by Bob Suicide

The other day I came across a picture which had the caption: “OMG, I love macaroni so much. I’m such a nerd.” This irked me to the very core of my being. Your quaint quirks don’t make you a nerd. Going to see a comic-based movie doesn’t make you a nerd.

Jeff Foxworthy has his famous You Might Be A Redneck If… sketch, and with the rising mainstream popularity of geek culture, there comes a necessity to distinguish true nerds from recent converts, so I thought I’d come up with a similarly styled list of rules to help separate the fo’ realz from the wannabes.

Now, many other lists say that nerds must wear glasses (preferably with tape around the bridge), speak Klingon (binary, C++, or some other geeky language), and have all the social graces of an ostrich with its head in the sand, but these should not be the required defining hallmarks of a great, eclectic group of hardcore fans of all things geek: video games, science, science fiction, comics, etc.

We are more than the negative stereotypes that have often been levied against us. So without further ado, I present my homage to Foxworthy and true geekdom, You Might be a Nerd if…

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by Damon Martin

Judgment Day is happening friends, and it won’t be Arnold Schwarzenegger staring you down with a leather jacket and a 9mm.

No, Rapture 2011 is coming courtesy of Family Radio founder Harold Camping, who predicted through what has to be painstaking and meticulous research that Jesus is coming back to claim his flock on May 21 at around 6 PM.

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by Mur Lafferty

SuicdeGirls presents the eighth installment of our Fiction Friday sci-fi series, Marco and the Red Granny, which is brought to you by SG columnist Mighty Mur a.k.a. cyber commentator Mur Lafferty.

Marco and the Red Granny is set in a not-so-distant future where an alien species, the Li-Jun, has transformed the moon into the new artistic center of the universe, where the Sally Ride Lunar Base soon gains the nickname “Mollywood.” These aliens can do amazing things with art and the senses, allowing a painting, for example, to stimulate senses other than sight.

In the previous installments, Marco, a writer whose career has long been in the doldrums, gets a surprise call from an agent he thought he no longer had, informing him that he had received an offer from Mollywood for a much coveted Li-Jun patronage.

Keen to catch up career-wise with his ex-GF Penelope, who’d unceremoniously dumped him after being recruited by the Li-Jun two years earlier, Marco jumps on the next shuttle to the moon. Once aboard, he finds himself sitting next to a seemingly unassuming old lady called Heather, who turns out to be The Red Granny, a legend in Li-Jun’s reality show world for being a three-time champion of The Most Dangerous Game (which requires contestants to sign away the rights to their life).

After settling into his new accommodations at House Blue, Marco has a brief meeting with his new patron, a Li-Jun called Thirteen. It’s only then that Marco realizes he’s never been shown the terms of his employment, and a sense of unease sets in. That evening, Marco is taken on a trip to see The Red Granny in action in The Most Dangerous Game. After a bloody battle, the senior reality TV star is again victorious. The viciousness of the game however, leaves The Red Granny unconscious, and Marco shocked, disturbed, and in need of a stiff drink.

Unfortunately stiff drinks are frowned upon by the Li-Jun, so at the 2Two2, a bar specifically created for humans, Marco has to console himself with a fisheye – a drink that tastes of oranges and spice, and contains the story A Study in Scarlet by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. As soon as he finishes it, a second drink appears in front of him. When he asks who bought it, the barkeep points to a woman across the room who looks suspiciously like Penelope. Deciding to call it a night, Marco is escorted home to House Blue. Later that night, The Red Granny, who’s much recovered thanks to the miraculous work of the Li-Jun paramedics, sneaks into his room with an illicit cocktail created by the Alcoholics Guild. Before leaving him to his already disturbed slumber, The Red Granny warns Marco that in the morning he’s destined to learn first hand about the probing process that enables the Li-Jun to put taste into paintings, music into pie, and stories into (nonalcoholic) beverages.

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by Aaron Colter

So, last week’s post sucked. You know it, I know it. Let’s move on. This week’s isn’t much better, but it’s still better. A simple list of some cool stuff you should check out.

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by A.J. Focht

On May 13, the longest running superhero based television series, Smallville, came to a close. The final episode brought back many of the past characters, including Michael Rosenbaum as Lex Luthor. Avoiding other major spoilers, we’ll just say there is both flight and tights action involved.

That wasn’t the only action stirring in the world of superheroes this past week though. Rob Williams, author of the new Ghost Rider series, announced that the next Ghost Rider will be a female. Johnny Blaze, the current Ghost Rider, will be offered a chance to pass his curse on to someone else, and while Blaze will no longer be the Rider, he’ll remain a part of the series.

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by Bob Suicide

Hi, my name is Bob Suicide and I’m a shy gamer.

Generally, there isn’t a lot of stigma being a shy, quiet geek. After all, as a group, us nerds aren’t known for being boisterous. We play our games, download/stream our shows, and read our comics all from the safety of our solitary couches. However, with the recent surge in mainstream desire for geek culture, we’ve been thrust off of our couches and into the social scene.

You know you’re a hardcore gamer when you can watch someone else play a game with the same satisfaction you would received if you played it yourself. I’ve “played” many a game sitting next to the controller as the go-to strat guide girl or the rapt spectator rooting my friends on. Generally, my shy nature doesn’t preclude me from enjoying the ridiculous level of gaming that I expect from my daily life. But sometimes you just have to be the one pressing the buttons to get the full joy from the experience; sometimes, you can feel a little left out sitting on the sidelines…and it’s then that I lament my epic shyness.

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by Mur Lafferty

SuicdeGirls presents the seventh installment of our Fiction Friday sci-fi series, Marco and the Red Granny, which is brought to you by SG columnist Mighty Mur a.k.a. cyber commentator Mur Lafferty.

Marco and the Red Granny is set in a not-so-distant future where an alien species, the Li-Jun, has transformed the moon into the new artistic center of the universe, where the Sally Ride Lunar Base soon gains the nickname “Mollywood.” These aliens can do amazing things with art and the senses, allowing a painting, for example, to stimulate senses other than sight.

In the previous installments, Marco, a writer whose career has long been in the doldrums, gets a surprise call from an agent he thought he no longer had, informing him that he had received an offer from Mollywood for a much coveted Li-Jun patronage.

Keen to catch up career-wise with his ex-GF Penelope, who’d unceremoniously dumped him after being recruited by the Li-Jun two years earlier, Marco jumps on the next shuttle to the moon. Once aboard, he finds himself sitting next to a seemingly unassuming old lady called Heather, who turns out to be The Red Granny, a legend in Li-Jun’s reality show world for being a three-time champion of The Most Dangerous Game (which requires contestants to sign away the rights to their life).

After settling into his new accommodations at House Blue, Marco has a brief meeting with his new patron, a Li-Jun called Thirteen. It’s only then that Marco realizes he’s never been shown the terms of his employment, and a sense of unease sets in.

That evening, Marco is taken on a trip to see The Red Granny in action in The Most Dangerous Game. After a bloody battle, the senior reality TV star is again victorious. The viciousness of the game however, leaves The Red Granny unconscious, and Marco shocked, disturbed, and in need of a stiff drink.

[..]