by Darrah de jour

When I was in eighth grade, after two years of scratching, clawing, whining and whimpering outside the door of the popular girls, I was finally let in. I scored a cute boyfriend, who, without coincidence, was my BFF Paula’s* boyfriend’s best friend. Paula (a Queen Bee) was a transplant from a nearby school and was part Filipino with gorgeous thick black hair, thick black eyebrows, tan skin and a smattering of freckles on her nose. She wasn’t particularly thin and this made me happy. I was happy because I was 13 and absolutely obsessed with my weight. Plus, if she was super-popular and not super-skinny, then maybe I could be too!

I was dreadfully insecure, and covered this up by being overly-nice, pleasing everybody within a four mile radius, not doing things my popular friends told me not to, and doing pretty much anything they approved of. This included wearing overalls with one suspender hanging down, walking during P.E. instead of running, even though I was a great runner (thus, getting a B instead of an A), ditching class and going to the mall to occasionally shoplift nail polish and other assorted sundries, and talking back to my parents about curfew.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Dalila, Kraven and Sassie!

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I have been married for 4 months and my wife is 7 months pregnant. (We got engaged before pregnancy.) My wife is pretty much turned off to sex at this point. I understand she’s uncomfortable and maybe not in the mood, but she is entirely turned off to the point where we haven’t had relations in 3 weeks, and it was dwindling leading up to the current drought.

I am being shut out on all levels of sexual contact. No old fashioned. No oral favors. Nothing! I’m trying to be supportive of her and not push it but at this point I’m thinking I’m not getting laid till Christmas. Please help! What should I do?

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by Blogbot

A column which highlights Suicide Girls and their fave groups.

This week, Psyche Suicide exposes the unbridled fun that can be had with Slut Pride.

Members: 2,120 / Comments: 12,503

• WHY DO YOU LOVE IT?: This group is all about replicating, enhancing, and fulfilling truly pleasurable experiences for the purpose of recreational sex. We embrace the almighty orgasm, and all acts that precede it. 



  This is a place where women are encouraged to feel the strength, pride, and vigor a man feels from open sexual encounters. We are sluts that do not feel embarrassed by the hot, wet mess that we have made. 



  This is a place for us to gloat about all our glorious sexcapades and discuss all those taboo topics we are often inhibited from discussing in public — topics such as female ejaculation, circle jerks, corporal punishment, sex during menstruation, gay porn, creampies, snowballs, champagne enemas, orgies, polyamory, bisexuality, ladyboys, gangbangs. You name it, your fetish is our world.





• DISCUSSION TIP: Arrive with an open mind in the hopes of living out your fantasies of an abundant sex life. The only thing we ask is that you leave all your feelings of shame and guilt at the front door.
• BEST RANDOM QUOTE: Too many epic tales to pinpoint a specific one. I have literally entertained myself for weeks going down the list reading all the stories. Here are a couple of the best I collected from this goldmine within only a few minutes…


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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Shaine, Lyxzen and Yulia

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I have this ex-boyfriend who is a alcoholic and every now and then he’ll calls me drunk and talks about memories of me and him, and tells me he wants to hangout with me. I still have feelings for him, and feel like he still likes me or something. Could I be right? We’ve both moved on and are with other people. What do you suggest I do?

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by Laurelin

I honestly don’t know why my friend Dan even still wants to be around me. Every single time we hang out I turn into a drunk monster and wind up doing something completely and utterly retarded. Past events have included drunk yelling, drop kicking, punches in the head, “where is this going” talks as I’m getting kicked out of a bar, and most recently screaming at him that he was a pussy as I made him carve his initials into my foot with a giant knife. I have only a slight recollection of this happening, but it’s true; there it is to this day, a tiny “DK” on the top of my foot, a reminder that at the age of 28, total idiocy is still very possible.

He should definitely win an award; I have embarrassed him at multiple bars while he’s been working, woken up his roommates and neighbors in his quiet Cape Cod house and been found alone and drunk in the kitchen attempting to eat cold pasta salad with my hands like the scene where ET the Extra Terrestrial discovers food and beer in Elliot’s fridge. Dan and I are clearly just buddies at this point, this is not the type of behavior that says, “Hey, you should date me, I’m very stable.” I mean, I know everything should be taken with a grain of salt, but really, some things are just stupid. Sometimes I’m just really, really stupid. The other night in a blacked out state he decided that I should be the best man at his future wedding. “Start preparing that speech,” he slurred. “It better be good.” One of the guys, always.

I guess I don’t have the best track record with men. It’s been a year since my last serious relationship, and looking back I feel as though it was really just a blip on the radar screen. Learning experience, blah blah, everything happens for a reason. I guess it does: One line will forever define that relationship, one line spoken at the bar one night by my ex’s best friend. This guy was a monster, a terrible drunk and constantly blowing lines, but he always told the truth. I guess I was looking bummed out one night at the bar, because he came up to me and gave me a sympathetic hug.

“Don’t worry, Laur,” he said. “It wasn’t meant to be. You guys were great together but you know, the other night he mentioned that you were the best thing to ever happen to him, but that you weren’t the type of girl that you marry.” He smiled reassuringly and wandered off. I stood there, and as that comment slowly absorbed the world around me blurred. I thought I might pass out. Two years of my life, years spent happy, in love and with my best friend… not only was that all over now, but that’s what he thought? Did he know that all along? I have never forgotten that, and it honestly haunts me. I thought I had had something amazing, but he was just killing time. I am not the type of girl you marry. What the hell was he thinking?

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by Blogbot

A column which highlights Suicide Girls and their fave groups.

This week, Thistle Suicide explores the finer points of Yuppie Scum, a group strictly for discerning individuals.

Members: 99 / Comments: 3,998

• WHY DO YOU LOVE IT?: This group understands me and my love of fine wine, artisan cheese, and crisply tailored slacks.




• DISCUSSION TIP: Class warfare is strictly forbidden.
• BEST RANDOM QUOTE: “No wood says ‘I’ve arrived’ like cedar does, man.”






• MOST HEATED DISCUSSION THREAD: “Yuppie or not yuppie? You report, we decide.“
 Billed as “the definitive thread for arguing over whether or not something fits with the general aesthetic” it aims to pass “yuppie or no” judgment on key topics such as Christmas decorations (depends if you put them up yourself or hire a service), poetry readings (readings = yes / slams = no), and living in a shipping container (no, unless it looks like this and this).



• WHO’S WELCOME TO JOIN?: Anyone with a 401k, a favorite Starbucks drink, and ambition. MBAs and JDs especially welcome.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Friskey and Tita

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I wrecked my motorcycle almost 6 years ago, and it has left me paralyzed and in a wheelchair. I haven’t had a relationship since. I have always been a bit shy, but now I feel self-conscious about my “situation”. I feel like people look at me as though I am helpless. And its hard to find a girl who would rather ask me for my phone number than ask me if they can hold open a door for me. Most people see a person in a chair and their first thought usually isn’t “Oooh, I want some of that!” I’m pretty likable guy…once you get past the fact that I’m in a chair. How would you suggest that I go about getting women to want to date me? In all honesty, what would it take for you to date a person who was paralyzed?

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