by The Wine Guy
[Yeah, we partied with Everclear back in the day!]
Spirits are funny, because people tend to drink them illicitly before they turn twenty-one, but then a lot of people leave them behind, only to rediscover them as an adult. You have bad memories of Jäger bombs, Everclear punch, and Cuervo tequila. These memories get burned into your brain and you write off certain drinks because of the follies of your youth.
So lets break down the field and find some lovely cocktails for you, so you can enjoy your adulthood with an adult beverage. Wine and beer are great. They are each in their own right a wonderful playground with all sorts of adventures. However, there is nothing quite like a good spirit. Drinking spirits is an interaction with the booze in a way that wine or beer can never be.
Spirits are an investment one makes over time, which pays greater and greater dividends. The first whiskey I purchased was Chivas Regal. I wanted to be more sophisticated than my mad dog drinking buddies. It took me soooo long to finish that bottle that I had no desire to purchase a second. I kept at it though, plugging away with Jameson, Jack, Jim, Crown, and Bushmills. Finally, I found Johnny Walker Black and that is where the love affair truly began. A year later, when I sipped Laphroaig ten year for the first time, I knew that my love for whiskey would last forever.
So what I am saying is, spirits are not to be undertaken lightly, and I do not believe there are any shortcuts. You have to train yourself before you can jump into the world of aged booze. No need to be discouraged, there are so many fun ways to get started.
[Riae in Sweet Jack]
First, stop buying the plastic bottles. The producer is telling you that their product is not worth being put into glass, and now you are going to put it in you? Nothing can be learned from such filth. Invest an extra few dollars. It will be worth it, I assure you.
I recommend starting your whiskey adventure with something smooth like Jameson or Crown. Both of these are easy to drink and very affordable. You can start by mixing your Crown with coke, and your Jameson with Baileys, Amarula or Drambuie. As you get used to that, you can add less and less mix, until you are drinking it straight.
Once you are drinking it straight – without making the whiskey face – then you may proceed and start exploring nicer whiskeys from around the world. Try Highland Park and Laphroaig and see where your whiskey tastes lie.
If you do not enjoy whiskey, fear not, there are so many other spirits to choose from. Lets tackle brandy. First and most important, Cognac is a place where a specific type of French brandy comes from. The region is also so famous that you’ve heard of it. So guess what? You are paying for that fame. Hennessy, Courvoisier, and Remy Martin are big giant factories pumping out Jack Daniels quality brandy and charging you way too much for it. If it has to come from France, try an Armagnac instead, where you will be paying for the quality and not the name. Or buy a Spanish brandy where you will be rewarded deeply for your courage.
Spirits produced from non-famous regions are always a great gamble. Had rum from Ghana the other day that was fantastic! Which brings us to Rum.
There may not be a better bargain in booze, than rum. You can get top shelf rum for the price of mid level whiskey. Forget Bacardi and Captain Morgan, that factory swill represents rum as much as Ancient Age represents whiskey. Spend a little money on rum and you will see an incredible jump in quality.
After you have tried a nicely aged, well-made rum, you will never wave off that beverage with contempt again. You will not need coke or pineapple juice with these beauties. With two crisp twenties in your hand you will drink like a king with change leftover for a nice beer. Be careful though, these rums drink a little too easy, and you may find yourself refilling your glass once too often and drunk texting people on your contact list who either did not want to hear from your drunk ass or formerly enjoyed hearing from you but now not so much.
[Rain in Tequila]
Which brings us to tequila! If you can’t hear the song playing in your head, then you have had bad experiences with this wonderful drink and need to exorcise them with some good ones. Jose Cuervo Gold is an imposter. This is caramel colored crap with the word tequila on the label is really a chemically engineered hangover machine. Stop buying it!
Go and get yourself a real tequila – and not a famous one that comes in a box. I’m looking at you Patron! Start off with something clean and simple like Milagro Silver. This is a perfect mixer for margaritas, and makes for a good shooter as well. Then grab yourself some moderately priced Reposados and Anejos, and see where your taste lies.
A Reposado has been aged in a barrel for 3 to 6 months generally and that is why it is darker in color than silver, which has not been aged at all. It tends to take on a spicy character and can make the best margarita ever, but remember to use less mix so you can taste the tequila! An Anejo has been aged a year and they are very smooth, though some retain some spiciness from the barrel. They will be even darker in color and are meant to be sipped, don’t shoot them just because they are smooth you fiends!
[Rambo in Private Bar]
Vodka and gin are the two most famous clear liquors. I could go on and on about the myth of high quality vodka, but I will summarize instead. You may prefer potato vodka to grain vodka. You may prefer wheat to potato. These ingredients do change the mouth feel and are worth debating. After that, what you are really arguing about is how clean the vodka is. It’s a neutral spirit and has no flavor. So stop spending tons of money on vodka! It is going to taste like whatever you mix it with.
Gin on the other hand is a nuanced, flavorful spirit that can be incredibly different from style to style. A nice dry gin, made for martinis, is going to taste vastly different than a botanical rich gin made for gin and tonics. The quality of gin and the quality of tonic matter greatly. If you believe they do not, then I know you have never had one of my gin and tonics.
In conclusion, when it comes to spirits pay for the quality not for the name. Find the values from the smaller houses and less famous places. Take the extra money you save from buying Titos vodka instead of Grey Goose and use it to buy a nicer bottle of rum, tequila, gin, or whiskey. Join a small but happy club of people who know how rich and rewarding spirits can be.
They are a drink that may be consumed at the end of long day, sipped slowly, and peacefully. They can bring friends together to explore the wonderful new cocktail you concocted in your kitchen. They can be lifted to toast those of us that are present and remember those that are no longer with us. They are to be savored not gulped. They are to be treated with caution and respect not abused and devoured. They serve as a reminder that some of the finer things in life are available to us all.
Enjoy…responsibly.
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