by Jason K

Soon the cold wind of winter will usher in the holiday season. That means Turkey dinners, stuffing, cranberry sauce shaped like a can, and Santa squeezing his fat ass down your chimney. The change of weather beckons, and a change in thirst follows. Out with the weizens, summer ales, and heat quenching brews. In with the thick, hearty ales of winter; beers so satisfying they often are best served alone so as not to compete with a meal. These are best known as Winter Warmers.

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by Ryan Stewart

“Donny doesn’t give a fuck.”
-Eli Roth

“Donny doesn’t give a fuck,” is how Eli Roth sums up the bloody-minded motivations of his character in Quentin Tarantino’s delirious new WWII film, Inglourious Basterds. A Boston-bred Jewish kid turned soldier who is fully aware of the existence and breadth of the Holocaust as it’s occurring, and is motivated by inconsolable rage towards Nazis as a result, Donny is one of many carefully-sculpted, subtly modernized characters in a film that is itself a counterfactual kaleidoscope, cut loose from the moorings of history and propelled solely by the emotional impulses of its makers. Donny’’s blind, seething anger,– and the justice he dispenses with a baseball bat – are the secret weapons of the Basterds, an unlikely platoon of Jewish-American soldiers dropped into Nazi-occupied France by the Allies to act as a roving insurgency, capturing and mutilating Nazi stragglers in order to unnerve the German high command. At least, that’s their mission until they become tasked with something even grander – a top-secret assignment to target the Nazi leadership, which is personally shepherded by a cigar-chomping Winston Churchill.

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Astatine Suicide in Oasis

• INTO: Baking, tattoos, cars, music, photography, art, art history, dive bars, chivalry, education, veggies, hot pink & black, talk radio, cynicism.
• NOT INTO: Ignorance, body odor, handsy customers in the strip club, insecurity, narrow-mindedness, stereotypes, STALKERS!
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Cupcakes, muscle cars, my laptop, close friends, a fat bowl of kush, nerdy glasses on a guy, Djarums, La Crema ’07, dark chocolate, candles, Nag Champa (incense in general, really), taking photos, coffee.
• MAKES ME SAD: People who don’t recycle, fakeness, bad music, bad drivers, humidity, injustice, grammatical errors, misspelled words, animal abuse, people who perpetuate bad stereotypes, those who find no humor in, and/or don’t understand, SARCASM!
• HOBBIES: Anything involving passion, anger, or creativity.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: MacBook, iPhone, Pilot V7 rolling ball fine point pens, coffee, contact lenses, sunglasses, cinnamon gum, Djarum Blacks….
• VICES: I don’t consider anything a vice.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Wanting more time.

Get to know Astatine better over at SuicideGirls.com!

By SG’s Team Agony

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. So a couple who are both friends of mine have approached me and asked me if I’d participate in a threesome with them, partly because I’m the token bi friend and partly because the guy kind of has a thing for me. The girl, being the one I’m closer to, was the one who asked. I accepted, because it could be fun, because better me than someone who’ll hog the guy in front of his girlfriend and otherwise not give a shit about them, and because I’m kind of curious how I’ll act in it.

Please help. We’ve scheduled it for the end of the month, when she’s home from University, but the guy and I have no idea if we should go through with this.

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By Edward Kelly

A funny thing happened recently over at The Big Bang Theory. At the start of this season, CBS was so confident in the sitcom that they moved it to Thursday nights, putting it in direct competition with NBC’s Thursday night comedy line-up. They also upped the ante by shelling out $200,000 per episode to the show’s stars (Johnny Galecki, Kaley Cuoco, and break-out Jim Parsons). That’s not the funny part.

Then, Cuoco, who plays the show’s female lead, broke her leg. As a result, the writers had a scramble to write a stretch of episodes in which Cuoco’s character, Penny the hot next-door neighbor, was absent or limited to one scene. That’s – obviously – still not the funny part.

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by Fred Topel

“You don’t have to look like me to be considered beautiful and sexy.”
– Brittany Daniel

When the aliens come, the only ones left to fight back will be the good looking Hollywood heroes. Independence Day gave us Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman and Vivica A. Fox. Signs left us in the hands (and basement) of Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix. Now Skyline has strapping male leads Eric Balfour (who plays Jarrod) and Donald Faison (Terry), to keep their girlfriends safe and fight off invaders. Brittany Daniel plays Candice, described as Terry’s self-absorbed socialite girlfriend.

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Carrina Suicide in 100 Degrees

• INTO: WWII history, model airplanes, riding dirt bikes, target shooting with my padre, house destruction parties, rabbits and all kinds of little cute furry creatures, Irish whiskey and German food!
• NOT INTO: Aimless people and salmon.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Dissent, entropy, thermodynamics, box wine, vintage Tarantino, baby coconuts with cinnamon and sugar on top.
• MAKES ME SAD: Boys who can’t fix things, unwarranted sobriety, disloyalty.
• HOBBIES: Words, phrases, villanelles, pwning shit.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: My dog, family, freedom, the capacity to learn, uhhhhmmm food/air.
• VICES: Mania, drunken debauchery, inhibiting my lung capacity, being a lush in general.

Get to know Carrina better over at SuicideGirls.com!