by Secretary

This last weekend Europe united for the Eurovision Song Contest, an annual event which a whole continent loves to hate, yet, like a car crash, is compelled to watch. For anyone who hasn’t had their lives touched by the force of nature that is Eurovision, allow me to explain. Founded in 1956, it was supposed to bring post-war Europe together in the spirit of friendly competition, but has since become a leviathan of campery, one-upmanship, tactical/political/block voting, ludicrous gimmicks, and people taking themselves far, far too seriously. It’s a yearly televisual event which serves as an excuse for the whole of Europe to sit down in front of the TV for one colossal drinking game (see rules), and is probably the best indicator of contemporary European politics we have.

Forty-three countries entered this year, and were whittled down to 25 finalists during two semi-final rounds ahead of Saturday night’s main competition. The winners were selected using a combination of televotes and jury votes. Ostentatiously, people were voting for the best song in Europe, but the entrants tend to be remembered for the spectacle rather than for their musical chops. From Britain’s Buck’s Fizz, who memorably ripped the skirts off their female members in 1981, to 2006 when Finnish rock band Lordi managed to temporarily unite the whole of Europe behind latex monster costumes, it’s the visuals that make Eurovision. I had planned to write this as the show was broadcast, but the mandatory Eurovision drinking game was particularly brutal this year, and all I’d managed to type by the next morning was “bbbbbbbbRRRRRRRRRRRRRR,” which I’m sure made a lot of sense at the time.

Anyway, now my hangover has finally subsided, I give you the Dedicated Follower of Fashion’s guide to the critical style moments of Eurovision 2011.

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by A.J. Focht

On May 13, the longest running superhero based television series, Smallville, came to a close. The final episode brought back many of the past characters, including Michael Rosenbaum as Lex Luthor. Avoiding other major spoilers, we’ll just say there is both flight and tights action involved.

That wasn’t the only action stirring in the world of superheroes this past week though. Rob Williams, author of the new Ghost Rider series, announced that the next Ghost Rider will be a female. Johnny Blaze, the current Ghost Rider, will be offered a chance to pass his curse on to someone else, and while Blaze will no longer be the Rider, he’ll remain a part of the series.

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by Erin Broadley

Back in 1984 Slayer and other metal mainstays Venom and Exodus hit the road on what was dubbed the Combat Tour. According to band legend, one drunken night on the tour bus, Slayer frontman Tom Araya – just a tempestuous twentysomething – stumbled down the hallway looking for a place to take a leak. Venom vocalist Cronos joked that the bathroom was right there, in his mouth. Araya proceeded to whip it out and piss all over Cronos’ hair. Sure, Cronos left Araya with a shiner but it’s all part of what makes Slayer, well, fucking Slayer.

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Lolana Suicide in Groucho Marx

• INTO: Writing poetry, airports, hospital food, psychology, getting lost in big cities, books, Greek mythology, going to music festivals on my own, curious girls, divas with great smiles, Canadian lovers, pulling pranks, trying new things, the adrenalin rush I get from being scared half to death, smooth talkers, and success.
• NOT INTO: Burnouts, nobodies, hippies, and dirty hands.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Your smile, finishing my own poetry, the first sip of my morning coffee, Buffalo wings, being single.
• MAKES ME SAD: Rude remarks that I didn’t think of first.
• HOBBIES: Hiking, singing, one night love stands.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: A book, blush, money, human interaction, work.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Thinking too hard and working.

Get to know Lolana better over at SuicideGirls.com!