Wit Suicide in Pure Imagination

• INTO: I like to go on adventures. I recently went to the rain forests of Belize. I love scuba diving. I’m a complete nerd for biology. I’m in love with my hammock and Harry Potter. I love food and to cook.
• NOT INTO: Roaches, clowns, feet, and dope addicts.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Being with friends and loved ones.
• MAKES ME SAD: Rejection.
• HOBBIES: Scuba, reading, video games, and tokin’.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Cell (it sucks), cigarettes (though I’m “quitting”), eyeliner (a girls gotta look good), my hammock, my friends.
• VICES: I don’t always think before I speak, which results in me being loud and very blunt. Also I tend to go on rants about the biological correctness of statements – my friends hate it!
• SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Workin’, schoolin’, tokin’, sleepin’.

Get to know Wit better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by Jensen

Hey guys! Super easy tutorial this week for a string covered bulletin board. This is a really inexpensive and a nice way to show off cards, postcards, notes, whatevz. I almost feel silly making a tutorial for this, since all you do is wrap a fuck ton of string around a frame, but I’m doing it anyway!

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by Laurelin

The word “zing” is not in my vocabulary. I don’t remember ever having said it, nor have I ever heard it used in everyday conversation. However, I’m pretty sure when used in the context of a message during a particularly nasty text war with the ex, the word “zing” is equivalent to “fuck you.”

Breaking up is never easy. Everyone is quick to weigh in on your breakup once they hear about it. I’ve heard it all: the voicemail breakup, the post it breakup (how very Sex in the City of him), the text message breakup. Then there were the pep talks: the my-relationship-was-longer-than-yours-so-it-was-worse pep talk, the you’re-better-off-without-him pep talk, and, my personal favorite, the why-would-you-be-upset-about-him-he’s-wearing-a-velour-track-suit-in-public pep talk. People just want to help you get though, it’s heartwarming and gut wrenching at the same time.

I lucked out and got dumped while my [ex] boyfriend was blackout drunk and trying to get me to watch Youtube videos of The Muppets. All of a sudden, it wasn’t working out and here I am, wide eyed and trying to figure out what to do now while he falls into a blissful alcoholic coma next to me. I must have dozed off at some point, because I woke up a few hours later to the alarming sounds of someone sleep-peeing in the corner. I mopped up the urine that soaked my Complete Works of Shakespeare and threw away the last two years with the soggy paper towels. For some strange reason I felt like things could only go up from there.

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by Nicole Powers

“You never make fun of people you don’t like.”
-Lisa Lampanelli

Life is all about timing. Especially when you’re telling jokes that many might view as not funny, and that even more might find downright offensive. Thus, Lisa Lampanelli, the self-proclaimed Queen of Mean, who stars in her first HBO comedy special, Long Live the Queen, picks her moments carefully –– very carefully.

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Asbury Suicide in Pale Harvest

• INTO: Art, black & white photographs, cheese, chicken, concerts, depth, dreams, fairytale endings, hair swooshin’, Halloween, harassing innocent people, holding hands, honesty, hoodies, hope, Jersey, John Cusack, making people feel awkward, movies, music, October, odd balls, peanut butter, penguins, photography, pickle juice, ranch dressing, sarcasm, sea horses, sleeping, smell of skunks, stars, sugar/candy, sweatpants, tattoos, texting, thermals, thunderstorms, unplanned events, warmth, white T-shirts, X-Box 360.
• NOT INTO: Being an asshole, being cold, cheaters, fake intentions, false hope, hardcore porn, holes in my socks, lack of tattoos, liars, normal people, paleness (self), sink full of toothpaste, stubbing my toe, traffic, wet kneecaps.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Family, love, Manchester, sandwiches, sincere gestures, thoughtful people.
• MAKES ME SAD: Animal abuse, broken hearts, mind games, upsetting people, winter.
• HOBBIES: Analyzing people.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: iPhone, laughter, love, Mac, Manchester.
• VICES: Self destruction.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Lost in hopes & dreams.

Get to know Asbury better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by SG’s Team Agony

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. I’m young, 18 years to be exact, and I was hoping that maybe you girls could give me some advice. Here’s the story…Earlier this year, around the middle of February, I started seeing this girl. We’d talked a few times before, and had gotten to know each other pretty well. She started coming over to where I live and we just hung out, played some games, and just bonded.

As you probably already figured out, we had feelings towards each other even though the relationship only lasted a little over a month. I was devastated. I tried to talk her out of it, but I couldn’t. I broke down and though three months passed, the feelings I had for her never left. I tried talking to her in July, only to find out that she hates me. So I stopped talking to her and attempted to block her out of my mind, but I couldn’t get her out of my mind either. These days, I’ve been thinking about her more and more, but she hates me and is now married. What would you do? Some advice would help, if you’re up to it. Sorry it was long and boring.

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by Brad Warner

Only a few more days before the annual War On Christmas ends! So get your shots in quick!

Ever since returning to the United States after spending eleven years of my life in Japan, the furor over Christmas has been especially amusing to me. Add to this the fact that I’m a Buddhist and not a Christian or an atheist – those being the two groups who are most upset about the matter – and I find it extra double-double hilarious (with whipped cream on top).

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