by Laurelin

I enter this week with a heavy heart. Usually I have something to look forward to, some great event that with the passing of each shift at work I can say that I’m one day closer to. I enter this week with a heavy heart because I have no one, no increased heartbeat when my cell phone lights up on the end of the bar because it might be him. There is no him. I enter this week with a heavy heart because when I look ahead I see only the same thing day after day; I see only what I feel the majority of the world sees: plain and boring monotony. My heart is heavy, and it’s crushing me.

This week is my chance to shine at work. With my boss on vacation for one week I am the next in line, so this building and everyone in it is mine to run. My walls, my liquor, my beer taps and kegs, my neon lights and my whole staff. Seven straight days of bartending to make sure nothing goes wrong, to make sure this place looks better than when it was left this past Monday. But with no days off to look forward to I can’t help but feel like I’m in a war zone. No Boston waterfront for the fourth of July, no sunshine in my face at the beach, my tan lines fade and my eyes lose their spark as I adjust to sixty-three hours indoors. Even breathing becomes boring.

I fight the sinking realization that this means for one week I am left alone with my own head, my own abilities or inabilities. I have no time to drink with friends until it’s all numb, until I can only laugh about everything that right now seems so overwhelming. I have only time to wonder if I am really upset about working so much, or if I am upset about being able to drink too little. I know it’s only one week; after this weekend my schedule is back to normal, but for some reason the days seep by slowly like spilled molasses.

To make a change one must desire change and create change. I desire change. I also desire sunshine. I desire men, and I desire sangria. Instead, this week, I get sixty-three hours. This week I get discipline, ruling others, and myself. This week I bitch slap my liver and other neglected body parts so they don’t fall into misuse. This week, it will take everything in me not to fade to dust…

Related Posts:
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Contentment and Other Boring Possibilities
Life Beyond The Bar Scene: Last Friday
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: No One Nails the Cry Face and Other Tales of Woe
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Of Lies and Half Truths
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: I Would Never Look Through Your Phone and Other Trust Issues
Life Beyond The Bar Scene: My Manager’s Pants Look Better On The Floor And Other Tales Of Responsibility
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Blonde Ambition
Life Beyond The Bar Scene: Love is Better Soaked in Tequila
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: It’s Not You, It’s Me and Other Tales of Woe
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Winter is Coming
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Digital vs. Analogue
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: A Long December
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Strobe Lights and Glitter
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Fake It ‘Til You Make It
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Apologies and Other Useless Utterances
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Liquid Running
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Anger and Other Mostly Useless Emotions
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: One of the Guys
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: A Case of the Crazies
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Unsettled
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Boys of Summer
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Play On Playa’
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: How to Lose a Girl in Ten Minutes
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Naked Laurelin Reading
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Healthy Relationships are for Boring People and Other Mishaps
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Letting Go
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Does it Exist?
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The Dating Game
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: After a Few Beers Everyone Looks Good and Other Love Stories
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Getting Naked With Laurelin
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Seven Days and Seven Nights of Sobriety
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: When it’s Time to Move On
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Starting Over and Other Stupid Resolutions
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: He Broke Up with Me on a Post-it and Other Travesties
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: The End of Four Loko As We Know It
Life Beyond the Bar Scene: Boston’s Top 5 Dives

by Damon Martin

On Wednesday, scientists in Geneva, Switzerland revealed they’d found the elusive Higgs boson particle.Two different groups of physicists at CERN, who independently carry out research at the world’s largest hadron collider announced their findings during a press conference on Wednesday, which appears to confirm the existence of the particle which was first theorized nearly 50 years ago.

CERN physicist John Ellis put forth a simple analogy to explain why the Higgs boson is so important. He explained it’s like looking at the universe as if it were a giant snow field. In the universe, particles zip around at the speed of light with nothing to slow them down, kind of like a skier would do on a field of snow. But as physicists have theorized for the last 48 years, moments after the Big Bang occurred a ‘Higgs field’ was created as well that served as a way to slow down these separate particles giving them mass that allowed them to combine into atoms and eventually the building blocks of our world. Going back to the snowfield analogy, if skiers can skip along the top of the snow without slowing down there are also people that would have snowshoes on that would move through the snow but at a much slower speed. Then there are people that just have boots on that move even slower in the snow. The snow in this case is the Higgs field slowing down different particles so they can gain mass and combine into matter. Now if you drill down a snowfield into each individual snowflake, that’s what the Higgs-boson particles would be. An individual particle that forms as a whole to give mass to objects.

Evidence of the Higgs boson particle was found by physicists working on two separate teams, ATLAS and CMS, who worked completely independently of each other to study the results found from experiments conducted in the hadron collider. Thought their studies were done autonomously, their results were shockingly similar. Both teams announced discoveries that were drilled down to comparable levels of accuracy.

In the scientific world the rate at which they are certain of their discovery is on something called a sigma scale. On the low end of the sigma scale, a one or a two is seen as inconclusive data, a three counts as an official ‘observation’, and a five sigma is the signal of an official discovery. A five sigma amounts to less than one in million chance that scientists are wrong. The ATLAS team at CERN announced their findings at a 5 sigma, while the CMS team came back with a 4.9 sigma, slightly less but still overwhelming evidence in support of the Higgs-boson discovery.

In the room on Wednesday was 83-year old physicist Peter Higgs, who first theorized the Higgs-boson particle back in 1964. He celebrated the new along with his fellow scientists. “I am astounded at the amazing speed with which these results have emerged. They are a testament to the expertise of the researchers and the elaborate technologies in place,” said Higgs. “I never expected this to happen in my lifetime and shall be asking my family to put some champagne in the fridge.”

The discovery of the Higgs-boson particle by the teams working at CERN will likely seal the deal that Higgs himself will receive a long-awaited Nobel prize.

Now that scientists have confirmed the existence of the long theorized particle, the work can really begin on determining how our universe was formed. “Now the emphasis will shift to verifying the properties of the particle that has been discovered: does it have spin zero? Does it couple to other particles proportional to their masses?,” said John Ellis, who works at CERN. “The discovery will open up a new era in particle physics, as we look for deviations from the properties expected in the Standard Model, and for other physics beyond the Standard Model that might be connected, such as the nature of dark matter.”

The Standard Model is what physicists have used for decades to theorize and explain how our universe was created. What was once theory now moves into the realm of fact. Work will continue at CERN’s collider until it is shut down later this year, so that improvements on the facility can be completed, allowing atoms to be smashed with more energy at greater rate.

by Daniel Robert Epstein

“Every film for me is very personal.”
– Stephen Chow

Stephen Chow is one of the most hysterical filmmakers working today. The film that first broke him out, Shaolin Soccer, is a huge cult hit in America and his latest film, Kung Fu Hustle, is getting the right kind of release from Sony Pictures Classics.

Kung Fu Hustle has some brilliant imagination behind it. As the co-writer/director/star Chow has a lot on his plate with this, his most personal film. It’s about a hapless wanna be gangster; Sing [Chow], who must overcome his inability in order to become a member of the notorious Axe Gang. The Axe Gang, meanwhile, want to reign supreme by occupying the most coveted territory, which is a sacred street protected by an unlikely cast of characters, many of whom are highly skilled kung fu masters disguised as ordinary people.

A personal kung fu film may seem like an oxymoron, but Americans have to realize that China’’s entire film culture is 95 percent kung fu flicks. They represent the zeitgeist of China’’s entire history and are as iconic to them as the Western is to us.

Read our exclusive interview with Stephen Chow on SuicideGirls.com.

Lass Suicide in Cat Burglar

• INTO: Tattoos, reading, drawing, running, drinking, ballet, and online shopping.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Finding an amazing new author, food, alcohol, coffee, friendly drunk people, cute underwear, my cat, when I can get more than five hours sleep a night, new tattoos, good days at college.
• MAKES ME SAD: Unnecessary, nasty comments and dramatic people.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Reading, drinking, and dancing.

Get to know Lass better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by Steven Whitney

July 4th commemorates both our Declaration of Independence and the call to arms that eventually freed our nation from British dominion. Today we find ourselves bound in the shackles of economic enslavement and a Republican agenda dedicated to handing our country over – lock, stock, and barrel – to corporate and 1% rule.

The Republican “record” is a litany of disgrace. Their doctrinaire invasion of Iraq, renditions, secret prisons, black ops, and torture policies brought shame upon America. Their tax cuts for the rich and concomitant borrowing brought our nation to the precipice of an all-out economic disaster. They slashed funding to education and welfare, and wanted to “reform” (get rid of) disaster relief, Social Security, Medicare, and all other programs they successfully (but mistakenly) labeled “entitlements.” They supported the criminals of Wall Street while they persecuted minorities and repressed women (or “sluts,” in their vernacular). Via an all-time record of filibusters they willfully obstructed all legislation that might kick-start jobs and our economy – not out of loyalty to their country but solely from a goose-stepping allegiance to their ethically-challenged party. They filed egregious lawsuits against any passed legislation that might help the poor and middle-class, like the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act…or they pledged not to implement such measures in states they control. Their actions resulted in the most dysfunctional Congress in our history. Their false words and Neanderthal manners poisoned our civic discourse as surely as toxic clouds gathered from their denial of climate change.

So why are they still in the game?

It can’t be the issues. Republicans can’t garner votes from issues because they don’t have any they can honestly air in the public forum. Besides, judging by both polls and American lifestyles from the 1970s onward, it’s clear that liberals have won the so-called culture war.

So why is almost every election – local, state, and national – so close?

For the last 50 years, Republicans have consistently been the minority party, with significantly fewer registered voters than Democrats.

So why, since 1968, have they occupied the White House for 28 years compared to the Democrats’ 16, 75% more years running the Executive Branch?

Throughout that time, Republican policies have aggressively favored the rich and the newly-created “persons” of Citizens United – ExxonMobil, Halliburton, Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan Chase and the rest of the Forbes 500 biggest corporations from which they have literally received countless billions of dollars. Everything they do is for the 1% and against the interests of the 99%.

So why do so many in the 99% vote for them?

Ranting and raving about “stupid” voters – correctly or not – won’t help and will probably only arouse their contempt. To get their valuable votes back, we have to realize that the answers are myriad and more complex. Besides, if we’re so smart, why aren’t we winning the hearts and minds of the entire 99%?

Face it, given our 99 to 1 advantage (some would estimate it is closer to 90 to 10, but still overwhelming), we must be doing something spectacularly wrong.

So the real question is: what is it we’re doing wrong and how can we fix it?

When solving problems, Marcus Aurelius encouraged students always to look to their first causes. In this instance: when and how did the playing field get so imbalanced?

From 1860 through 1928, the White House was pretty much the permanent residence of Republican Presidents – Democrats Grover Cleveland (1884) and Woodrow Wilson (1912) ascended to the Presidency largely because of split votes in the Republican ranks. But after 58 years of dominance, Republican free market policies, unfettered by regulation and oversight, led to the Great Depression, just as the Reagan through Bush policies walked us down the economic plank 80 years later. In 1932, FDR’s New Deal turned the tide of the nation, solidified 16 years later by Harry Truman’s promise of a “Fair Deal” for all. Finally, it was an era of Democratic sensibilities.

But after signing the Civil Rights Act of 1964, LBJ turned to another longtime Democrat and announced: “We have lost the South for a generation.” As it turned out, he underestimated by two generations. Building on the white flight of Dixiecrats, the GOP focused on a “Southern Strategy” that eventually turned the former Confederacy into an unbreakable Republican stronghold. It was a match made in heaven (or, more probably, hell) – for the last half-century, opaque (and hotly denied) racism, xenophobia, and homophobia have been ugly realities within the GOP. Think “birther,” “undocumented aliens,” “border fences” not unlike the Berlin Wall, and what they term “the abomination of gay marriage” (although envisioning gay honeymoons probably sticks in their craws even more). And the South has been the GOP base ever since.

We can’t regret the political fallout from the Democrats’ historic civil rights legislation – we were on the right side, both morally and historically. And, after almost 50 years, the GOP stranglehold on Southern states is finally loosening, if just a bit

But to take advantage of the concentration and rise, respectively, of Black and Latino voters in the South, and the fact that Democrats still have more registered voters in their column than do Republicans, we need to prepare for and combat the Republican tactics and strategies that have been so disgracefully yet successfully employed over the last 40 years.

Beginning with Nixon’s criminal cover-ups, burglaries and dirty tricks crews through Lee Atwater (“the Machiavellian godfather of modern take-no-prisoners Republican politics”) to Karl Rove (the chief strategist first known as “Bush’s Brain” and the puppet master behind the GOP and its money-laden SuperPACs), their often despicable tactics have time and again caught us standing still, almost cowering in shock – like deer in the headlights – awaiting their next outrageous gambit. Indeed, ruthless indecency is part and parcel of the modern GOP, not to mention their relentless hypocrisy.

For the last 44 years, being more morally motivated and better informed citizens has not made Democrats better at winning elections. Thinking us no more than wusses, Republicans have stuck as fiercely to their guns as Dirty Harry, expecting us to eventually roll over and play dead. Sadly, and to our everlasting shame, they’ve been right more often than not. We have been wusses – the good, gentle, moral brainiacs with coke-bottle glasses – even as the GOP relentlessly pushed an agenda of fear, intimidation, and more power and money to their 1% benefactors.

Yet the keys by which the 1% lock us to their interests lay beyond simple aggression, dishonorable electoral politics, numbers, and ideology, and instead inhabit ancillary fields of human behavior – the social, cultural, historical, religious, psychological, educational, linguistic, and even genetic issues. Because we need to find workable answers and solutions, over the next few weeks (and posts) we’ll survey not only political science but all the social sciences, plus voting patterns and election cycles so we can implement new and effective strategies and tactics.

A lot has changed since FDR’s time. Now, as Republicans have declared war on our country’s principles and its people – the poor, the middle class, and women – we need to bring a little cold-bloodedness to the game. No more wusses, no more cowering liberals, no more whimpering progressives. Instead, we sorely need smart, effective, and relentless attacks and counterattacks, more cojones and less apologia…perhaps even a small insurgency or two.

Let today mark the beginning of a newly-found independence from the forces that aim to render us both impotent and expendable. Without surrendering the high ground of our social morality, it’s time to counter with a bold offensive, hitting Republicans with all we’ve got, both in the streets and at the ballot box.

Let this Independence Day transform us into savage warriors for the cause of true freedom – the values of democracy and fair play for all – that began 236 years ago today…on July 4, 1776.

It’s time to fight back.

Related Posts:
The Electoral Scam
Being Fair
Occupy Reality
Giving. . . And Taking Back
A Tale Of Two Grovers
A Last Pitch For Truth
America: Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown.
Gotcha!

by Nicole Powers

Being English in America is a rather peculiar affair come July 4th. After all, you Yanks are busy inviting each other to barbecues, waving flags, enthusiastically lighting the fuses of an inordinate amout of pyrotechnics, and, rather ironically, singing “This Land Is Your Land” in celebration of the Declaration of Independence from our country. However, for us, attending an Independence Day celebration is akin to being Guy Fawkes at a Bonfire Night party, which is the anniversary we save our fireworks for.

On this apparently auspicious day, one wonders too if, given the benefit of hindsight, America’s emancipation is truly a cause for celebration or commiseration? Was freedom from the tyranny of what any reasonable (ie. non-Republican) person might consider a decidedly moderate tax worth it, given the price you’ve subsequently paid? After all, if you’d have stuck with us, you’d already have true universal healthcare, no ominous questions hanging over your right to choose, nationwide gay marriage, a more pragmatic policy towards drugs, no death penalty, far stricter campaign finance laws, and, dare I say it, a somewhat more democratic democracy. (Not to mention football that’s actually played with feet, news bulletins that actually broadcast news, and cups of tea that are actually worth drinking.)

And declarations aside, a relationship that’s endured for better or worse, for richer or poorer, for 236 years after it was officially annulled hardly smacks of independence. Like a divorced couple that’s unwilling and unable to sever the emotional, financial and legal ties, the affairs of Britain and America remain inextricably entwined. (If you need further proof of this point, have a chat with Richard O’Dwyer or Julian Assange.) So, as we mark the anniversary of the day our relationship was officially redefined, we should perhaps define it again. Let’s take a moment to consider all that’s both wonderful and dysfunctional about America and Great Britain’s “special relationship” and raise a glass to Codependence Day.

It should be noted that the author of this article hails from England, but is a naturalized American, who wrote this missive in her country of choice (the United States) while enjoying guacamole, chips, salsa, and a very stiff margarita. She also acknowledges that King George III was probably a bit of a dick.

by Daniel Robert Epstein

’”Whenever I’’m with my mom in a public place and there is a 20 year old around she will pimp me out as Cleveland.”
– Mike Henry

Mike Henry has one of the best jobs on Earth. He is a voice actor, writer and producer on my favorite primetime cartoon ever, Family Guy. In addition to doing the voice for Peter Griffin’s neighbor Cleveland, he does a myriad of other voices including Herbert the aging pedophile, and the Greased up deaf guy.

Read our exclusive interview with Mike Henry on SuicideGirls.com.