by Laurelin

I don’t like writing when I’m angry. I suppose there is technically something therapeutic about allowing the words to pour from your pen, furiously scribbled thoughts pressed hard into the paper rather than the controlled sentences I usually produce. I am never proud of what I write when I’m angry. I still do it every once in a while I guess; some things just need to be let out so they can be released and hopefully not felt anymore. I remember writing when my heart had been broken, when I was longing for something different, when I was so inspired by something beautiful or sad, but I do not write very often when I’m angry anymore.

When I was younger I was angry a lot. I was easily hurt and I wasn’t able to see the bigger picture. As I got older I developed a little more sense and realized that every little thing that happened would eventually pass. Each hurt that came to my life would make its mark, and each day after that it would hurt a little less, until one day it became just a memory. Some memories and aches are sharper than others, like remembering something terrible I said and didn’t mean makes me cringe, but you take it with a grain of salt. I learned to think before I speak, and that a heartfelt apology goes a long way.

Other memories, like songs, are different. There are some songs that invoke such powerful memories of certain places and people that when I close my eyes I can almost go back in time. I can smell, touch, hear certain things, some happy, some impossibly sad. When I hear “Hey, Jupiter” by Tori Amos I am 14 years old in a bed and breakfast in Stratford, England. I smell lavender on my pillow and in the sheets every time I move as I drift off to sleep. It was my last family vacation before my younger brother got really sick and the whole family was out, it was just me in this beautiful place. Lavender and Tori Amos always make me smile.

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by Steven-Elliot Altman (SG Member: Steven_Altman)

Our Fiction Friday serialized novel, The Killswitch Review, is a futuristic murder mystery with killer sociopolitical commentary (and some of the best sex scenes we’ve ever read!). Written by bestselling sci-fi author Steven-Elliot Altman (with Diane DeKelb-Rittenhouse), it offers a terrifying postmodern vision in the tradition of Blade Runner and Brave New World…

By the year 2156, stem cell therapy has triumphed over aging and disease, extending the human lifespan indefinitely. But only for those who have achieved Conscientious Citizen Status. To combat overpopulation, the U.S. has sealed its borders, instituted compulsory contraception and a strict one child per couple policy for those who are permitted to breed, and made technology-assisted suicide readily available. But in a world where the old can remain vital forever, America’s youth have little hope of prosperity.

Jason Haggerty is an investigator for Black Buttons Inc, the government agency responsible for dispensing personal handheld Kevorkian devices, which afford the only legal form of suicide. An armed “Killswitch” monitors and records a citizen’s final moments — up to the point where they press a button and peacefully die. Post-press review agents — “button collectors” — are dispatched to review and judge these final recordings to rule out foul play.

When three teens stage an illegal public suicide, Haggerty suspects their deaths may have been murders. Now his race is on to uncover proof and prevent a nationwide epidemic of copycat suicides. Trouble is, for the first time in history, an entire generation might just decide they’re better off dead.

(Catch up with the previous installments of Killswitch – see parts ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, and FIVE – then continue reading after the jump…)

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by Daniel Robert Epstein

Joe Eszterhaus enjoyed a significant run as the number one screenwriter in Hollywood. He worked on popular films like Flashdance, Jagged Edge, and Basic Instinct, but by the mid-90’s he had suffered a couple of major misfires (Showgirls, Jade) and was dealing with some health issues. Eszterhaus stopped working for Hollywood and began penning books. His latest is The Devil’s Guide to Hollywood which is pages of hysterical and insightful anecdotes about screenwriting in Hollywood.

Read our exclusive interview with Joe Eszterhaus on SuicideGirls.com.

Devushka Suicide in Fuego Del Alba

• MAKES ME HAPPY: The sea, sun, nature, basically. When I spend too much time in the city, I need a break to unwind and breathe fresh air. Also, an unexpected visit, a good party, a walk with my dog, and an afternoon creating crafts, clothes.
• MAKES ME SAD: People addicted to suffering and problems, that always complain, and do not know what it is to have a real problem. Intolerance, disrespect, discrimination. The hunger and the enrichment of a few (at the cost of many), the civilization in which we have become. The hypocrisy, and the Materialism.
• HOBBIES: Tribal fusion belly dancing, tattoos, sewing, recycling, going to parties and concerts, and photography.
• 5 THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: Cheese, chocolate, music, sex, love.
• VICES: Cheese, seeing the movies I like many times, tattoos and piercings, secondhand markets, sushi, and apple juice.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: Watching movies, painting, getting out.

Get to know Devushka better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by Blogbot

Artist / SG Member Name: Jenn Lloyd / Hotcurry

Mission Statement: I seek to celebrate beauty in all its forms with bold design and a touch of whimsy.

Medium: Acrylic on canvas.

Aesthetic: Vector art minus the computer. I work by hand to create lines and shapes that represent images. I lack a basic understanding of most things technical. While amazed at the designs artists were coming up with via Photoshop, I worked the only way I knew how –– old school. Everything I make is done with pencil, pen or paint, and remains untouched by computers.

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by Darrah de jour

When I was in eighth grade, after two years of scratching, clawing, whining and whimpering outside the door of the popular girls, I was finally let in. I scored a cute boyfriend, who, without coincidence, was my BFF Paula’s* boyfriend’s best friend. Paula (a Queen Bee) was a transplant from a nearby school and was part Filipino with gorgeous thick black hair, thick black eyebrows, tan skin and a smattering of freckles on her nose. She wasn’t particularly thin and this made me happy. I was happy because I was 13 and absolutely obsessed with my weight. Plus, if she was super-popular and not super-skinny, then maybe I could be too!

I was dreadfully insecure, and covered this up by being overly-nice, pleasing everybody within a four mile radius, not doing things my popular friends told me not to, and doing pretty much anything they approved of. This included wearing overalls with one suspender hanging down, walking during P.E. instead of running, even though I was a great runner (thus, getting a B instead of an A), ditching class and going to the mall to occasionally shoplift nail polish and other assorted sundries, and talking back to my parents about curfew.

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By Fred Topel

I fell in love with Liz Meriwether when she presented her new show, New Girl, to the Television Critics Association over the summer. I would have naturally had affection for anyone who created such a warm, quirky show, but freckles and glasses just completely did me in.

New Girl stars Zooey Deschanel as Jess, a woman who moves in with three male roommates after catching her live-in boyfriend cheating. As she starts to date again, she sings her own theme song to get through the heartbreaks, and dances in celebration a lot. The rough version of the pilot even had a title song set to a sequence of freeze frames where Deschanel posed in different adorable positions. Deschanel sings the theme, lending her musical talents to the show too.

So this innocent reaction to typical sitcom plot lines (wacky roommates, crazy dates) already endeared Meriwether to me. I ran into her later at the party Fox held for its new batch of shows at Gladstones in Malibu. Standing in the beach air at dusk, Meriwether was starstruck herself to see chef Gordon Ramsay at the same party. She was concerned she was not yet drunk enough to be an entertaining interview. Little did she know I was smitten by her natural charm, no drunken word vomit necessary.

Read our exclusive interview with Liz Meriwether on SuicideGirls.com.