by SG’s Team Agony feat. Bailey, Rashel, and Vanessa
Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.
[Bailey in Breakfast of Champions]
Q: I recently got out of an abusive relationship and I feel like I still can’t escape it. I moved three states away when everything disintegrated. He broke up with me via text message, in the same apartment, no less. We had lived together for two and a half years, and he was my life. Things got rocky towards the end, but as I was sexually abused and made to feel like my feelings weren’t valid, I came to accept that this was my path.
It’s been four months now. As soon as I moved away it was like a lightbulb came on and I realized that I was one of “those people” who deny and deny the abuse to themselves. It took distance and a broken heart to realize what I had wasn’t a relationship. I don’t know what it was, but it was not a relationship.
I’m glad to say I’m now in a wonderful, healthy relationship with a great guy. He loves me for who I am, and he knows about how my ex treated me and understands my trust issues and reservations. I am head over heels in love with him, and have been focusing all my energy on myself, firstly, and secondly, our relationship. I wasn’t giving my ex a second thought, until tonight.
I found out that my ex has deleted and blocked me from all his social networking sites. This is something I was considering doing myself a few weeks ago but I couldn’t bring myself to click the right buttons. I feel like I’m back at square one. This has made the end more final to me. Why am I upset about this? It’s just Facebook and Twitter –– this shouldn’t bother me at all. Plus, I am ridiculously happy with the man I am with. I definitely don’t want anything to do with my ex. I guess I’m just not okay with him deleting me from his life in such a brusque way, but honestly I wouldn’t want him involved as a friend either.
I’m just struggling with a lot of conflicting emotions right now. Half of me, my sensible side, is telling me to get over it, and it’s better now that there are no more constant reminders of his presence. But my other half, my heart, is telling me to nurse my wounds. Asking myself why he wants to know nothing about my life, why it’s so easy for him to erase me from any associations. Am I so easy to discard?
I don’t really know what I’m asking for here, and I’ve never asked for advice like this before. I’m an internalizer for sure… I guess I’m just seeking some guidance or a helping hand. I’m struggling to understand my own reaction, and that unsettles me.
[..]
