by Darrah de jour

In the United States, faith-based abstinence-only programs in schools have received $ 1.3 Billion in government funding between 1982-2008. This “save yourself until marriage” agenda has a 90% failure rate. Rationalizing this kind of spending on an essentially faith-based agenda – as opposed to comprehensive sex education, which teaches students about birth control, such as condoms, as well as abstinence – in a country that has a supposed buffer (yeah, right) between church and state begs any thoughtful, sex-loving or even moderately literate human being to ask WTF?

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by Laurelin

I always thought that my job in the service industry was a sign of failure. All the people I know from high school and college and well, life, are all married with kids, working these 9-5 salary jobs with benefits and things like pinstripe pantsuits and heels. Not me. I pay for my benefits through the state, I sleep past 11 AM almost every day, I don’t go into work until the sun goes down and I wear jeans, a black shirt and filthy sneakers every day. Bartending is MY full time job, but honestly, sometimes I just feel plain lazy.

However, as the economy failed and I watched every job but my own go down the tubes I felt pleased; my “career” was flourishing and there was no chance that people would ever stop drinking. I started feeling lucky — in the world of liquor, people drink when they’re happy and they drink when they’re sad. No matter what the occasion, people drink. Bartending means serious job security.

However, things change in a heartbeat. A bar is run just like any other company, and when things go sour internally the company is bound to crash and burn. I have been in the unfortunate position to have front row seats to the epic demise of my bar. It’s going down, and I can honestly say that the staff doesn’t even care to fight for it. Pour on the gasoline and take a picture, because garbage burns fast, and it stinks.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Galda, Rosaleigh, and Koshil

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. I’m 17 years old and I’ve been with this girl for about a year and a half on the 27th. The only problem is that she moved to California in July, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I miss her so much and talking on the phone doesn’t fill the hole like it used to. I need advice.

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by Brett Warner

Throughout the course of human history, men and women have done a lot of crazy things for love. Orlando Bloom caused the Trojan War, Cleopatra and Latin music sensation Marc Anthony both committed suicide, and I’ve sat through at least three episodes of my girlfriend’s favorite reality show, Jersey Shore.

The ongoing misadventures of carrot people Snooki, Pauly D, JWoww, The Situation, Vinny, Ronnie, and Sammi (my spell check just lost its friggin’ mind typing all of that) broke MTV records to become the highest viewed program in the cable network’s decreasingly illustrious history with 8.45 million viewers. Still, watching these unfathomably successful people preoccupy themselves with fighting, fucking, hot-tubbing, and other asinine, “who gives a shit?” circumstances that reality television twists into a botched, Frankenstein version of what the Greeks used to call drama always seems to engage that part of the brain that’ll start flashing sirens when you smoke a cigarette, huff a tube of industrial glue, or take a nap with your head inside the oven – I know this is really bad for me, but I’m going to do it anyway.

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by Brad Warner

I received two closely related questions via email this week, and I’d like to share my answers. I’ve rewritten these, so they’re not word-for-word the responses I sent.

The first person asked me a general question about how to deal with depression. So I wrote back something like the following:

I am a depression sufferer. I really don’t know how mine scales up next to anyone else’s. My one suicide attempt was half-assed (you can read about it in my book Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate). Although I’m not as suicidal as I used to be, even now I go through troughs of depression and inevitably start thinking of doing myself in. This seems to be a deeply ingrained mental response to depression.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Charley, Elea and Dorsal

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q. I don’t know if were are over or not but I’m dating this boy who lives in a town 3 hours from mine. We’ve been together now for one year but it’s long distance relationship. Yesterday a girl sent me this message on Facebook asking who I was and what kind of relationship I had with my boyfriend. I told her all that, and she answered saying that they’ve been together for 3 years and that he is also her boyfriend!! He denies it all, but I know he’s lying. I love him, but I guess I’m better off just forgeting him and trying not to have a long distance thing ever again, because you never know what the other person is doing. I want to forgive and forget but I don’t know what to do anymore. Can you advise me?

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by Laurelin

The promise of a new year is always something that gives me such hope. It’s silly really. It’s a day in your life, the day after yesterday, and the day before tomorrow. It is no different from any other day except for one number after the same year as last year. But for some reason, every new year people make new promises: promises to become better people, thinner, nicer, get a better job, forgive their parents, donate to more charities. People want to feel like they have the power to change the path they are headed down, no matter what path it was; it doesn’t matter because it is a NEW YEAR and we can be anything we want. I am just like everyone else in the sense that I crave a reason to make me try harder to be someone worthwhile, but I also am not disillusioned that this new year can just magically bring about immediate change for the better.

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