ME HAPPY: Friends, anything tiny, flowers, tea, cats, chocolate, new clothes, laughing, BBQs, sunshine, alone time, a clean house, success, margaritas, karaoke, bowling.
  • MAKES ME SAD: Animal cruelty, obscene wealth, really cute boys who are taken, shitty tattoos, disappointing my parents.
  • HOBBIES: Dancing, yoga, watching TV series on DVD, riding my bike, drawing, cross stitching, making greeting cards, reading, writing, photography, swimming, camping, bargain hunting.
  • 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Chapstick, eyeliner, sunglasses, Bovi, and a fresh ass pair of Vans.
  • VICES: Junk food, staying up late, talking about myself too much.
  • I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Watching movies, playing video games, reading, cooking, sleeping, playing with kitty, shopping, driving, and making arts & crafts.

Get to know Rambo better over at SuicideGirls.com!