by Laurelin

There are lies that we tell ourselves to keep our minds from wrapping around the truth. In our heart of hearts I genuinely feel like we always know what is right and what is wrong. When we make a tough decision and someone is hurt, a lot of the time the pain is manageable because you know it was the right thing to do. Whatever pain you or the other person is going through, it’s okay because you made the right choice. Other choices we make because they are easy or because they are fun. Some choices that we make will be wrong.

When it comes to the people you spend your time with you would think the choice would be easy, and always right. That’s not always the case. Lies come easier than one would think and sometimes the wrong people get a little too close. I know I can’t be with anybody right now because my mind is elsewhere. I made that choice. I push away the people who want to get close to me, but I still want them by my side every day. They are the shoulders I want to cry on. They are the ones I want to call when something amazing happens. They are the ones who I will miss once they open their eyes and realize I am a broken mess and they deserve better.

What I gravitate towards is something to fill the right now; the men who are on the road year round who stop and see me when they’re in the area and who make me feel so special that I am happy while they’re gone. I find that I like men who appear to have other lives, and I tell myself that they’re just busy (like me). But really, they have girlfriends or wives. I find that I don’t care, and I hate myself for it. Eventually they all disappear and I comfort myself by telling myself that next time I’ll choose the good guy, though I never do.

I like to think I find the good in people. That guy on the road with the girlfriend, he does amazing things for people, he changes people’s lives and he changed mine. I don’t think I could ever believe that he is a bad person, but he’s still a liar, a cheater, a mean boy. The alcoholic, the drug addict, the steroid user, the married guys, they are all broken and I suppose part of me thought I could fix them. Part of me thinks I don’t deserve any better and the other part of me literally can’t stand the thought of someone getting so close. I lie and tell myself I love the broken ones because they know just when to leave; just before it gets real.

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by Alexander Hinkley

This week’s SuicideGirl Gamer of the Week is Toxic. Toxic loves nerds. Probably because she is one. She’s into Transformers and role-playing games, especially Final Fantasy. I spoke to her about some of her favorites and whether or not she would support a FFVII remake.

Toxic seems like an odd nickname for such a pretty girl. What made you choose it?

Honestly, Toxic wasn’t my original choice. I had a different name picked out that was totally girlie but it didn’t roll off the tongue like “Toxic Suicide” does. Toxic suits me though in more ways than one. Get to know me and you will see why!

Judging from the fact you have “Decepticon” tattooed across your ribs, I take it you are a fan of Transformers?

Don’t let my hot girl disguise fool you. I am just lying low until our leader Megatron collects enough energon cubes here on Earth. With the energy we acquire we can finally reconquer Cybertron and take down the autobots.

When did you get that tattoo anyway?

Wade Davidson at Raven Ink Tattoo tattooed “Decepticon” on my ribs the summer of 2011. I debated getting this tattoo for a long time. Originally I did not want a lot of tattoos…Wow has that changed! Being a Transformers fan since childhood, I can’t imagine not having a tribute to Saturday mornings of watching G1. I cannot believe I didn’t get it sooner. My tattoo always gets me attention from my favorite people to converse with NERDS! Fellow nerds like me! GOODNESS DO I LOVE NERDS!

Tell me about your other tattoos.

Where to start? We can start with my first tattoo. I have “Your Name” tattooed in a heart on my right butt check. Originally I wanted something small that could be easily covered. My heart was done by an artist named Steve O in Susanville, CA.

I have two full sleeves. Both of my sleeves are being done by Jason Iffert at Raven Ink Tattoo in Portland, OR. My right arm is a floral sleeve. It features many of my favorite flowers including a tiger lily and a sunflower. I also have a pinup witch of my mother on my right arm. The pin up is a contribution by Wade Davidson. My left arm is a sleeve of Dr. Seuss characters. All the characters from all my favorite books. There are two small pieces on my left wrist not part of the Seuss theme. I have a matching friendship tattoo on my inner left wrist with my BFF Britney. I also have a “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” piece done by artist John MacDonell.

On the back of my neck I have an owl I named “Dexter” by artist Tomma Mueller. I love Dexter– he has the body of a strawberry! Below that is my full back piece being done by Sharkbait Struckman at Mr. Tattoo in Milwaukie, OR. My full back piece is of the tree of knowledge with owls. This piece is my newest and I love how it is turning out so far. He is such an awesome artist!

Favorite transformer?

My favorite transformer is a hard subject because it’s so close between two: #1 is, and always will be, Megatron. Megatron is a ruthless leader who shows no mercy. #2 is Soundwave, not only because he talks in a cool robotic voice, but he has a cassette deck in his chest that popped out more Decepticons (Like Ravage and Laserbeak). Sooooo rad!

What are some of your favorite video games?

I am a sucker for the classics, especially RPGs, they are by far my favorite to play. My favorite game of all time has to be Final Fantasy VII on PS1, though. The storyline, characters, and summons, I can spend all day running around getting into battles to work up my materia and limit breaks. A close second favorite has to be Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past for Super NES. Best Zelda game ever hands down! I used to spend hours playing this game with my dad as a kid. When I finally beat it by myself it was a moment to remember… I mean I had the Triforce in my little Link hands!

Other games I really enjoy playing Final Fantasy VIII (PS1), Donkey Kong Country 1-3 (Super NES), Kingdom Hearts (PS2), Street Fighter II (Super NES), Mortal Kombat (I play it in the arcade), Eternal Champions (Sega), Tomb Raider (PS1), Legend of Legia (PS1), Sonic the Hedgehog (Sega), Tetris (NES), Duckhunt (NES), and of course Super Mario Bros. (NES). I like pretty much every Mario but especially love the original 1-3.

Preferred system?

I really love my Wii because I can download classic games and play them on my console. I have so many amazing games downloaded into it. Thank God because my NES is to the point where you blow hard and they still aren’t playing!

What about least favorite game? Ever played one that just absolutely sucked?

There is one game that I like but I am terrible at it – Altered Beast which I played on Sega Genesis. I was really good at it when I was a little kid but now I can’t even make it past level two. I strive for improvement though. Besides that I am not a big fan of shooting games. I’ve tried them and they aren’t really my thing.

If you could compare yourself to one video game character, who would it be and why?

I am totally Yuffie Kisaragi from FFVII. When my brother and I used to play we always gave her character my name. For one, Yuffie is a babe with a big personality just like me. She is a very sassy, feisty, and headstrong. I like to compare myself to her good traits because I am definitely not a Materia thief. The best part about Yuffie is she is a ninja just like me!

Did you get a Gold Chocobo and all that?

Yes, I obtained the Gold Chocobo. So much racing, breeding, and gil spent. It’s a long and grueling task but is necessary! Trust me you want the “Knights of the round” Summon especially in the “weapons” and final battles. The way you get it is with the Gold Chocobo. I just started a new FFVII game a while ago and am at the Chocobo side quest yet again. Got to have a game night soon so I can tackle it.

Which was harder in your opinion, Ruby or Emerald Weapon?

They are both pretty tough battles but if your equipped well and have the “Knights of the Round” Materia it makes it a lot easier. I would have to say though Ruby is harder than Emerald weapon, though.

Do you think Sony should remake FFVII in high definition for PS3 or leave the game alone?

I am usually one to say don’t mess with the classics but I wouldn’t mind playing a revamped version of FFVII. It would look so pretty on my LED TV. Only condition though is no major changes to the game/storyline and it keeps its integrity.

For more on Toxic find her on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and SuicideGirls.

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by Blogbot

This Thursday, August 1st on SuicideGirls Radio host Nicole Powers will be joined in studio by dating expert Marni Kinrys of The Wing Girl Method and podcaster and online personality Vince In The Bay. Though they occupy very different worlds, they have much in common. As a mainstay of the Pick Up Artist scene, Marni teaches Social Engineering skills to men who want to improve their love life, and as the host of a popular Blog Talk Radio show which is beloved by hackers, trolls and Twitter tricksters, Vince is surrounded by denizens of the internet who are experts at SE. This week’s panel will be completed by VICE contributor Dell Cameron, and special guest co-hosts Moon and Brewin Suicide.

You can listen – and watch – the world’s leading naked radio show live on Thursday nights from 6 til 8 PM at our new state-of-the-art all digital home: TradioV.com/LA.

You’ll also be able to listen to our podcasts via Stitcher – download the app now!

If you have questions for the SG Radio crew or our guests, you can call in during the live broadcast at: 1-855-TRV-inLA (1-855-878-4652)

For updates on all things SG Radio-related, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

About Marni Kinrys | @WingGirlMethod

Educated at University of Western Ontario (Canada) with a BA in psychology, Marni Kinrys is the ultimate Wing Girl. A woman who puts her insider knowledge to good use for the betterment of all men by telling them what women really want, not what they say they want. Over the past eight years, Marni has collaborated with the top male attraction experts, sharing expertise and advice to help men find their ideal partners. She has worked with thousands of men all over the world to help them understand women so they can attract, date, seduce and get any woman they want without being a jerk. Her method is based on the key principle that: You gotta turn yourself on first before any woman will ever be attracted to you. Marni was recently awarded “World’s Best Female Pick-Up Artist” from the World Pick Up Artist Summit in Hollywood, CA and was honored as the “World’s Best Wing Girl” at the 2010 Global Pick-Up Conference. For more on Marni and her dating technique visit: winggirlmethod.com

About Vince In The Bay | @VinceintheBay

Vince is a podcaster, filmmaker, cyber criminal and activist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Vince’s short films have screened at various film festivals and his short documentary “A Subway Siren” was broadcast on PBS. He has shot/produced music videos for artists such as The Coup, Atari Teenage Riot, Galactic, and Black Sheep. As an activist, Vince has participated in campaigns against The Federal Reserve (End The Fed) and BART Police (Operation BART). Presently he is host of “Disorderly Conduct”, an Internet radio call-in show covering current events, digital activism, cyber crime, technology, politics, music, sexuality and featuring calls from some of the Internet’s most mentally challenged characters. Listen here: blogtalkradio.com/vinceinthebay

**UPDATE**
ICYMI: Here’s our August 1st pre-DefCon show featuring Marni Kinrys (Wing Girl), Vince In The Bay (Blog Talk Radio), Dell Cameron (VICE), and Brewin and Moon Suicide. Interweb trouble has a habit of following Vince around and this show was no exception. Though it was perhaps fitting that on the eve of our trip to the hacker-fest that was DefCon 21 in Las Vegas, our show got DDoSed and pizza bombed, and one of our girls got d0xed, all in the space of two short hours!

Video streaming by Ustream

Let us answer life’s questions – because great advice is even better when it comes from SuicideGirls.

Q: I am a hopeless romantic that cares more than most, but one-sided relationships have taken a toll on me. I have been emotionally abused in my past four long-term relationships and I’m tired. I need to bring that spark back into my life. Having so much to give and nothing in return has been my curse.

I enjoy spoiling and tending to the needs of the one I love. However, it seems as though I find women who are negative, abusive or unfaithful. Why do women take my kindness for weakness? What does a man have to do to be happy and find the missing piece to his puzzle?

A. I once fell into the categories of ‘under-appreciated’ and ‘doormat’ until I read Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. While I don’t have a men’s version to recommend to you, I can tell you the basic premise: Take care of yourself first.

More specifically:

1. Don’t always be available. Don’t always pick up your phone when she calls or text her back right away. Don’t agree to meet up with her last minute. You’ll become her back up plan if you’re at her beck and call for when she has nothing else to do.

2. Don’t neglect yourself or your friends to meet up with her. If you’re in the middle of fixing a shelf or watching football or whatever guys do when they’re single, or if you made plans to go out with the boys or help your friend move, and she calls you to go out, tell her you’d love to but you’re very busy and give her a couple of other days and times that would work and let her pick one.

3. Have a life! Have interests of your own. Go out with friends. Pick up some hobbies. Don’t you find it attractive when someone has passions and interests and activities? Yes, you do. So be one of those people.

4. Don’t act like every woman is The One. Not every relationship is going to work out. Don’t hang onto her because she’s filling a void. Fill that void by having a life, and if she’s not fitting into it, don’t be afraid to leave.

5. I know I just said it, but DON’T BE AFRAID TO LEAVE. Remember how I said you need to take care of yourself first? If it’s not working for whatever reason, breaking it off is doing just that.

6. Be good company when in her presence, and have minimal contact outside of that. Give her the space to show you who she really is. Will she treat you and your time with respect? Will she be okay with you having friends and interests outside of her? Does she have friends and interests of her own? Not smothering her will allow her to show you her best self.

7. Did I say don’t be afraid to leave? I did? Well, let me say it one more time. If she shows that she is lacking in any of the areas above, cut her loose. If she wants to monopolize your time when things first get going, imagine how crazy she’ll become once things get serious. Does she have a problem with your female friends? That doesn’t just go away with time. Does she expect you to drop everything and drive to see her at a moment’s notice all the time? You are her backup plan. Don’t try to convince her that you’re the one for her. Don’t tell her she should spend more time with you. Don’t do more things for her to make her like you more and show her how much you reward her for mistreating you. Cut off contact and carry on with your life. Don’t settle. You teach people how to treat you.

I highly recommend finding a book for men along the same lines. You don’t have to play games or be conniving. You have to take care of yourself and give her the opportunity to show you who is she and how she’ll treat you. Do that, and you’ll start attracting the right women while the wrong ones weed themselves out for you.

Yours in Agony,
A Mystery Suicide Girl

Got Problems? Let SuicideGirls crack team of Agony Aunts provide solutions. Email questions to: gotproblems@suicidegirls.com

by Laurelin

Disappointment is a part of life, there’s no doubt about that. It takes many forms; it can be predicable, it can surprise you, it can be laughable, and other times it can be enough to bring you to your knees. In some form or another I think we feel at least a little twinge of disappointment every day. Maybe not the kind that catches your breath like a lump in your throat, but the kind that’s just enough to make you crinkle your nose. Like when the coffee shop on the corner of Harvard and Brighton Ave is closed by the time I walk home from work on Sunday and I have to get an iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts instead of a loose leaf iced green tea.

Disappointment goes hand in hand with people letting you down and you yourself letting down others. The look in that boys’ eyes as I told him I didn’t want to be with him, having to shout it because we were in a crowded bar and there was a band playing. His brown eyes usually danced, turned up at the corners with his big smile. But as I shouted they crinkled and the weight of my words changed him. Part of me screamed, “You’re making a mistake, this boy would love you.” The other part told that part to shut up even though I was so sad: I knew I was making the right choice. But still, I was disappointed for letting the nice boy go. I always let the nice boys go.

I was disappointed in the one I did choose, a disaster of a human being who intrigued me more than anything. I willingly walked into some strange dark forest, the trees so thick they blocked out the sun, and I know I will willingly stumble through this darkness until I’m so broken I have no choice but to fight to get out in one piece. I can’t bring myself to smile as I type this even thinking about the mess I’ve gotten myself into, but I know I will continue to wait for his name to pop up on my cell phone, and when it does I will see just that one ray of light through the trees, and I will think it’s enough. It won’t be.

Disappointment can crush a person or inspire them to do better next time. Long term it can break your spirit, short term it can ruin your day. Either way, it’s a part of life, and sadly, a part that people come to expect even when they shouldn’t. Right now I’m disappointed in my job; I am sitting behind an empty bar at 12:30 PM on a Sunday afternoon in the city. While it’s nice to be able to get some work done I would much rather be at the beach or down by the waterfront drinking sangria. Over in the corner my cell phone buzzes and I run over to see if it’s him. It’s not, and all alone I don’t have to hide my disappointment.

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by Laurelin

There comes a time in everyone’s life when there has just been too much work and not enough play. This is usually not a problem in my life, no matter how many places I’m working I always seem to find the perfect thing to do on a night off. In that one night, it’s all been worth it: every last long hour and late night is wonderfully and sometimes painfully perfect. Some nights are relaxing and help you recharge your drained batteries, and other nights are not like that at all. Some nights you just know that a storm is brewing; the perfect storm.

I don’t know what it is about Faneuil Hall in Boston that just makes you wild. I think it’s just that foreign concept of having weekends off. I don’t usually have them, so when I do it’s like this whole other world can be seen, a world I usually only see from behind the bar. This Friday was like that. We could be those people, the ones who go out with no abandon, who rack up a hundred dollar tab that’s just a couple beers and a million Washington apple shots. We could be the loud ones, the crazy ones, the dancers, the wild.

The cover band might as well have been Guns n’ Roses in the flesh and the friendly faces behind the bar telling me this round was on the house soon led to things starting to blur. The guys I was with all started looking like dinner and then dessert, and with a wink and a smile we gallivanted off to the bar next door for one more shot and then to yet another bar where I realized that I was in trouble. Things were happening in slow motion. I pulled down my friend’s dress while she danced against her guy with her underwear hanging out, watching a conversation between two people I don’t know. Not being able to shift my gaze, I came to an all too slow realization that my roommate has gone home in a cab by herself and it was my own voice that told her I wasn’t going with her.

The next morning, as I am frantically searching for very new and very lost earrings in a sea of wrinkled sheets and bad, bad decisions, I can’t help but think that none of this is really my fault. Faneuil Hall and having a weekend night off is what’s to blame here. I just get too excited, too thirsty, and at the time nothing seems as bad as it is as that first sliver of light is hitting your face through the shades. It all starts coming back, like a giant wave cresting and crashing against my lifeless hungover body, and I close my eyes as the waves of nausea roll over me, just another repercussion of last night’s perfect storm.

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by Nicole Powers

Artist/SG Member Name: Timothy Skinner a.k.a. TimmyGee

Mission Statement: Everything is about balance – of imagery and material. Paint has the ability to both mimic and exist as its own entity. As an artist I sit between the two trying to react to each and create a harmony of sorts. The imagery I collect and use is often of human rituals but the imagery is essentially a place to start, the paintings themselves then lead to a place that you don’t expect.

Medium: Paint – mostly oils but some printing inks and spraypaints also find their way in.

Aesthetic: I guess you would say I err on the shadier side of life.

Notable Achievements: I think the first piece you sell is a landmark, especially in how you view yourself coming out of art school. There is a watershed moment when you start to understand that what you create is really an extension of you that you are putting out in to the world.

Why We Should Care: Why should you care about me? Maybe you shouldn’t. I’m really not the person to make that decision. But you should care about creative integrity and embrace it whenever you find it.

I Want Me Some: The best way is to speak to me directly. Work is often in shows around the UK and I try to keep my blog and website updated with current exhibitions. There are a few shows coming up late summer which I’m working on now so that will be the next chance to see the work in the flesh. You can also follow me on Twitter @TimSkin.

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