by Yashar Ali

I don’t like to drink. I don’t like the taste of alcohol. And, outside of a handful of memorable drinking stories that my friends and I repeatedly share with each other, I don’t get drunk and I don’t like to get drunk. I also don’t like the loss of time that comes with a hangover and the loss of control that comes with drinking.

And it’s not because I have a drinking problem. I never have. I just don’t like drinking alcohol, it’s simply not part of my life.

Even though I am in my early thirties, I still face this incredible pressure – peer pressure – to drink. I am talking about the kind of pressure we’re reminded of when we think of teenagers, college students, or those in their early twenties, and how our friends, during this phase of our lives, were pushing us to drink.

Although we often think peer pressure in drinking is tied to a younger more footloose group, to twenty-somethings who are still finding themselves, I’ve discovered through my own experience and through learning about the experiences of my readers, that age and professional status really plays no role in whether someone will pressure or be pressured. Men and women in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s are doing the pressuring.
It seems to me that social pressure to drink is more a cultural issue than an age issue.

I even have friends who claim they could never be in relationship with a person who doesn’t drink. Because that’s what every solid relationship is built on: consumption of alcohol.

In (Western) adult social culture, alcohol is a primary and important component of being part of a group, and people who are not interested in alcohol or dislike the taste, are subject to pressure to drink. They, in turn, are forced to find or create, what are deemed “legitimate reasons” for not joining in with the drinking. Failure to drink creates a barrier between the drinkers and those people, who, for various reasons, choose not to drink alcohol.

Why are we judging and pressuring people who don’t drink and why do we make them justify or explain their reasons for refusing alcohol?

Alcohol (and drinking) is a part of the wide range of social pressures in our culture and it’s part of the fabric of many people’s lives. However, it’s not an insignificant thing to ask and pressure someone else to drink.

I get that alcohol helps people loosen up in social settings, but it creates a barrier between people who choose to drink and people who don’t. And this barrier sets the tone for who talks to, and who hangs out with whom. It’s as if alcohol is the social glue that keeps us together, and if we don’t have it and are faced with some people who drink and some people who don’t, things seem to get off-balance and uncomfortable.

The idea of someone who doesn’t drink is so foreign to some people that we sometimes falsely assume that the person who is not drinking has a past of alcohol abuse or we force these non-drinkers to constantly explain themselves.

Mindy, a reader from Chicago in her early 30’s, often deals with new friends or colleagues who assume she was an alcoholic or member of A.A., because she chooses not to drink.

So when it comes to socializing, do we only have two categories for people: sober alcoholic or drinker? There are so many people that fall in between these two categories, they’re not really sober, but they’re also not active drinkers.

A friend of mine who works in corporate advertising commented on the pressure she feels when ordering a glass of water or lemonade at a restaurant with colleagues when everyone else is ordering wine or a cocktail, “I’m made to feel like I’m not an adult.”

Susie, a 38 year-old paralegal found herself being excluded from activities at work, because she barely drank.

“You won’t want to come out tonight because you don’t drink,” she would hear from her co-workers in an almost sympathetic tone (she would always be included in activities that didn’t include heavy drinking).

“I can still have a good time without drinking. It’s not like I’m standing there with my arms crossed at a bar, frowning. I just wonder if they feel judged if I am not doing shots with them and that’s why I’m not being included.”

For Susie and other people in her situation, the social interaction between colleagues, the same interaction that often aides people in their careers, is something that is stripped from her. Unless she’s willing to drink to intoxication, people just don’t feel comfortable having her around and so, Susie misses out on one part of professional networking.

My friend Erin, who is in her late 30’s, found her second pregnancy to be the saving grace, in terms of alleviating the pressure that comes with drinking, “I find it a relief now that I’m visibly six months pregnant, because I can point to my belly and say, ‘Sorry, I can’t!’”

“It will be a drag when I have to go back to explaining to people, ‘No really, I just don’t like it.’”

Having an excuse, whether it’s an illness or pregnancy, seems to offer a reprieve to those who don’t want to drink. But it still doesn’t make sense to me. I understand (but don’t accept) the social pressure to drink during high school and college-age years, but why are adults so obsessed with their friends, family, and colleagues drinking?

And why do there seem to be real, social consequences for people who don’t care to learn the difference between a Chardonnay and a Cabernet?

Yashar Ali is a Los Angeles-based columnist, commentator, and political veteran whose writings about women, gender inequality, political heroism, and society are showcased on his website, The Current Conscience. Please follow him on Twitter and join him on Facebook.

He will be soon releasing our first short e-book, entitled, A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not Crazy — How We Teach Men That Women Are Crazy and How We Convince Women To Ignore Their Instincts. If you are interested and want to be notified when the book is released, please click here to sign-up.

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A Message To Women From A Man: You Are Not Crazy

by Daniel Robert Epstein

It’’s a good time to be Clive Owen. In the past year he’’s received an Oscar nomination for Closer, had a big role in the groundbreaking Sin City and made out with Jennifer Aniston in Derailed. Now he’’s starring in the Spike Lee directed bank heist film Inside Man alongside Denzel Washington and Jodie Foster.

Read our exclusive interview with Clive Owen on SuicideGirls.com.

Sawa Suicide in Platinum

• INTO: Tradition, Feng Shui, breaking the rules.
• NOT INTO: Pretentious people, name droppers, hot spots, people who wear their sunglasses at night or indoors, bluetooth earpieces.
• MAKES ME HAPPY: Los Angeles, old records, Polaroids, Rosa, creative people, stencils, islands, Mammoth Mountain.
• MAKES ME SAD: Mediocrity.
• HOBBIES: My Gallery.
• VICES: Spa junkie.
• I SPEND MOST OF MY FREE TIME: In the moment.

Get to know Sawa better over at SuicideGirls.com!

by Laurelin

The internet. It’s everywhere, connecting everything all the time. People don’t need to shop outside the house anymore, you can just order whatever you want from the internet and have it delivered. Clothes, shoes, groceries and…men? I have been aware of internet dating for a few years now, and I always turned up my nose at the thought of it. Seriously, if you can’t get out into the world and meet and connect with someone on your own than you probably should stop trying.

That’s an ignorant thing to say, I’m acutely aware of that now. Not everyone is [un] lucky enough to be in bars every night where members of the opposite sex are foaming at the mouth and leaving phone numbers scribbled on beer soaked cocktail napkins. But the other day I got to thinking. Maybe I have been going about this all wrong. I know I tend to meet the same type of guy over and over again at bars: young party types with more muscles than brains. Internet dating, while a product of a technological world, seems to take dating back to basics: conversation and actually getting to know someone.

After a talk with a girlfriend about her experiences in the world on online dating, I wound up joining a site that was basically just another app for my iPhone. My girlfriends and I started off my just browsing the guys just like we would online shop. Look at this one, ooooh, look at that one, he’s tall, cute, this one has a good job, this one has pictures of his cat. It was quite addicting. Soon we were getting a few messages a day and spending nights at work reading them and giggling. People have no shame online; some of the messages were dirty, some had poetry, some were simple and to the point. Some actually made me laugh, and one day I found myself replying, and before I knew it I was getting to know this… stranger.

He was nothing like me, and was like no one I would ever normally meet in a bar. Messaging back and forth online, we got to know a little about one another, answering questions that should have come out right away with other boyfriends but that never came up while we were too busy chugging beer and sleeping in. Then this guy asked the inevitable question– want to meet in person? I froze. I don’t know. Was it safe? I HATE DATING. I don’t even like going on dates with people I sort of know. As social of a person as I am, just the though of an actual date with someone I’m trying to get to know is more terrifying than bungee jumping into the grand canyon.

I took a breath and clicked reply. “Yes,” I said. “Let’s meet for coffee.” (Coffee?! Coffee?! It’s not beer!! What do I do?!) So we did. The day before Thanksgiving I found myself sitting in a coffee shop in Harvard Square, awaiting a stranger. He came, and he was just like his pictures. Tall, cute, and so nice. He was in grad school and had just moved to Boston, we came from similar families and while there was sometimes a lull in the conversation we managed to get through about an hour before deciding to part ways. I have never been more proud of myself, thinking outside the box and making myself take a leap into the unknown to try something new and scary.

I don’t think that the whole experience was exactly for me, but I did learn that I can see why it’s for a lot of people. It makes a lot of sense now, and it’s kind of nice to know that in the future should I want to meet someone new I can always try it again. But for now, I gratefully turn back to my safe bar scene, and the comforts of a fully stocked bar to help me get through conversation. I don’t think I want to date anyone for a while, whether in the digital or the analogue. The guys I meet normally, the young and muscled, the hipsters, the career bartenders, they are what I need right now. They’re all helping me get over a heartbreak that, after trying to date someone new, I’ve come to realize is still a bit too fresh. I need some more time I guess, and probably another martini…

[..]

by Blogbot

Artist / SG Member Name: S.O.A.P. / sooaap

Mission Statement: Aside from drawing as a child, I’ve only been creating art for the last couple of years. I like to take already established images that catch my eye and retell their story from a different perspective. I’m inspired by everything in my environment including art, emotion, people, weather, music, culture, etc… Contrast and a sense of brooding are reoccurring themes in my work. Being manic depressive is also a big influence.

Medium: Paper, photographs, pencil, pen, markers, crayons, books, newspaper, magazines, Photoshop. I have designs on branching out to watercolor soon and plan on taking some introductory art classes to expand the mediums that I work with.

Aesthetic: I am a portrait/character artist by nature. I like to choose images as reference that convey a specific emotion, whether it be by facial expression or body language, and reconstruct that emotion in my own personal way.

Notable Achievements: Aside from selling some works locally and being featured on this site, my most notable achievement is the feedback I get from others. My favorite comment is that my work/style is different from anything they’ve seen. That’s kind of what I strive for.

Why We Should Care: I don’t really care who cares, I create because it is a sorely needed positive outlet and balances me.

I Want Me Some: Right now I post my work on SuicideGirls in the Artists and Fan Art groups and on my Tumblr page. If you are in Seattle and see a flyer for a show involving Big Sur, tear it down and you get some for free. I will eventually sell prints, but I’m not there quite yet.

[..]

by A.J. Focht

The first official character bios for the Avengers movie have been released. No big surprises here, just most of what is already known about the movie’s all-star superhero cast. Regardless, it’s a great way to familiarize yourself with any characters you might not be completely sure about, like Hawkeye.

Continuing the trend of rebooting superhero movies, David Slade has given an update on his upcoming Daredevil flick. Slade announced that Brad Caleb Kane has finished the first draft of the script and that more news would come in the new year. The original Daredevil film was better than some superhero movies, but it was by no means up to standards that superhero movies try to uphold these days. Hopefully the reboot will fix that.

While DC comics are still successfully pushing their New 52, Marvel has plans to move forward with another one of their giant world events. Raising the stakes — which is difficult since comic book events normally are quite apocalyptic — Marvel is waging an all-out war between the Avengers and the X-Men. After Phoenix Force return to Earth to seek a new host, Hope Summer (Cyclops and Jean Grey’s daughter), the Avengers want to quarantine her, and the X-Men refuse to let them without a fight – gripping stuff!

While there is no word on the upcoming Metropolis project, it looks like there will be more Smallville, kind of. Bryan Q Miller is writing a new novel that tells the story of what happens to the cast afterwards. While there is no official word on this, it seems an awful lot like this novel could be the means of transitioning into the upcoming Metropolis project.

Lots of news coming from the starship Enterprise. First off, rumors of Benicio Del Toro playing Khan have been put to rest. But in light of this news, it’s been revealed that Peter Weller (RoboCop) has officially joined the cast of Star Trek 2. His role is currently unknown, but this sci-fi legend is a welcome addition to the cast. That’s not it either. Alice Eve (She’s Out of My League & Entourage) has also joined the cast, and will play a new character in the canon. Despite all the news about Star Trek 2, producers are apparently going to great lengths to keep details of the production secret, with prominent cast members such as Chekov and Sulu, being denied access to the script.

On to the Ender’s Game movie. Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit) is in negotiations for the female lead. This is the second major cast announcement in as many weeks. It’s fair to assume there will be plenty more where those came from as Ender’s Game is set to release on March 15, 2013.

Iron Man screenwriters Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby have completed the script for the next Tomb Raider film. The original portrayal of Lara Croft by Angelina Jolie is being tossed aside. “For me it’s re-inventing the wheel a bit, it’s a reboot. We’re going back before she was Lara Croft,” said producer Graham King, talking to Digital Spy about the nature of the origins-style screenplay.

Anyone else getting sick of the reboots yet? ‘Cause another prominent sci-fi classic, Starship Troopers is also getting a reboot – just 15 years out from the original!

The iconic Jaws ride at Universal Studios is being removed and replaced with the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. The attraction will be build along the same lines as the original in Orlando, which has proved to be so successful that Universal Studios and Warner Bros. have decided that it will be augmented with a large expansion.

Finally, 2012 looks like it’ll be a big year for Joss Whedon. With the release of the Avengers already on the books, Whedon recently revealed he has completed another project, Much Ado About Nothing. Now there’s a third movie in the lineup. A poster for a Whedon project called Cabin in the Woods has just surfaced, and was followed up by the release of an official trailer. The film is looking like it could be a fantastic sci-fi/horror movie, and will premiere on April 13, 2012.

by Daniel Robert Epstein

Matthew McConaughey is very much like the characters he’’s played in a few of his movies. He’’s easy going, laid back, charming and very easy to talk to. He plays another one of those guys in the romantic comedy Failure to Launch. His character Trip is a wealthy boat broker who still lives with his parents at age 35! So his parents hire Sarah Jessica Parker to fall in love with him so he will have the confidence to move out.

Read our exclusive interview with Matthew McConaughey on SuicideGirls.com.