by Laurelin

“Those guys, they just want to fuck you,” Jason had said, his finger jabbing into my shoulder again and again. I was so mad I could have broken it clean off.

“You don’t even know them,” I hissed back, making him even angrier. He scared me when he was angry, but he never hit me, although as the years went by I would come to find out that he would hit others that came after me. But even standing my ground he scared me; he had this power over me and for some strange reason, I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him. He kept me close, like a dog chained in a dirt yard on a run, allowed to run sometimes but ultimately, never allowed to leave the yard.

He made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, and I remember thinking that I could die right there in his arms and be happy with everything I never did. But there was always the issue of my friends. While I was in college I became closer with all the men in the fraternity up the street, some even more so than my own sorority sisters. In the beginning of my relationship they were happy for me – I talked about Jason and I glowed, and they were shocked that someone had finally tamed me. Jason didn’t feel the same way about the guys I called my brothers. He knew how wild we all were, and he was convinced they all had ulterior motives.

“Those guys are NOT your friends, Laurelin. They want to have sex with you. Get it through your head, you are NOT spending anymore time with them,” he had said, and while I always fought back I eventually quieted, and instead of driving back home I always stayed with Jason. Soon my friends started calling, each call or text making Jason angry. They missed me, was I ever coming home? Why was I ignoring their calls? When could they meet Jason? But he wouldn’t meet them; a firm believer that guys and girls could never be just friends.

In the end, Jason didn’t last, thank god. When I finally broke away from him my friends were so glad, and I saw what it was like when a relationship takes over and a girl turns a blind eye to friendships in favor of a man. All these years later these boys are still my brothers, platonic, the best friends I have ever had through thick and thin, and Jason’s name hardly ever crosses my lips.

One of my closest friends in Boston is also a guy; he’s usually the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person I talk to at night before I fall asleep around 5 AM. We go to dinner, get drinks, go to movies, he thinks my last boyfriend was the dumbest guy on the face of the planet and when I was having trouble getting over it no one helped like he did:

“Laurelin, the kid is a loser. Do you really want people meeting your guys to be like, ‘Man, that chick is the coolest girl ever, but her boyfriend is a fucking tool.’ Stop crying, Jesus, pull it together.”

My friends and co-workers seem to think otherwise.

“You’re going to marry him,” they tease, and I think of Jason, his mouth set in a line, always so angry at the preposterous idea that not every guy just wants to bang me. I’ve quit trying to explain to everyone that sometimes, just sometimes…we really are just friends.

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Jeckyl

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: My girlfriend and I recently moved in together and everything was wonderful. Then, just over a month ago, a close friend of hers passed away. Since then, she has been sending slightly mixed signals that she wants us to some day get engaged and that she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. However, she is nowhere near as affectionate as she used to be and is very irritable. I have tried talking to her about it, but it gets turned around and made into my fault. Is this the grief she is going through talking? Should I be worried that she is going to leave or that I’m not enough for her anymore?

Scared Lover from South Africa

A: First of all, my deepest condolences. I can’t imagine the pain and confusion you’re both experiencing right now.Grief is a complicated process and, after just a month, I’m afraid to say she’s barely scraped the tip of the iceberg here. You need to be patient. Death is a hard pill to swallow and she really needs you to be strong for her during this time. She is going to be extremely emotionally confused and you just need to go with it. Laugh with her when she’s happy, comfort her when she’s sad, and don’t expect her to make any sense for a while.


Her on-and-off behavior towards you may be just another way that she’s experiencing grieving. She’s realizing how short life is, so she wants to make that commitment. But she’s also experiencing the pain of losing someone so she’s likely terrified of going through it again. This could explain her bouts of coldness. Give her a few months to somewhat heal before having any kind of major relationship-changing discussion with her. She’s really not in any position to be making life-altering decisions right now.


I understand that her grief is taking a strain on you, and my heart really does go out to you, but you need to try and keep it together, for her sake. This really isn’t the best time to be confrontational. They say sometimes you have to put up with the rain in order to truly appreciate the rainbow, take this as a test of the strength of your relationship. If you can make it through this, you can make it through anything. And, honestly, the best thing you can do for her right now is to treat her the same way you always have, let her know she’s loved and that she isn’t alone.


How you proceed after this speed-bump is up to you, but I sincerely hope that your relationship manages to weather this storm intact.

Best of luck to both of you.

Jeckyl

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Nicole Powers

A column which highlights Suicide Girls and their fave groups.

This week Tore tells us why there’s never a dull moment in SG’s colorful Hair Stuff group.

Members: 2,105 / Comments: 27,415

WHY DO YOU LOVE IT?: I love Hair Stuff for multiple reasons. I learn something new every time I go in. The group is filled with people who love doing hair or just love the aesthetic. I started DIY dying my hair when I was about 12. The first color I ever dyed it was blue. My skills and love for doing hair have grown tremendously along the years. It’s even led to me getting my cosmetology license. In the group I hear reviews of different products. I read about tips and tricks I wouldn’t of thought of. I always love seeing what everyone does to their hair. We have some awesome talented individuals in group.



DISCUSSION TIP: Don’t be afraid to ask questions. We have people of all levels in the group. Some have never done anything more than a ponytail. We also have professionals in the group who are always willing to give opinions and help as best they can. Our fearless leader, Vivid, is also extremely helpful and way rad.



MOST HEATED DISCUSSION THREAD: Our most popular thread is probably our thread about Coloring and Bleaching. It’s an informational thread so it’s stickied at the top. It’s for anyone with questions really. I try to help out in there when I can. Color can be tricky. If you don’t understand the theory behind it you can end up with a mess. 



BEST RANDOM QUOTE: “I get to join the pink club now!” – We have a 27 page thread dedicated to pink hair here.

WHO’S WELCOME TO JOIN?: Everyone who is interested in hair/cosmetology is welcome to join. We’re a public group. 


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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Rin

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I’ll just jump right into it. I’m 24 and single, have been my entire life. It’s definitely not by choice, just a long running series of me being an idiot, and saying the wrong thing at the right time.

The overwhelming lack of response most of the time is disheartening (does that even make sense?). I won’t whine about the “friend zone” either, because it doesn’t really exist; I believe if something’s there it could still happen, it’s just another meek, nerd stereotype that doesn’t lend itself to me. What do I do, hell, where should I even be looking? I appreciate any advice you can give me.

A: It sounds like you’re doing okay in some aspects of dating –– you’re not afraid of rejection, you get along with lots of different types of people, and you’ve got a beard (extra points!). It also really helps that you’re self aware enough to realize some stuff about you that might be a barrier to getting close to the ladies.

Sure, some people like intense dudes, but for many of us it’s a huge turnoff, so working really hard on improving your patience and intensity level should really help you connect with the girls you’re interested in. Ladies generally like to be pursued, but if you push too hard it’s easy for us to get scared off. Take it easy, and trust that your natural charm & good qualities are shining through.

How often do you meet new people? Are you often exposed to new ladies at friends’ parties, work, sports clubs or anywhere else? If not, you may want to try internet dating? It’s kind of nutty, on one hand, but I’ve found it an incredible way to meet people and practice my social skills. I’ve had the best and worst dates because of random dating sites! I definitely recommend this. You may not meet your dream girl, but you will probably have a lot of experiences that help hone your romantic senses. Internet dating is also great because you can find people who you connect with (on paper) and display yourself in a very straightforward way that makes it clear what you’re into.

When you’re interested in a lady, ask her questions about her likes and life. Don’t go on and on about yourself, and remember, coming on hard with too many compliments can seem insincere/strange. Cultivate a wide variety of interests. Not only does that help when you’re feeling bummed about not having a ladyfriend (it keeps you busy with things you’re really into), but it helps to give you avenues to meet new people. If you’re super boring, it’s more difficult to attract people to you.

Ask her out on a date, but not something typical like dinner and a movie. Some ideas: visit an aquarium, play bingo, go for a walk/hike somewhere nice, go to a botanical garden, plan a picnic, play darts/pool/bowling/laser tag, go to an old-school arcade, visit a planetarium, go to an author reading or lecture series at a bookstore, library or university, etc.

Hopefully this helps and you soon find yourself having lots of fun dates!

Best wishes on your quest for love.

Rin

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Nahp Suicide

A column which highlights Suicide Girls and their fave groups.

This week Aisline puts SG’s Photography Group into focus.

Members: 10,757 / Comments: 124,859

WHY DO YOU LOVE IT?: It’s really nice to see people’s photography and to get tips and tricks.


DISCUSSION TIP: I’m probably the worst person to ask for tips. I never post in threads I like because I always end up killing them. So if I like something I just stay as an observer.

MOST HEATED DISCUSSION THREAD: I don’t know if they are “heated” but my favorite threads are “self portraits” and “what did you shoot today?“.

WHO’S WELCOME TO JOIN?: Everybody

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by SG’s Team Agony feat. Clio

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I have been going through a long divorce, it has taken most of my time away from my girlfriend and she is growing more and more irritated with me. I on the other hand, have been doing every thing I can to finalize all the paperwork and move on. But she thinks I’m trying to get back with my ex no matter what I tell her. As far as I know she is a pretty trusting person, and I haven’t given her any reason to not trust me. I just don’t know what to do. Should I push through it? I really love her, and don’t want to lose her because of my crazy ex wife.

A: All I can say is… get that shit over with as soon as possible. Talk to your girlfriend about her distrustfulness and step it up a notch to show her that she’s the only object of your affection. Are you still in touch with your (almost) ex-wife? Limit the contact you have with her. Don’t talk shit about her, just acknowledge that she once mattered but doesn’t anymore. If you still own any of her crap, get rid of it now. When will the divorce be finalized? Celebrate with your girlfriend when you’re officially a free man. You could even throw a divorce party if that’s your thing. Bottom line: spend more time with your girlfriend, and less time on anything that has to do with your ex.

Good luck!

Clio
xoxo

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls’ team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Blogbot

A column which highlights Suicide Girls and their fave groups.

This week Payton tells us why SG’s Kitties Group is one of her favorite places to play.

Members: 3,617 / Comments: 49,567

WHY DO YOU LOVE IT?: I love it because you get to hear and see the cutest funniest stories about everyone’s fluffy purr-ball. You can find really great stories and tips on almost everything about cats. 



DISCUSSION TIP: Don’t be afraid to share pictures of your kitty or even a friend’s or family member’s kitty. All are welcome. 



BEST RANDOM QUOTE: “The more people I meet, the more I love my cat.”



MOST HEATED DISCUSSION THREAD: I would say the best thread going now is “Reasons why I hate my cat(s) today

.”

WHO’S WELCOME TO JOIN?: Every one who loves cats, weather you own one or not, as long as you love fuzzy balls of love.

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