by Brad Warner

A few people have responded to my blog by comparing me to this or that teacher and saying those guys are much better because they encourage their followers to help others. One reader advised me to get over myself and, “learn to live for others.” It’s good advice, to be sure. But what exactly does it mean?

One of the complaints often lodged against Zen is that it’s a selfish philosophy and practice. Spiritual teachers of other schools are always talking about how we should give to others, help those in need, lend a hand to our brothers and so on. But when you take a look at Zen literature there’s not a whole lot of that. Oh, Dogen Zenji talks a bit about compassion and sometimes you hear the Metta Sutra, the Buddha’s words on kindness, chanted at Zen temples in America. Although elsewhere in the world this chant is more associated with the Theravada school than with Zen.

Zen, on the other hand, tends to seem self-centered. Rather that hearing a lot about how we should be of service to others, the standard canonical texts of Zen appear to focus on what we need to do to improve our own situation and state of mind. They do sometimes make reference to helping others and saving all beings. But these references are almost always a bit abstract. They say we need to help others, but don’t go very deeply into how that might be done. This focus on the self is ironic considering that Zen is often portrayed as a practice aimed at eradicating the self.

But have you ever glanced up randomly when you’re on an airplane ignoring the flight attendants safety instructions? When they tell you how to use those oxygen masks they say that you should first secure your own mask before helping others. There’s a good reason for this. If the plane is losing oxygen you’re going to be too woozy to be of service to anyone else until you first get your own stuff together. This is the way it is in life as well.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Aadie and Lexie

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: Got a problem that’s been on my mind for a while. I’ve been married for the past 8 years, and my partner has never been quite a partner in the sense of taking on or handling the usually shared responsibilities: paying bills, cleaning, parenting, etc., etc. I feel as if I’m constantly putting out fires started by her — without the help of a partner. Being the dedicated person I like to be, I always muscled on — I hate quitting.

Anon-o-moose!

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Smythe and Casca

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: There’s this guy that I’ve been into since I meet him. After I broke up with my BF we started to fool around but haven’t kissed or fucked. I thought he was into me and so did everyone else, so I finally told him I liked him. He said that he wasn’t interested in me like that. It’s been about a month since I told him I liked him, and I’m not over it. I don’t even understand why I liked him in the first place, or why he showed that he was into me but said differently. Could you please help make sense of all this? I would like to move on but it seems like I can’t.

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by Laurelin

Driving down the quaint streets of Chatham on Cape Cod is always a reality check for me. The gorgeous colonial style historic homes with vast lawns and wrap around porches lay quietly by the sea, so perfect in their rustic yet modern décor, looking as though a horse drawn buggy would be a better fit in the driveway rather than a SUV. I have always wanted a home like that. I want something old fashioned by the water, somewhere were I can drink sangria on the porch with my husband and look out at the sea. I could stare at these houses forever, just dreaming of a life that right now, seems so out of reach.

I left a seaside town to move to the city, traded the ocean in my backyard for a concrete ocean and non-stop traffic, horns and sirens. Constant college party screams and shouts lull me to sleep instead of the waves and the cry of seagulls. Instead of tasting salt in the breeze, you might get the occasional AC water drip from the apartments above you. I am used to this city life now, and I do miss it when it’s gone, but I can’t see myself retiring and settling down here forever. For me, right now, this is what I have convinced myself I need. This city has always catered to my single needs. Even when I had a boyfriend this city did nothing to help “us” live a quieter happy couple life. We’re late nighters. Our only consistency in life was the same bar stool we would sit in after work. We had no place in a place like the Cape. We didn’t belong there, we belonged here in this tragedy.

It’s a much different story than just city life vs. country life. To me it’s like two different worlds. Move me to one of those houses on the Cape without me feeling like I’m completely done with this city bar scene and I would be lost. My only question –– is it going to be enough? What am I waiting for? More money? The perfect person to bring with me? If I wanted that life so badly things would have been different. I could have moved home to Rhode Island this year but I couldn’t do it. I was supposed to move to San Diego this September, but the thought of leaving Boston just became too horrifying for me. It was just easier to stay, to keep doing what I’m doing. Why stir the pot when things are pretty much alright the way they are? This city has become the ultimate enabler, allowing me to live a crazy life from which I want no rescue.

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by Blogbot

A column which highlights Suicide Girls and their fave groups.

This week, Otok Suicide takes a powerful stance on the Feminist Group.

Members: 956 / Comments: 22,381

• WHY DO YOU LOVE IT?: It’s chock full of news and resources that I never would have known about otherwise. Best recent discovery? The incident which led to the creation of the SlutWalk. How fucking cool is that? Also, Morgan (the group owner and moderator) is fair when dealing with problem posters. She gives everyone a chance, but doesn’t hesitate to boot them if they’re trolls. That keeps the headdesk-inducing threads to a minimum.

• DISCUSSION TIP: You have the right to your opinion, and everyone else has the right to respond to it, even if it’s to disagree.


• BEST RANDOM QUOTE: “I hope he steps on a lego.

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• MOST HEATED DISCUSSION THREAD: A lot of the threads get passionate, but I think the most consistently active one is the Rantspace rant thread. Not only is it eye-opening, but it’s like a support group within the group. I find it very cathartic to both read and post in that thread.
• WHO’S WELCOME TO JOIN?: Anyone interested in learning about promoting equality of any sort, not just gender-equality.




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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Tekky, Perdita, and Leandra

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I have been on and off with this guy for 10 months now. We haven’t really been in an actual relationship. I moved in with him once to try things out, but he basically broke that off on Valentine’s Day. Now we have more of this friends with benefits thing going. But we fight. We fight for about a week, then for two weeks we are okay and together. I have to see him almost everyday. I really care for him. I’m also hurt at the same time. What should I do?

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by Bob Suicide

A study which purported to highlight the equality among the sexes when it comes to computer gaming was recently published in the uber-reliable Daily Mail. The survey was funded by the scientifically-minded, and above-bias team at Doritos, which lends further credence to the findings.

That’s right, Doritos. Now why would the chip company — known philanthropically funding scientific discovery in key areas such as how to make ranch “cooler” — waste it’s time researching women’s interest in computer games when it could be curing cancer, you say? Well, it doesn’t have anything to do with the recent launch of their own online computer game: Doritos Dip Desperado. No sir.

I’m honestly surprised that the survey didn’t find that “women say that computer games taste great and are less filling than the leading chip brand,” it’s that blatantly obvious this is a sad marketing ploy. But what the press release of an article did say was:

That while 50 per cent of men readily admit to frequent online gaming, a surprising 49 per cent of women confess that they too are addicted to Internet games.

And while men spend 22.3 per cent of their time online playing games, women trump them, whiling away 23.2 per cent of their time online playing games.

Revealingly, the study showed that not only are women just as keen on gaming as men — but that the majority would rather spend time playing on their gadgets than having sex.

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